Social Question

tranquilsea's avatar

When you have friends or family visit you for an extended period of time do you pay for all the outings or entertainment when they go with you?

Asked by tranquilsea (17756points) February 22nd, 2012

We do sometimes for some things. But money is tight right now and my sister and BIL are visiting for 5 days. They have had the tendency in the past to assume we will pay for everything and I’m wondering whether this is what everyone does?

I know when we are visiting we kick in for meals when ever we can and we pay for ourselves for all the outings we go on.

What are your experiences?

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22 Answers

janbb's avatar

Recently had a friend spend several days at my place. I had prepared food and hosted her; when we went out, we split the check and she picked up the tab completely for one meal. That is about what I would expect were I visiting someone else.

deni's avatar

Other way around, if anything.

Pandora's avatar

It really depends on several things.
Did I invite them.
Did I invite them knowing they don’t have much money.
Did they just invite themselves.
Do they have money and are generally cheap.
Do I pay my way when I go visit them, even when they invite me.
Also how close are they to me.
I get annoyed when I invite one person and they feel it right to invite a whole group and then expect me to pick up the tab or split the cost of the people they bought. Especially if they want to go out to eat instead of having me cook, which is cheaper.

Pandora's avatar

Since it is your sister, I would tell her that you really look forward to seeing her but that you have to be frank about your financial status and you are a bit tight for money so you will not be able to go traveling about as much as you like because you are on a budget. Tell her it isn’t so tight that you couldn’t afford to maybe go out once or twice but that you won’t be able to help her with any additional costs. She will either tell you that she shouldn’t come or that its ok, because she simply is looking forward to spending time with you, or that its no problem and she will be ok with paying your way since you are saving her on room and board and meal cost at home.

Coloma's avatar

Hell no! Haha I love to entertain and have friends over and provide a good time but, in terms of visiting people that are staying for days or weeks, other than providing the accomodations and breakfasts, coffee, extra goodies, maybe a home made dinner, any recreational activities and eating out is paid for by the visitors. It is only good manners, family or otherwise.

filmfann's avatar

When family comes in from across the country, I want to pick up the costs of entertainment here. Sometimes they visit when I am less than flush, but my wife understands that we do what we need to, and try to catch up later.

marinelife's avatar

I do not think that the host should pay for everything on an extended visit. You are hosting them therefore saving them for hotels.

Especially if this is family, I would be up front with them before they come. Look, we would love to have you guys, but things are tight right now so you will need to pay for your own entertainment and chip in for some of the food.

creative1's avatar

When I stay with someone I pay for things when we go out since it would cost alot more to stay at a hotel then with a friend. So I would have to say it would be the other way around from what you are doing with your visitors.

cookieman's avatar

Yes if it’s my niece visiting from New York. She barely has two nickels to rub together and is really good to my daughter. I’ve even paid her bus fare to get here.

No if it’s my brother in law from California. He’s a grown man with his own business.

jca's avatar

I think the guests should take you out to a restaurant at least once, as a thank you and to relieve whoever is cooking. If you guys go out often while they’re here, then I wouldn’t think they are expected to pay the tab for every outing.

If there’s a big disparity between the two family’s incomes, then it would be nice if they paid all the time, but I would not expect it.

I would not expect guests to chip in for food eaten at home, that seems a bit awkward.

Haleth's avatar

The guests should split the tab with you when you go out, at least. It would be better if they took you out to dinner at least once or brought you a housewarming gift, like a nice bottle of wine. Hosting someone is kind of a pain in the ass, so it’s nice to do a gesture of thanks. Staying over and having you guys pay for all their entertainment is too much.

Bellatrix's avatar

I have had people visit who assumed we should pay for everything and honestly, I found it downright rude. Happy to put them up, provide food and grog when we eat at home and to pay for some things when we go out, but not everything.

I think you need to be straight with your sister. If you don’t, and you are anything like me, you will end up feeling quite resentful and stressed. You want to enjoy their visit so tell her things are a bit tight and that they will need to pay for entrance fees, their own meals when out and about etc.

downtide's avatar

Depends who is visiting. If it’s my in-laws, they insist on paying for everything. My own parents never visit because they can’t even afford the cost of getting here but when I visit them, I pay.

It’s definitely rude to expect someone else to pay for everything. Just tell them you physically can’t do it any more. Or that you’ll need a loan from them and you’ll pay it back “whenever”.

tranquilsea's avatar

Thanks everyone. This social dance we all live is interesting isn’t it?

I’ve seen them do that thing where they make no move to take the bill at a restaurant nor even offer to pay their share. I’m pretty sure Seinfeld did an episode about this phenomenon. I know how to get around that: ask for two separate bills. I’m hoping they’ll just step up as I really like my BIL and I love my sister and this has been feeling pretty contentious for a while.

Coloma's avatar

@tranquilsea Even the most basic dinners for 3–4 people can cost you easily $60 or more. Jeez, I hostessed a small Xmas dinner party this year and after the groceries, desserts, wine, champagne, I was in almost $200. Feeding guests a nice dinner every night for a week will cost you $500 these days.

jca's avatar

If you would like to, please post an update as to how you work out the money situation for their visit.

Thanks.

JCA
The Update Lady

tranquilsea's avatar

They just left and we’re great guests. She handed me a cheque this morning to cover their food costs. I wasn’t expecting that nor did I want to take the cheque. It’s sitting here beside me and I think I’m going to tear it up.

I hope they come back soon for visit.

SpatzieLover's avatar

Glad to hear it went well @tranquilsea. Thanks for the update!

tranquilsea's avatar

I should have read what I wrote (it’s been a really busy day). That should read “they just left and were great guests”. lol

Now I’m bracing for my brother to show up as he is in the process of moving here with his family. ETA 2 hours.

SpatzieLover's avatar

Note to self: Buy @tranquilsea a revolving door for her b-day ;)

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