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desiree333's avatar

Can you convince me to finally go to counseling?

Asked by desiree333 (3206points) January 27th, 2012

So I feel like I need to go to counseling to sort out everything in my life. I’m in university, and the counseling center is free. Plus it is fairly easy to make an appointment, not to mention how convenient the location is. I wouldn’t say that I have major issues that I need to talk about. I mean I’ve never been abused or in poverty for example. You could say that I have had quite a easy life thus far. But, I’m not happy. I think about suicide a lot, more than ever in my life. It’s not that my life is so unbearable that I want out, it’s just that I feel completely indifferent towards life. I do not value it at all. I do not have any self preservation left anymore. If I were told tomorrow that I have terminal cancer, it wouldn’t stir up any emotions. In fact I would be glad, the prospect of death would be such a relief. Honestly, if I had access to a easy way out of this life without a family member or friend having to find me, I wouldn’t be alive today.

So, here are the things I want to address if I were to go to counseling:
-I am suicidal.
-I am gay, no one knows, I have no one to talk to about it. This is my biggest concern, I need someone who will understand! It is so hard to live a lie every single day.
-I think I am depressed.
-I have no motivation, my schoolwork is falling by the wayside.
-My mother’s only concern is for her boyfriend.
-I don’t have a relationship with my father.
-I am in love with one of my best friends and it is killing me.
-very low self esteem, which is causing me to gain more weight.
-I have trouble sleeping.
-I asked my mum to sign me up for counseling and she told me that everyone else in the family is “fine” and told me to deal with it on my own. She knows I’m depressed and doesn’t take any action.

So those are the central issues I need help with. I just don’t know what to say to a total stranger. Can you please tell me what to expect? If I feel more prepared it won’t seem so scary. Maybe a little encouragement and support? I need some sort of push to actually walk in and make an appointment, but I’m very scared..

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22 Answers

wundayatta's avatar

You start by getting to know each other. You’ll be telling your therapist the stuff you just told us. Why are you there? Only you’ll be filling out more of the details.

You may not get along with your first therapist. You don’t have to stay with him or her. It is find to keep looking until you find someone you connect with.

You’re there, though. Good luck!

MollyMcGuire's avatar

Well, you are talking to a stranger now. You will find it quite easy to open up to a counselor. Do it. Do it now. Don’t wait. There is happiness to be found and enjoyed. Make the appointment now. Today.

leopardgecko123's avatar

you can’t deal with it on your own. I’ve never been there, but you should talk to somebody. If you have any really close friends you can tell anything to. If you don’t that’s okay, I’ve never had that either and not a lot of people have, as far as I know. I know that talking in person and over the internet like this is way different.
Maybe you could write a letter for the therapist to read? I do that sometimes when I’m too afraid to speak. I don’t think it’s going to be easy, but it will pay off if he/she is a good therapist. if not, find a new one! Someday it will get better. Getting out things you’ve been hiding for a long time feels so good, even if you don’t tell a person.
Like I told Jesus, and that helped. But if you don’t believe in him, that’s okay.
I’ll pray for you!!

desiree333's avatar

@wundayatta I will be so nervous to actually say “I’m gay”. I can’t even say it to my friends, parents, not even my sister. Also, the counseling center’s webpage said that sometimes it only takes 1 or 2 sessions. But I feel like I need so much more than that. Will I feel rushed?

@MollyMcGuire I can say all of my secrets on here because it is fairly anonymous. I also don’t have to say these things to anyone’s face.

@leopardgecko123 The only friend that I feel close enough to say these things to is the one that I like. Thank you for the letter idea! That would make things so much easier. Maybe I can just give it to the therapist right off the bat. Once he/she knows what is going on, I won’t mind simply elaborating. This has already given me so much more courage to take the leap.

Judi's avatar

Your counselor won’t judge you or out you.

Sunny2's avatar

How many psychologists are needed to change a light bulb?
Only one, but the light bulb really has to want to change.
Old joke, but if you want to change, that’s the way to go.
Remember, anything you talk about will be unlike to be something they haven’t heard before. Everything you say will be confidential. It’s free (It probably won’t be if you wait until you finish school) Write the letter @leopardgecko123 suggested and get going. You’ll look back and wonder why you wasted time worrying.

Jeruba's avatar

@desiree333, you don’t have to say “I’m gay” out loud. Not only are there lots of ways around it but the therapist should be really sensitive to sexual issues and pick up on any cues. For instance, if the therapist says “Do you have a boyfriend?” you can say “I’m not attracted to men.” That’ll get you there. So will very many other routes.

Don’t worry, the therapist is trained to lead you gently into your areas of concern. You don’t have to walk in and just bare your soul.

King_Pariah's avatar

Frankly, nothing we say can convince you. It could be pointed out that seeing a counselor is done in confidentiality and nothing discussed will be talked about to other people (friends family etc) without your explicit permission. But I’d figure you would probably know this. In the end you just gotta do it, and preferably before you do something like suicide.

Pandora's avatar

Ask yourself what is scarier. Going to get help, or knowing you could’ve gotten help but since your refused it you are living a miserable life everyday. Or worse, not living at all.
The worst that can happen is it doesn’t help. But you already know how that goes.
The very best that can happen is it does work.
You have nothing, absolutely nothing to lose, and everything to gain. At the very least, you get to tell someone face to face who you really are. It will probably feel like a huge relief just to tell someone.
Your waiting for other people in your life to tell you what you need. Love yourself enough to fight for what you need. The problems with secrets is they warp your mind about how you should feel about yourself. You don’t need to worry about what the therapist or anyone thinks of you because you have no reason to appologize about how you feel about anything. Begin with loving yourself and let your therapist help you through the rest.
Best wishes.

desiree333's avatar

@Jeruba That makes me feel a little more relieved. Hopefully I won’t have to say anything as bluntly as I’ve said above.

@King_Pariah If the therapist eventually finds out that I am suicidal, do you know if they will have to admit me for some sort of psychiatric evaluation?

@Pandora Thank you, you are completely right.

Jeruba's avatar

I’m also thinking of my friend, who had to log 3000—that’s three thousand—hours of clinical experience in addition to her master’s degree coursework and licensing exams before she could practice as a therapist. Chances are you’re not going to say anything that shocks or surprises the university therapist.

King_Pariah's avatar

@desiree333 It’s possible. Thus it may arise that you may have to go into a psych ward for a bit. Or he/she can evaluate you there and can make a call if you really actually need it or if continuous therapy (and maybe meds) will be enough

Hell, I was released from a Walter Reed’s Ward 54 still at a extremely high risk for suicide and continued therapy on my own until I felt it wasn’t helping anymore.

desiree333's avatar

@King_Pariah Thank you for your honesty. Even though I don’t wish to be sent to a psych ward, I will still be telling my therapist. Maybe it is what I need, and maybe being sent to the hospital will get it across to my mother how serious my depression is (I haven’t actually been diagnosed with depression, but I’m fairly certain).

King_Pariah's avatar

@desiree333 I wish you the best.

augustlan's avatar

@desiree333 I’ve been where you are right now, and I waited a loooong time to get the help I needed. Please don’t make the same mistake! Life is ever so much better on the other side of depression (and anxiety). Get in there and do this, girl!

desiree333's avatar

@augustlan I have definitely waited a few years too long. I’ve never been this suicidal before and it’s becoming a preoccupation. I’m going to make an appointment on Monday, finally!

jazmina88's avatar

Free yourself. Be yourself. There is a wad of love in your heart.

Go. Start your journey.

Pandora's avatar

One thing has occurred to me. Have you ever considered getting a full physical and talk to your dr. about these things first. Before you go get your head checked out, you may want to rule out anything physical. Its not uncommon for people to neglect their health when they are in school. Make you don’t have an underlying problem that has gone undiagnosed that is leading to the lack of sleep or weight gain. Lack of sleep can be caused by many health problems and lead to depression. It be caused from low vitamins, poor eating habits, lack of exercise,thyroid problems, organs not functioning correctly. Be sure to tell your doctor everything. He won’t know what to look for if you don’t tell him everything that is going on. If he says he doesn’t find anything physical than you know you may need to see a therapist.

Skylight's avatar

You have abandoned yourself. You are more concerned with what people think of you, than defending your right to be the unique person you are. Nothing is more apt to make you depressed. This causes us to blame others for our problems and fear our own uniqueness. You may also have some chemical imbalances in your brain, giving you a tendency towards depression. Those could be easily fixed, with a visit to a therapist. As far as suicide, I can only share my personal belief. I believe in reincarnation. What that means is this, we each have a specific journey in this life with specific problems. You have stated some of yours here. It is our responsibility to face those challenges, and we have what it takes to do so, or what good would it do to have them in our lives? There is no escape in taking your own life and cutting your journey short. What that means is, you will simply have to start all over in your next lifetime and be confronted once again with your same predicament. Therefore, suicide is a good way to ensure that all of the time you have already lived, will have to be lived again. Face your problems by first having the courage and integrity of seeking honest help from someone who can help you. You can do it, and you truly need to reconnect with your own sense of self worth and your own sense of personal power.

desiree333's avatar

@Pandora I just went for a physical in very late December, the 29th actually. I told my doctor about my weight gain, but not the depression. I got blood work, xrays, urine sample, and a EKG. Other than low iron I don’t have anything wrong with me physically. I have been taking iron supplements ever since, but I’ve always had low iron.

@Skylight I still haven’t done it, but I’m going to the counseling center tomorrow for sure. It just keeps getting worse and I’m starting to fantasize about death even when I’m not sad, like during class or when I’m with friends. I find myself researching about suicide too much, and looking around the house to see if my mum’s boyfriend’s gun is around. I’m also getting worse with studying habits, I couldn’t even muster up the enthusiasm to study for my midterms at all, I’m just so tired.

King_Pariah's avatar

I am glad to see you are going to the counselors tomorrow. :)

Remember, you are not weak, a coward, or a failure for seeking help and support. It takes quite a bit of courage for a person to admit that things are no longer completely in their control and that they need help and support to make it through. Good luck @desiree333

augustlan's avatar

I’m so glad you’re going in tomorrow. {hugs}

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