Social Question

AshlynM's avatar

Topics to avoid discussing about on a first date?

Asked by AshlynM (10542points) February 2nd, 2012

Past relationships.

What else?

Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

44 Answers

janbb's avatar

Probably religion and politics unless they are deal breakers for you in which case go for it.

KatawaGrey's avatar

Gross medical issues.

YoKoolAid's avatar

money/wealth

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

No whining about problems in either persons life.

Tropical_Willie's avatar

Police record.

LezboPirate's avatar

Your period. Babies. Weddings.

rebbel's avatar

Breakfast

Aster's avatar

I’d have to say weddings and your ex. lol

KatawaGrey's avatar

@rebbel: Wouldn’t that depend on how well the date goes? ;)

cazzie's avatar

If you stick to asking and talking about family, travel & food, school experiences, hobbies, sport (if it is a common interest), perhaps work anecdotes….. Be positive. Nieces or nephews you love and telling cute kid stories is good. Pets are good too. Ask open ended questions where he can just talk. ‘Did you like the college / high school you went to?’ or Tell a story about a family vacation you took as a kid and then ask him about what kind of family vacations he went on, that sort of thing.

Avoid discussing health problems, complaining about stuff of any kind the two biggies… religion and politics… if those two come up… just gloss them over like a nice shiny car wax…. Don’t talk about… ‘This guy I dated once… blah blah blah’ ick.

Avoid talking about friends you may have in common. That can become too much like talking behind someone’s back and opinions shared could be misconstrued.

RealEyesRealizeRealLies's avatar

politics… religion… electrolysis… hallucinogenic experiences… guardian angels… and that time alone in the locker room with ranger Rick at summer camp.

LezboPirate's avatar

Oooh! Tell him all your weird stuff. Like “I’m scared of closed shower curtains, because I always think someone is in there,” Good stuff. Maybe he’ll tell you his weird stuff then. :D

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

@LezboPirate That might be a good idea. If he’s nuts you probably want to know pretty quickly.

chyna's avatar

Don’t bash your ex or even talk about an ex and don’t discuss in detail your surgeries. Also, casual references to your family is okay, but don’t drone on about how you and your mom (or sister, or brother) don’t get along.

SpatzieLover's avatar

Only K.I.S.S. for all first date conversations (Keep It Simple Stupid).

Mamradpivo's avatar

Your racist grandparents.
Your neighbor who talks to you about aliens.
Mitt Romney.

Response moderated (Flame-Bait)
Blackberry's avatar

Religion, politics, abortion, or pretty much anything a politician would talk about to a group of people.

6rant6's avatar

Too much about your folks. Don’t promote the “I have issues” angle. We all have them of course, but you don’t need to excel.

marinelife's avatar

Your past relationships.
What’s wrong with men (or women).
What makes you weird.

Berserker's avatar

I’m not sure that talking about religion or politics on a date is that bad an idea. Not that I engage in these conversations all that often, but I find them to go much differently offline than online. It can often be pretty interesting, and it’s a good way to know more about the person, and explore their angles, and let them explore yours.

I would, however, refrain from talking about family/work problems too much. Anything that keeps saying ’‘me me me!!’’ constantly probably isn’t a very good idea. Unless I guess it’s a side that one can’t hide. :/ Getting too personal too fast seems pushy and kind of freaky.

Keep_on_running's avatar

Guys, guys… you’re taking out all the good stuff. What’s left to discuss? The weather?

SpatzieLover's avatar

How great your body looks in a bikini, @Keep_on_running ;)

Keep_on_running's avatar

Lol, that’d be the day…

Pandora's avatar

Ask the person about their interests.
Things to avoid talking about is everything about yourself without a pause for them to speak about themselves.
Don’t ask the question, Where do you see yourself in 10 years.
How many children do you want or not want.
Can I facebook you later.
Can I take your photo to put in my phone.
Can I have your home phone, work phone and cell phone numbers. (Stalker)

You can ask them about their work but if they ask you about yours, make sure you don’t turn it into a novel.
Talk about fun things your like to do. Most people are looking for common interests in the first date. A reason this person may be worth going to certain places with.

Sponge's avatar

Your 2 dicks and 4 nuts

phoebusg's avatar

Actually I’ve been able to discuss pretty much anything on a first date. I’d say instead of avoiding things to discuss – avoid—or transform the attitude from one of “omg what should I do/not do” to – be yourself. Relax, connect with the other person. Be in the moment with them. Discuss whatever flows.

I could go on and mention some pretty weird and shocking conversations for first dates. And yes, there were many dates after them – and weirder or fun and very honest conversations. I think you’re more likely to find out more about the real person with this ‘style’.

chyna's avatar

I wouldn’t discuss “the wedding I’ve dreamed of since I was a child”. I knew a girl that did that and never got a second date, although she was a pretty girl.

cazzie's avatar

Don’t talk about Fight Club.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

Herpes outbreaks.

LuckyGuy's avatar

Don’t mention exes or previous relationships. You are on a date and all your attention should be on that person.
You should use the time to discover if there are “deal breakers” so you do not waste your time – or theirs.
For example. If you are a vegan and won’t date a meat eater then watch what they eat.
If you are a die-hard christian bible thumper and would be repulsed by an atheist then casually work in a way to mention your belief.
What are your thoughts on drugs, drinking, etc.? These can all be deal breakers and it is so easy to determine if you just let the other person speak.
For example if I asked: “How was your weekend?” and the answer was: “Awesome! Dude, I got so f**kin’ wasted at the Christians for Vegans fund raiser!” I probably would not date you again.
You don’t have to ask the questions directly. Just listen. Did they go to church on Sunday or rock climbing? Did they have a glass of wine or 2 or 3? How many beers? How did they behave?
Don’t make it an inquisition but keep your ears open. People don’t do that enough.

chyna's avatar

@LuckyGuy All excellent points. I went on a first and last lunch date with a guy because he drank 2 drinks at lunch. He had to go back to work and I thought to myself that he probably drinks too much if he drinks at lunch. Not always true, but in this case it was. He called me two nights later at about 5 o’clock in the afternoon very drunk. Watch their actions to learn about them.

LuckyGuy's avatar

@chyna We all know the saying “You can’t tell a book by its cover” but actually we can tell an awful lot about whether or not it is worth reading. If the guy behaves that way on a first date what will he be like later?

Do you know why some men behave so badly when they are on a date? Because there are still women who will date and mate with them. It is up to women to break the cycle.
Leave the losers at home.

janbb's avatar

@LuckyGuy Will you come and be my coach when I go on a date?

chyna's avatar

@janbb Can I watch while @LuckyGuy coaches you?

janbb's avatar

Depends how far the coaching goes! :-)

chyna's avatar

Exactly my point!

LuckyGuy's avatar

I think we should all go together and watch @AshlynM .
Think of the years of experience we bring to the table.

Dutchess_III's avatar

How great you think yourself is.

Dutchess_III's avatar

Don’t discuss, in detail, over enchilada dinners, how an engine dropped off of a hoist onto your hand and almost cut your middle finger off and how gross it was and how when the Dr. went to numb it, then needle went clean through the finger and he stuck your other finger. After we got married I told him that was a totally GROSS story and asked if he was some kinda moron!

CWOTUS's avatar

I’d answer the question differently, as is my wont.

Don’t try to keep a checklist of “things not to talk about”. That’s a sure way to kill conversations. Leave your options open to talk about anything, and let your date bring up what he/she will. No subject should be taboo. (That’s a good way to avoid Date #2 if you want to, because you’ll seem like a wet blanket.) Anything can be discussed that the two parties think is relevant or acceptable. If you find something unacceptable, then it’s okay to mention that, too. (Try not to do it often. For example, you’ll note that @Dutchess married the guy whose conversation she found “totally gross”.)

No, the bigger thing is “What should we talk about?” In a date with a new person where you’re trying to get to know each other, sometimes the problem is trying to come up with topics to discuss.

So make your own mental checklist of things that you’d like to know about your new date (or things that you’d like him to know about you) and figure out how to steer the conversation in those directions. It’s always helpful to see something in your current environment (with the other person) and make an observation about that, in a way that ties it to your experience.

For example: You’re on the sidewalk heading to the restaurant and you see a really broken-down old car parked at the curb. You both see it. You can make the observation (if it applies) that your family once owned a car like that, and you’re glad that you still don’t (or wish that you still did). Or maybe you see a hot new car and relate that to the car your date is driving (positively, if you can). That way you’re developing common points of reference; seeing things together and starting from those common reference points to develop conversations about things that you can both see and relate to. Doing that helps to understand each other when the conversation gets more into “invisible” things, feelings, etc.

When all else fails, because even with animated and interested people sometimes an awkward lull can fall on a conversation, tell him (it won’t really be a fib, because I did read this and now I’m referring you to it), “I once read an article about ‘conversation’ that said intelligent people should be able to discuss anything from babies to helicopter maintenance. So… what are your thoughts on helicopter maintenance?” It has worked several times to reanimate conversations that I’ve had.

janbb's avatar

@CWOTUS I would date you if politics were off the table.

I am actually finding now that I am meeting a lot of men (not in a dating situation) that many are very easy to talk to. And if they’re not, then I move on and it’s their loss.

janbb's avatar

thank you. waves flipper in gratitude.

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