General Question

kid123's avatar

Why would a guy I was with all the sudden stop talking to me? without even breaking it off?

Asked by kid123 (26points) February 20th, 2012

I was with a guy for about two months. I basically lived at his house and one day after me staying at his place for a week and half. He dropped me off and said hed pick me up later on that night. He then stopped talking to me completly. Do guys do this a lot? We didn’t fight, and he just that day told me cares for a lot and wanted to take it serious. I’ve tried asking him what happened and he hasn’t said one word. Didn’t answer a text message at all?

Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

23 Answers

quiddidyquestions's avatar

He just wasn’t that into you.

Or his wife got back in town.

Or he has major issues and you don’t need that shit.

Stable, available men who are into a woman don’t do this.

King_Pariah's avatar

What @quiddidyquestions said. Also, that guy is a douche

XOIIO's avatar

I’d placing my bets on wife.

Response moderated (Unhelpful)
MollyMcGuire's avatar

This guy obviously doesn’t treat people well. Perhaps you made him think it was OK to treat you like this. I hope you will be make an effort to not let anyone think it’s OK to take advantage of you. Have self respect.

auhsojsa's avatar

I agree with @MollyMcGuire you deserve better than this abandonment. Some men aren’t good with feelings and stuff. Actions speak louder than words.

Here’s my perspective of what went down, and I’m sorry to be so blunt. He tested the waters with you and had some fun for a while. He got to thinking and felt it wasn’t right.

Also another logical answer could be, perhaps he died? Hopefully not but he should be dead in your mind now what he did to you was wrong. Not all men do this! It just takes a cold hearted self centered person to do that.

augustlan's avatar

Are you sure he’s not ill, injured or dead? If you know he’s still around, and really did just unceremoniously dump you like that, don’t even try to figure it out. Count yourself lucky and move on.

downtide's avatar

Guys do do this sometimes. It means they’ve dumped you (for whatever reason) but are too chicken to actually tell you. It also means he’s a jerk and you’ve had a lucky escape.

Response moderated (Off-Topic)
FutureMemory's avatar

This happens to men, too.

marinelife's avatar

He is just not that into you, and he is a rude coward. Consider yourself lucky to be out of his life.

You can hope that karma is a bitch and bites him on the ass.

Roby's avatar

Greener’s always about that.

jca's avatar

I would be very curious if I were you (just because I’m the curious type). I would probably do some research, just for myself, not to get back with him or anything (unless, by chance, he was in a car accident or something inexplicable). I would probably call his job and see if you could speak to him. If he is ok and he doesn’t like that you called his job, too bad, because he’s history anyway.

wundayatta's avatar

Something doesn’t sound right in this story. After two months you were living with him? What does “basically” living with him mean? Do you have your own place? Or were you living with other people? How come you were living together so quickly? Were you really living together? Who were you living with before?

Where did he drop you off? Why do you not seem upset that he didn’t pick you up with no notice? You sound very ho-hum about it. I’d be really upset.

How old are you? How old is he? What does he do? What do you do? Did you try calling him? Did you try stopping by to see him? I can’t imagine you would only text him after living with him for a week or so, and then it suddenly stops? Do you have a difficult time interpreting or understanding emotions? What is going on here? This does not sound complete.

Kardamom's avatar

I’m not sure how old you are, but you sound young. I’m guessing that what you meant by basically living together is that you were always over at his place, but you two never had any kind of real or serious conversations about your relationship, and you never made a real plan to move in with him, it just sort of ended up that you were always over there, right?

I’m guessing that this fellow was enjoying himself with you, but then kind of got freaked out or spooked because the relationship was moving too fast (since you guys never discussed your relationship it just sort of morphed). Unfortunately, some young guys (and probably some very immature men) do this type of thing. They just leave and you never hear from them again, and if you get the chance to ask them about it, later, they will tend to blame you for making assumptions or for being desperate or not seeing things as they really were, instead of just talking to you and telling you the real reason, which could have been one or several.

Most likely he enjoyed the sex with you for awhile, and now he’s moved on to someone else. Or he had another girlfriend at the same time (maybe in a different town) that didn’t know about you. Or an old girlfriend came back into his life and threatened him if he didn’t dump you immediately. Or some of his male friends told him that he was being an idiot for letting a girl move in with him.

But like Auggie said, are you sure he isn’t sick, injured or dead? Do you know for a fact that he is still around, somewhere? If you do know he’s fine and alive you have a couple of choices (neither of which involve getting back together with him).

You can simply walk away and don’t try to contact him. Or you can write him a VERY POLITE letter explaining that you were worried and embarrassed that he dropped off the face of the planet without so much as a simple explanation and you would like to know why he did this instead of just talking to you (but don’t expect that he will tell you, and do expect that he will say mean things to you like I suggested above).

The reason you should make sure your note (if you choose to write one) is kept super-polite is because he is going to quote you, either on Facebook or to his friends, or to other people that you know.

Either way, if you write him a note, or choose to walk away, you are likely to run into him again sometime down the line (usually in the most un-expected or awkward situation) and you should have a very calm “act” for what you will say or do when this happens. Don’t set yourself up to cause a scene.

I’m so sorry that this happened to you. It really sucks : (

Next time you start dating someone, go a little slower and do a lot more talking about what is happening while it’s happening. And don’t let this particular situation get you down on dating or guys in general, just move forward in a positive manner. : )

Zaku's avatar

It’s very weird, but certainly people of whatever gender can be flaky and pretty much all have some secrets and hidden issues. I would be curious to find out what happened in this case. Do you know anyone that knows him whom you could ask about it? (If you don’t, you might want to add getting to know lovers’ friends as part of your habits of getting involved with someone.)

With zero information, it could be anything, ranging from the “he has a secret wife” to “he has a crazy ex who faked severe evidence that he should dump you” to who knows what.

jca's avatar

@kid123: Can you please fill in the details that @wundayatta asked for? They would be helpful in trying to advise you. Thanks.

6rant6's avatar

It’s possible that he did things to tell you he wanted changes in the way things were between you, but you couldn’t or didn’t want to hear. Perhaps he felt inadequate to explain how he felt without hurting you. Some of us will go a long way to avoid hurting people we care about in person.

Also, he might have decided he needed your spot for someone he liked better. I mean, he could just be a douche. Probably more likely, actually.

Response moderated (Off-Topic)
kid123's avatar

Basically living means I was spendidng every night at his house. He’s 21 years old. I’m 19. And I know this sounds crazy but he seemed like the sweetest guy ever. I had just moved to a new city and met him. He introduced me to his freinds and everything, then one day he didn’t talk to me at all. And none of his freinds will talk to me either. I know he is not dead or hurt, becasue I got someone else to text him and he replied. I should just move on.

kid123's avatar

I may have scared him away. The last weekend we hung out my aunt I was living with left me in the city and I had no where to go. I talked about it with him and he just listned. But after dropping me off never talked to me agaiin. I wasn’t trying to move in with him, did I scare him away?

jca's avatar

You don’t want to go to his house and ask him in person what’s up?

Kardamom's avatar

@kid123 I think you probably overwhelmed him. You kind of moved in with him without actually asking him if it was OK. I think you didn’t intend to really move in with him, but the incident with your aunt probably spooked him into thinking that you literally had no where else to go, and so he assumed rightly or wrongly that you just decided to move in without having a serious discussion about it.

Unfortunately, it sounds like he didn’t handle it well, and because he’s a young dude, this was the easy way out for him. I’m so sorry it went this way.

Again, you could attempt to write him a polite letter, but I suspect that he won’t get back to you with an answer.

Again, next time, go much slower, pay attention to what’s happening, talk a lot, be open and honest, ask direct questions, and never assume anything.

Answer this question




to answer.

This question is in the General Section. Responses must be helpful and on-topic.

Your answer will be saved while you login or join.

Have a question? Ask Fluther!

What do you know more about?
Knowledge Networking @ Fluther