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Mama_Cakes's avatar

One thing that your partner does to calm you down (when needed)

Asked by Mama_Cakes (9848points) February 21st, 2012

When we’re in bed, and I start to go off about something that is bothering me (not about her), she’ll lightly stroke me back, up and down my arms and along my curves, and I shut-up immediately.

Her touch relaxes me.

I have had some wonderful sleeps the last few nights.

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30 Answers

digitalimpression's avatar


I don’t now. She’s not a very calming person. Everything is .. let’s say.. “spicy” about her.

digitalimpression's avatar

It’s really bugging me that I can’t edit my answer and fix that whole “now” “know” debacle. Like nails on a chalkboard. AAGGGHHHH!

@Mama_Cakes If I lay down anywhere I can be asleep within 5 minutes. Its a product of my environment. If she had to relax me for some reason, she would only have to give me a 10 minute back rub. (or a blowjob)

YoBob's avatar

Careful or this might turn into another one of those NSFW threads… ;)

AshLeigh's avatar

I don’t know yet. I haven’t been very upset around my boyfriend yet…
When he was upset once I wasn’t sure what to do. :/ So I just kinda sad there, and rubbed his back, until he stood up.

gailcalled's avatar

He lies on my breast bone and abdomen and tickles my chin with his whiskers, but not long enough for me to get whisker burn.

cookieman's avatar

My wife is generally not a calming person. I’m usually the one talking her off of a ledge.

When I rant about something it just sets her off, which is the opposite of helpful.

I’ve pointed this out to her, and she certainly tries, but it’s not in her nature to be the rock (as it were).

Mid-rant I’ll sometimes say, “this is the part where you’re supposed to say something encouraging or calming”.

deni's avatar

Pet my hair. :) It’s one of my favorite things.

King_Pariah's avatar

Sometimes just hearing a gentle, “I love you” is… well I should say was enough to soothe me, to calm me down.

cazzie's avatar

He ignores me, doesn’t listen and changes the subject or I get belittled and insulted and I am basically just told to shut up and calm down, so I just go off to my room. I have learned that if it is comfort and sympathy I’m after, he is not the person to go to.

gailcalled's avatar

^^Why is he still your so-called partner

wilma's avatar

My husband doesn’t try to calm me down, he just gets angry if I’m upset, so I try not to let it show.

wundayatta's avatar

Massage is nice. A hug. A sympathetic word. The usual.

SpatzieLover's avatar

In the right mode, my husband will either just let me vent which I really need sometimes or will remind me to take it one thing at a time. He’s also good at reminding me that things always turn out fine in the end.

It pays to marry your opposite sometimes ;) He’s extremely logical, whereas I’m tapped into the emotional side of things.

I’m trying to teach myself how to ask for what I need, especially if it’s a moment to ponder what I really want to accomplish.

Life works much better when you give yourself what you need. Or at least it does for me.

linguaphile's avatar

Right now, I’m happy not to have a partner. Very. Happy. That’s what calms me down!! When my ex walks in, all my stress receptors go haywire and not in a good way at all.

However, if I had a partner, I’d like someone who listens to me talk and bounces ideas back and forth. Or just held me while we watched TV.

gailcalled's avatar

@wilma; Repeating myself, why is he still your so-called partner?

Why stay in such destructive and emotionally undermining relationships?

wilma's avatar

@gailcalled we all have to weigh the pros and cons in relationships.
I guess the pros outweigh the cons.

gailcalled's avatar

(Sorry to hear that. The “I guess” sounds very forlorn to me.)

PS. When my then-husband of over 20 years left the marriage 16 years ago, I was humiliated, ashamed, panicked, very unhappy and a sodden mess.

Now I am relieved to no longer have him hanging around. I am very content with my life; I have learned how to take care of the car, do my taxes, manage my investments, keep the house from falling down, have the friends and social life that please me and wake up each morning feeling cock-a-hoop.

SpatzieLover's avatar

Sometimes @gailcalled, relationships like this teach you about things you need to change about yourself. In my case, it’s about altering my perspective. My husband speaks with literal language. I, the figurative one, take it personally. I am teaching myself objectivity.

In my relationship, my husband is well-intentioned. I can’t speak for the others on here

WillWorkForChocolate's avatar

He lets me rage for a minute, then offers his tactful opinion, then he scratches my back and asks me, “Do you want me to kill them for you?” His touch calms me and his words make me giggle, so I drop a lot of tension that way.

Sweetie26's avatar

I don’t know I guess he just lets me vents and without commenting and that helps.

cazzie's avatar

@gailcalled not really your call to make, now is it?

I am the supporter in my family. I am the one who comforts and finds the words and energy to keep everyone going. In my family, with the people I Iove, there is only me who is the giver of support.

NOW… SOMEHOW, after 10 years, I find enough reasons for sticking around and it isn’t because someone hugs me when I hurt, or pats me on the head when I need affirmation. I stick around because I manage to glean enough self esteem from what I am offered and shown. It has NOTHING to do with someone being at the whim of some tizz or rant I am in. If anything, by his distain and disinterest, he shows me how little my problem is or how insignificant it is in the scheme of things.

Don’t deride the discussion by asking ‘well, gee whizz, why ever do you stick around with someone who doesn’t entertain your every whim and whimper.’ Perhaps, you should ask yourself, why doesn’t your partner see your weaknesses and expect more from you.

AshLeigh's avatar

She means well, @cazzie@gailcalled is probably the sweetest person ever.

cazzie's avatar

I guess I don’t like people pretending they could ever walk a mile (or even a kilometer) in my shoes.

cookieman's avatar

@cazzie: Are they heels? ‘Cuz if they’re heels, I definitely couldn’t walk a kilometer in them.

dabbler's avatar

Rather like @cprevite‘s “I’m usually the one talking her off of a ledge.”
Calm me down? ...She just doesn’t know how to do that sort of thing, If I’m upset it’ll get her even more upset, so I’ve had to develop more restraint and equilibrium myself which in the long run is a good thing. There are definitely times I could have used that sort of assistance, but them’s the breaks, and she’s very good at other things. Not all partners have every quality you might like to find in them. Not fair to expect that either.

The_Invisible_Man's avatar

Just being with her physically makes everything better for me. Considering the fact that I rarely get to see her now, it gives me so much happiness and a peace of mind knowing that she’s with me.

Graywolf367's avatar

She sits next to me and wraps her arms around me and lays her head on my shoulder.

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