General Question

chelle21689's avatar

Do you think the boyfriend should help pay for birth control?

Asked by chelle21689 (7769points) February 2nd, 2012

Why or why not? I personally think they should because it takes two to tango if it’s pricey.

Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

66 Answers

SpatzieLover's avatar

I think boyfriend should take 100% responsibility for his sexual health and you should take 100% responsibility for your own.

MrItty's avatar

I think that’s a decision for each individual couple to make on their own.

That being said, if my g/f asked me to go halves on the cost of her pills, I would do so in a heartbeat.

chelle21689's avatar

@SpatzieLover, that doesn’t make sense to me because it’s both of your sexual health. Think about it, if I’m paying for NuvaRing and it’s $44 a month and gets expensive very quickly…the boyfriend does nothing? He gets to have sex with you while you’re basically paying to be able to have sex without having a baby.

chyna's avatar

It would be nice, but I doubt any will take that responsibility.

Mamradpivo's avatar

I’ve willingly split birth control costs and would do so again. It just seems like the right thing to do.

SpatzieLover's avatar

@chelle21689 You’ve had more than one question regarding wanting your BF to pay for things. My opinion remains. As a woman, I am responsible for myself. That responsibility does not stop at my health or my bills.

Lightlyseared's avatar

They pay for the birth control or they pay for the child support. Easy.

chelle21689's avatar

@SpatzieLover, what does that have to do with anything? Why does my past questions have to be in this discussion? I’m not asking about my boyfriend, I want to know opinions. Well if you’re pregnant, it’s also the man takes part in it also.

MrItty's avatar

@SpatzieLover Preventing a child from being conceived has absolutely bupkis to do with either partner’s “sexual health”.

chelle21689's avatar

But birth control isn’t about being healthy it is about preventing pregnancies. Like I said before, birth control can be up to $44 or more…which adds up to over $500 a year. What’s wrong with asking your man to help pay for it? If he likes having sex without the condom and hates it then why not?

JilltheTooth's avatar

The cold hard fact is that it is the woman’s sole responsibility to prevent pregnancy if she doesn’t want to be pregnant, because she is the one who gets pregnant. That does not absolve the man of responsibility after the fact but whether or not there is a moral issue here, she can get pregnant, he can’t. You can certainly ask him, and withhold intimacy if he refuses, but ultimately, because of basic biology, it is up to you to prevent pregnancy, whether through contraceptive methods or abstinence.

MrItty's avatar

@JilltheTooth The question was whether or not the guy should help pay for BC, not whether or not the girl should just give up and not use BC if he refuses to split the cost.

SpatzieLover's avatar

Male birth control (condoms) help prevent STDs. STDs can cause infertility.

The details of this question/scenario gave no amount of time period for dating prior to discussing payment of birth control. If I were dating, I’d expect him to take care of himself.

6rant6's avatar

Sure. Split it. You pay your share of the restaurant bills of course, don’t you? You give him gas money when he drives, right?

JilltheTooth's avatar

Yes, @MrItty , I read and understood the question. My response still stands, as I believe it’s not that simple. Lots of things “should” be so, reality often changes the landscape.

MrItty's avatar

@SpatzieLover Yes it did. The question specifically referred to the male as a “boyfriend”, not “guy I sometimes sleep with”.

MrItty's avatar

@JilltheTooth So you read and understood the question, and chose not to answer it, but to answer a completely different question. Thanks for clarifying.

chelle21689's avatar

6rant6, we are the type of couple that pays our own way and take turns using the car. Sometimes we’ll treat each other to a meal or something nice. I was just asking for people’s opinions because we want birth control and he said he’d offer to help pay for Nuvaring. So I started to wonder what other people thought. I never been on pills before, I’m thinking about trying it because it’s cheaper.

SpatzieLover's avatar

Boyfriend might mean one thing to her and another thing to him @MrItty.

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Mamradpivo's avatar

It seems to me that a guy who’s not willing to help his girlfriend out on this matter in a committed relationship isn’t really in a committed relationship.

If money is the issue and splitting the costs will make a difference, not stepping up when the question is asked is definitely a symptom of a bigger problem

cazzie's avatar

@chelle21689 if he has offered to pay, take him up on the offer. You are in a committed, sharing relationship. These things cost money. You both enjoy the ‘benefits’ of birth control, so why not?

marinelife's avatar

Most women have the cost of birth control covered by their insurance. However, if it is an expense to you, then there is no reason not to ask him since if you weren’t seeing him and having sex with him, you would not need it.

chelle21689's avatar

@Cazzie, I know but this question isn’t really about advice. It’s about other people’s opinions on the subject.

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XOIIO's avatar

I’d split it, I’m the one jamming it in and you’re the one taking it, 50/50

MrItty's avatar

@JilltheTooth Because whose responsibility it is is not the question. Whether or not the guy SHOULD HELP PAY is the question. At absolutely no point did the OP claim that she was going to abdicate responsibility and let him decide whether or not BC was used.

Coloma's avatar

I agree with @SpatzieLover

Every person is 100% responsible for their own sexual health and reproductive responsibilities.
Many a boyfriend has had a girl “trick” him into an unwanted pregnancy in a manipulative way, in hopes he will commit. Many a girl has been led to believe the boyfriend is committed to a LT relationship, only to find out that his commitment is only true as long as there are no little blue sticks in his face. lol
Better safe than sorry and shotgun weddings are a disaster in the making. I know people who are still miserably married 30 years after the shotgun fired.

He needs to keep the safety on his firearm and you need to make sure your gun safe is tamper proof. :-)

MrItty's avatar

@JilltheTooth & @SpatzieLover let’s try this:
“Should a man pay child support for his biological child?”

Would either of you, rather than saying “Yes” or “No” simply answer “It’s your responsibility to feed your children”? Of course not. Because that’s not was asked. She didn’t ask whether or not a woman is responsible for making sure her children are fed. She asked whether or not the guy SHOULD pay his part.

It is exactly the same situation that the OP asked. Not whether or not it is the woman’s responsibility to use BC. She’s going to use BC regardless. That is not at issue. The question is whether or not the guy SHOULD pay half of it.

lonelydragon's avatar

It’s up to each couple to decide how much the man pays (whether it’s half, nothing, or somewhere in between), but I believe he should at least offer. After all, both are enjoying the benefits of birth control.

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cazzie's avatar

I have to think waaaaaay back, but when I was younger, I took it upon myself to not get pregnant. My mother drilled it into my head. The poor woman had 9 children.

BUT, when you are in a proper relationship, these things are discussed and joint decisions are made. It is just a matter of course, when you look at income division and monthly expenses in your household. If you share a household and the expenses.. well, you are basically in a marriage-type relationship, as far as I’m concerned.

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rebbel's avatar

Does a couple both pay for food on the table?
Do they split costs for a roof over their head?
They drive a car that is paid for by him and her or her/her, him/him?
This all with in mind the propartionality factor.
If yes to these questions, in my opinion, they could just as well both pay for condoms/the pill/whathaveyou.

chelle21689's avatar

@rebbel, yup. I haven’t paid for condoms he bought though. I bought some of my own before for us… I think it’s unfair to compare just because condoms are pretty cheap and birth control is much more expensive without insurance.
EVEN if it is condoms, I think that one couple shouldn’t be the only one contributing…

Bellatrix's avatar

[Mod says…] People, this is General, can we stay on topic please.

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deni's avatar

My boyfriend suggested I start taking the pill and once I did, we split it 50/50 every month. I personally think it’s nice, and fair.

nikipedia's avatar

Splitting the cost seems fair to me. I would argue that having an adult conversation on the topic and coming to an agreement does constitute taking care of one’s own sexual health, even if the male half ends up contributing some cash.

And @Nullo, haha! I liked your joke.

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Aethelflaed's avatar

There really isn’t one straight answer that works for everyone. It depends on various circumstances, the individuals involved, and if either partner is unsatisfied with the current arrangement. I myself wouldn’t ask my boyfriend to help pay for it, because I’m actually on oral contraception for reasons other than pregnancy prevention. If I became celibate tomorrow, I’d still take my pill. So it doesn’t really seem right to me to ask my boyfriend to pay for something that I’ll be taking regardless of his existence.

Beyond that, I also find that when I rely on someone else for help paying for something, it’s then harder to pay for it on my own. So it’s actually easier for me to keep being self-sufficient than to have him chip in $20 a month, especially since I’m pretty adamant about not wanting a pregnancy.

But, if you’re only getting the Ring because you’re having sex with him, and he’s just as thrilled you’re on the Ring as you are, and you feel like this creates an unequal relationship, then talk to him about it.

tranquilsea's avatar

I would never want to rely on a boyfriend to pay half. If I’m paying then I know I’ll always have the money to keep it up.

Hain_roo's avatar

In a perfect world the boyfriend should be more than willing to pay half. I mean if you’re ingesting birth control medication you’re not only preventing pregnancy- you’re subjecting yourself to potential side effects.

mrrich724's avatar

If condoms had to be used, would you pay for them, pay for half the cost of them, or make him pay full price?

Whatever your answer is to that, I think is fair to your BC question.

Then use the example to illustrate it to him in your favor: “well I’d pay for half the condom bill if we needed to use those on a daily basis instead of the BC”

Seaofclouds's avatar

I think it’s completely up to the couple. If I was on birth control before I started dating someone, I wouldn’t expect them to suddenly start paying half my birth control just because we were now together and he was getting to take advantage of the birth control. If a couple made the decision together, than I can understand them splitting the cost. Personally, I’ve never even thought of asking someone else to split the cost of my birth control.

If our choice of birth control was too expensive, it would be time to look into other options.

fredTOG's avatar

If he is gonna get some he better, or have some long cold nights.

jazmina88's avatar

I think it is your responsibility to decide what you should do about pregnancy and sexual responsibility.

In the end, the results are yours. The cost is yours financially as well. As a female adult, act responsibly.

I had 2 long term relationships and was responsible for my own birth preventative.

If one would be with 4 guys, not saying you do, should each pay 20 or 25%. Not every is monogamous.

Since he does want BC and has offered, go right ahead. and maybe you could look into less expensive options. I would not like the ring. I’m in a mind set of a pill poppin nation. I dont think the foreign ring would be the best solution for me.

6rant6's avatar

I’ve been thinking about this. I’ve decided you both deserve kudos for discussing it.

Compared to the overall cost of a relationship, long term, this is a trivial cost. There isn’t any right or wrong on how you bare the costs. And this money is not enough to make anyone’s life measurably better or worse by having it to spend or not having it to spend.

But talking openly about such a profoundly intimate and simultaneously mundane issue strengthens your relationship’s foundation.

mattbrowne's avatar

Should girls pay half when boys buy condoms?

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mattbrowne's avatar

I favor a 50/50 split regardless of the birth control method.

Ron_C's avatar

The way I see it is why are you having sex with someone cheap enough to argue about how birth control measures are paid?

Aethelflaed's avatar

@Ron_C When you’re poor, birth control costs aren’t so cheap, and add up fast.

Ron_C's avatar

Babies cost much more than birth control.

XOIIO's avatar

If it’s too expensive to buy birth control, then stop having sex, stick to oral, or use the back door.

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elizainhollywood's avatar

I think this is a conversation that two people in a relationship should have with each other. Birth control can be very expensive especially if there’s no insurance to pay for it. If the only birth control method is used by the girlfriend then the nice thing to do is to help cover the costs.

jca's avatar

@Ron_C: Babies do cost much more than birth control, but birth control is a cost that has to be paid no matter what, whereas getting pregnant is a gamble. People may not get pregnant for years when not on birth control.

Ron_C's avatar

@jca I don’t know if it still works this way but you used to be able to get birth control help from Planned Parenthood. At least before the right wing maggots started blowing them up.

I don’t think you should gamble with pregnancy, it is gambling with a human life. I hate abortions but have no say in what women do with their body, I just think birth control is safer, and less painless than the alternatives.

jca's avatar

@Ron_C: Maybe you’re misunderstanding me. I don’t think you should gamble with pregnancy either, and birth control IS definitely safer and less painless than the alternatives. What I am saying is if someone has little or no money, makes a very low wage, can barely make ends meet, has to figure out which bills are not going to be paid this month, that person probably does not have cash to shell out for birth control on a monthly basis. Whereas, people sometimes (not all the time, but sometimes) can go months or years (or a lifetime if they’re infertile and don’t know it) without conceiving.

Planned Parenthood is great but who knows if it’s available everywhere?

Ron_C's avatar

@jca I understand what you’re saying about the cost of birth control, it’s similar to what Senior Citizens sometime experience, “what to I do buy food or medicine?”

Have you checked with Planned Parenthood? Even if there isn’t one near you, they may have a client or extension service. They are a great organization and I earmark most of my United Way fund donation for them. At least I did, a couple years ago they were taken off the list for the United Way fund. Again the result of reactionary right wing religion.

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