General Question

janbb's avatar

Should I confront my gossipy hairdresser or not?

Asked by janbb (58035points) January 29th, 2012

Only my hairdresser knew for sure – but then he told! My best friend went to her book club and was asked by some of the members about my relationship status. When friend pressed them, they revealed that my hairdresser had told them. (I had told him early on when talking to random people seemed to help. ) I know he is a gossip; it was foolish of me to talk to him. And it doesn’t matter that much, but it is annoying. He is a good hairdresser and sorta nice guy. Confront him or let it lie?

Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

47 Answers

jrpowell's avatar

What good does a confrontation do?

Did they know the info wasn’t to be shared?

gailcalled's avatar

Let it lie, particularly if you love the way he cuts your hair.

My father always said that once you tell one other person, it is no longer a secret.

janbb's avatar

That is my inclination too and @johnpowell – no, I didn’t tell him it was a confidence. I will be more circumspect with him in the future for sure.

LuckyGuy's avatar

I would not say anything. I would be careful from now on. You might be able to use the knowledge that he is a gossip to your favor some day.

SpatzieLover's avatar

Oh @janbb I feel for you. I live in a village. It seemed anything I said to my hairdresser got ‘round to cousins, in-laws-etc. I could stand not telling her anything, but she chose to pry too much. Over time, I wound up changing hairsdressers.

If you like this fella, let it go, but be more selective with what you share.

Coloma's avatar

Gossipy people are toxic. Sooo, do you want nice hair or to enable a toxic person?
I’d probably say I’m not afraid of being assertive ” Ya know, I’d prefer we talk about something else other than other people. Wouldn’t it be cool if Mastodons still roamed the planet.” lol

bkcunningham's avatar

I’d wait and find an opportunity, when the time is just right to let him know in a lighthearted, semi-joking way that I’d have to be careful what I said to him in the future. But, that’s just me.

janbb's avatar

@Coloma I got him away from his rabid politics some years ago and usually we only gossip about local restaurants, the beach culture, etc.

jrpowell's avatar

Maybe the problem is with this, “My best friend went to her book club and was asked by some of the members about my relationship status. When friend pressed them, they revealed that my hairdresser had told them.”.

Keep the hairdresser and look into new friends.

chyna's avatar

Good hairdressers are hard to find. Let it go, but watch what you tell him in the future.

Coloma's avatar

@janbb Oh god…well then, anything but rabid politics…run, run, run..lol

JilltheTooth's avatar

If you like how he does your hair, consider it a lesson learned and talk about recipes or whatever from now on. Confronting him will make him feel remorseful, probably, and he’ll honestly feel badly, and it probably won’t change how gossipy he is.

jca's avatar

Let it go, and in the future, talk about light hearted topics like where you go on vacation or what color he’s painting his house.

janbb's avatar

@johnpowell I’m not sure what you meant by that last remark. That my friend shouldn’t have told me that people were gossiping about me? I think you’re wrong there.

Dog's avatar

Ouch. I have a hairdresser like yours. I learned early on that it is better to keep them talking about themselves (which the hairdresser seems to love) than share stuff about my life.

If you wish to keep the hairdresser simply paint the story to them in words you wish everyone to think is reality. I know it sounds strange- but with gossips you have to imagine yourself not talking to a confidant but to a microphone to the galaxy.

Regarding what @johnpowell said- I think he might be referring to the fact that your friends were discussing you in your absence. Perhaps he will clarify but it would bother me a bit to be discussed personally in such a manner. However I am exceptionally introverted and private so please take what I say with that in mind.

janbb's avatar

@Dog Yes, but the only one who was my friend there was the one they were asking and she didn’t reveal anything to them (had not even told her grown children about me until I did.) The others are just neighborhood women.

I do usually just keep it light with him; I slipped up in my vulnerability. But I am pissed off at him too and may have to say something or leave….

Dog's avatar

@janbb I have been there and understand that. Gossip is like poison. I am glad your friend is trustworthy!

I will never understand gossips. It is so unproductive and negative.

Oh- by the way- I found a NEW hairdresser. She is wonderful and I do not feel like I am being grilled when getting my hair done. :)

janbb's avatar

I’m thinking of it.

augustlan's avatar

Oh, I’m sorry that happened to you, @janbb. Just what you needed, eh?

That said, since you didn’t tell him it was a secret, I wouldn’t confront him about it. Even knowing that, though, it might be hard to let go of the anger you feel about it. If you think you will no longer feel at ease with him, or will feel resentful while sitting in his chair, it would probably be best to find another hairdresser.

gailcalled's avatar

I am sorry, too, Jan, but agree that you have to be pissed off only at yourself. Bitch and moan to us. You did not tell him to please keep it to himself.

Report back in two weeks about whether to jump ship or not. Will your hair need cutting soon or can you stew for a while?

janbb's avatar

I can stew and this is not a major crisis in my life – there are several others much higher on the list. Just a minor annoyance I felt like airing.

gailcalled's avatar

Keep on airing it.

Dog's avatar

Air away! Maybe a few people will see themselves in this question and realize how damaging talk can be!

CWOTUS's avatar

You told your hairdresser. He’s not a doctor or rabbi. Part of his appeal to many women is that he does have things to tell them. For many women (some that I know) the “hair” aspect of the visit to the beauty shop is sometimes secondary to whatever else goes on – and gets aired – there.

gailcalled's avatar

I wash and condition my hair at home, sit down in the hairdresser’s chair for a trim and then rush away asap. No blow drying, no products, no fussing, and almost no conversation.

Me; “How’s your daughter, your tendonitis and your boyfriend?”

Then I get to meditate.

EverRose11's avatar

Confrontation seems silly you are the one tha said whatever it was you did not wish to get out…you obviously know he is a chatterboxI would remember this and never tel him a thing I did not want to get out to other people. MUMS THE WORD…

Bellatrix's avatar

Playing devil’s advocate, perhaps he asked someone he knew was a friend (think they would know since they are a friend) how you were doing and it came out. Or he could have just been gossiping for gossiping sake. Lesson learned @janbb.

LuckyGuy's avatar

…. or maybe he is trying to fix you up with someone.

JilltheTooth's avatar

Is anyone surprised that that’s @LuckyGuy‘s take on this??? XD

janbb's avatar

Yup – lesson learned.

marinelife's avatar

Wow, I’m sorry that you were blindsided by this. I always just asked my hairdresser questions about her life. The saga was a soap opera that I found entertaining.

I think given time you will realize that you didn’t tell him it was confidential, and so he is not at fault. You can tell him that you wished he would not have talked about you with other clients.

LuckyGuy's avatar

Guys won’t know you are available unless they know you are available. And how do you think that happens? Hopefully the story he’s telling is your version. You don’t want it to sound like a female Newt Gangrich telling his wife while she is in the hospital recovering from cancer that he is leaving her for a younger women he’s been diddling for years.

If you feel you must say something, next time you see him hold your head high and thank him for spreading the word. Flirt and ask him if he is busy next Thursday.
That will show him you know he knows you know that he…, and it will show you are single and loving it. (a very attractive quality) You might even get a reduced rate on the cut.

janbb's avatar

@marinelife That is what I have realized after thinking on it although still chagrined and what I meant by confrontation was something along the lines you suggested. I was so vulnerable in the beginning that I talked too much.

@LuckyGuy Not sure if the beauty parlor – although uni-sex – is the place to get the word out.

LuckyGuy's avatar

Would you rather it was announced at a Sports Bar? I didn’t think so. By doing it in the beauty parlor he had time to fully tell your side of the story.
Heck, if the slimy Newt had a hairdresser spreading his side of the story, we’d all be mad at his ex-wife for denying sex while she was in the hospital.

janbb's avatar

@LuckyGuy You just want to play schadchan for me, bubbeleh!

JilltheTooth's avatar

This is getting cute…

LuckyGuy's avatar

Of course I do. I heard the schadchan gets 10% of the action. ;-)

janbb's avatar

And the best 10% at that! (wiggles tailfeathers.)

LuckyGuy's avatar

Is it my imagination or is it getting warmer in here?

janbb's avatar

@LuckyGuy It was kinda chilly until you came in!

janbb's avatar

Update: Got my hair done and wasn’t planning to say anything. In the middle of it, I just touched his arm and said I had to say something. Told him that it had gotten back to me that he had been telling people about the split and while I hadn’t said it was in confidence, it bothered me. He apologized, said ”‘Nough said” and we moved on. I felt very good that I had said something and had done it in a gentle way.

Bellatrix's avatar

Good for you @janbb. Hopefully he learned something and you now feel better about the whole thing.

janbb's avatar

@Bellatrix Yes, I felt really good about the way I handled it; not being confrontational but not just letting it fester inside me.

gailcalled's avatar

@janbb: Good for you. I bet that the next time will be even easier and with less brooding beforehand.

Response moderated (Writing Standards)
Response moderated
Response moderated (Writing Standards)

Answer this question

Login

or

Join

to answer.

This question is in the General Section. Responses must be helpful and on-topic.

Your answer will be saved while you login or join.

Have a question? Ask Fluther!

What do you know more about?
or
Knowledge Networking @ Fluther