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If there are aspects of your past or your personality you feel people won't accept or understand, does that keep you from having the kind of intimate relationship you want?

Asked by wundayatta (58722points) February 3rd, 2012

In this question people mentioned a number of things about their past or personality they don’t talk about because they have found that when they do so, their potential partners will break off the relationship. Some people say it’s no one’s business. It’s the past. Don’t talk about it. Don’t take the risk of driving the person away.

What I am wondering is whether this gets people what they want. I.e., can you have a satisfactory intimate relationship where a person doesn’t really know your whole past? If you had a lot of lovers and now you find people stay away from you when you divulge this, do you lose anything by not ever telling your lover about your past?

Can you be truly known and truly loved if you do not disclose everything about you? If you say yes, how can you have a truly intimate relationship if your partner doesn’t know all your past?

If not, is it worth settling for an incomplete relationship if you can not find someone who will love you as you are, complete with all your past? Is having a partner even at the cost of pretending not to have a past worth it?

If it is not worth it, is there some way of presenting your past so a potential lover can understand it and accept you and love you, despite your past?

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