What thought comes to mind when you stare at yourself in the mirror?

Hey, good looking. And who’s that handsome cat sitting on your shoulder?

Hmmm. Dare I say I’m good looking. Oh wait. Am I getting fat in my face? I think so. Well, it’s a good thing other people think I look good, but I definitely have my doubts. Fuck the mirror, anyway! Who invented mirrors in the first place? If only there was a way to see the things you need to see but not see the things that make you queasy.

“Dude! Stand up straight!”

I have no idea what my wife sees in me.

How did moms jowls get there?

I need a haircut and henna.

Milo here; Hey, gorgeous. And who’s that dowdy and subservient lady whose shoulder you are sinking your claws into?

Geez, I need to lose weight.

Shit!

Er… Oh, it’s still you in there then. Huh.

There is no God! ( slaps face three times and cries in anguish )

Dang! You’re not Fran Drescher!

“Look at that handsome devil!”

It’s true! You don’t look anywhere near as old as you are.

Usually “What the fuck are you doing?” Also, “Look at how cute I am, gawd, I’m so fucking cute, smile, twirl” Followed by checking out my bum in the mirror when I have tight pants on.

More seriously though… Sometimes when I look into the mirror I start having deep conversations with myself where I explain some of my inner feelings about things. Like I’m explaining my thoughts out loud to myself. Its weird. But whatever. It helps me sort things out sometimes.

It often gets me present to being in and identifying with my physical body.

“Hmm, not bad for a fat guy.”

Mmmmmmmmmmm….....aren’t you a smoothie????!!!!!

“Nothing works”

“What in the hell happened..”
Why do I say this? Because I’m incredibly dissatisfied with how I look.
Do other people think this about me? Probably not.

I think, “Why so serious, love?”

“The last time this face was worth looking at was second grade. Quit looking. Except to get the part in your hair straight because it’s even worse when your hair is messed up.”

Or, if I’m too tired to expend that energy, a simple “EW!”

“My my, doesn’t that mirror need a cleaning….”

Handsome sum-biotch, don’t you EVER die! Hehehe!

My reflection doesn’t seem to appear…

I need to sleep more.

Irritation and panic.
“What if I never have a neck again? What if my husband is complaining about me to his co workers like he used to complain about his fat ex wife? Did my mom just sneer at me for wearing this dress today? Why am I so angry everytime I’m hungry and have to eat in front of other people? Gawd, this sucks!”
That’s pretty much my dressing/undressing inner monologue.

Sometimes I say, “How did you manage to get that much toothpaste on the mirror?” God, you’d think that I was using a machine gun to spray it on there!

@Kardamom That was pretty epic. :) Reminds of that Calvin and Hobbes strip where he pretends to be a dragon while brushing his teeth, and ’‘rending asunder’’ any knights who came to save the princess. XD

@Neizvestnaya: You need to change mirrors. When I saw your wedding pictures, I thought, “What a beautiful woman.” Who are YOU talking about?

@erichw1504: (looking at myself in the mirror) how can I get rid of these impurities?!! they seem to love my face too much!!! aaggghhhh!!!

omg. I’m 41, not 16. Why do I have a zit on my chin? ugh!

@jonsblond: that isn’t a zit. It might be something that you got from “eating” something..lol!

Where did all these wrinkles comes from?

@gailcalled: my bathroom mirror is one of those funhouse (not fun) kind, I think.

@Neizvestnaya: So, simply pretend that you are staring into my eyes.

@gailcalled: a wonderful idea, thank you lady.

I wish I was more this and that and cry.

@Hain_roo You gave me a bit of a fright there – I was convinced that you had put, ’ . . . haircut and hernia.’
I just wish for thicker hair and a less red face and turn the mirror to the wall and sigh.

I can’t get near a mirror. It takes one look at me and jumps off the wall, then runs away yelping. But that’s to be expected. The day I was born they tried to throw me away and keep the afterbirth.

Dude with that face, how did you end up with so many women in your life.