Social Question

Ponderer983's avatar

Have you ever felt someone was with you because of one thing only?

Asked by Ponderer983 (6406points) February 24th, 2012

This may be hard to describe properly, so bare with me. Say you have a quality (the ones I think of are physical) that someone is overly attracted to, possibly bordering on fetishism. This is a large reason why that person is with you. If you desire to change that physical quality, would you worry about that person no longer being attracted to you?

Purely an Example: As a woman, you are big breasted. You are with a man who LOVES big breasts and REALLY prefers to be with a woman like that. He searches these kinds of woman out to be with and is willing to forgo other physical features as long as the woman has large breasts. So you two are together for a while, and you decide to get a breast reduction for whatever reason, eliminating the one thing he really desires in a woman. Are you afraid he will leave, lose interest, etc.?

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12 Answers

Sunny2's avatar

I know I was fine with one guy until he as much as told me my breasts weren’t large enough. That was enough for me to stop seeing him. I yam what I yam.

The_Invisible_Man's avatar

If a relationship is in play only because of outer appearance, then there’s a problem right there. But there is a chance that the person could leave you if you don’t have that certain asset that you once had. Now, if that person has really come to like you as a person that’s great because a relationship is suppose to be more about learning and loving the person you’re with.

MollyMcGuire's avatar

No i haven’t. I can’t imagine being with someone with no substance. I think a lot of myself.

Pandora's avatar

I actually believe it really can apply to anything. For example, I know my husband loves my mind and my personality and quirks. So if I had an accident and suddenly acted like a different person than the person he has known, than yes. I would assume he would probably leave me.
As for body wise, I’m pretty sure he would not mind if I changed anything. Especially if it were for my health. I’m a bit big on top but if I had cancer or something, I know he would rather have me alive than all in one piece till I died. If I just reduced the size because of some fad reason, he would think I’m out of my mind and propably try to convince me not to take such drastic measures for fashion. But again he would just get use to it.
There are people out there that are that shallow, but its best to let them go because somewhere down the road there will be a reason they will find to move on.

Buttonstc's avatar

If someone has a fetish, there is nothing that can change it. Same thing with obsession. The official label really is beside the point.

If you no longer possess the physical characteristic which is the focus of the obsession, yes, he will leave you.

Don’t look at this with rose colored glasses hoping for a better outcome. Exit gracefully now and continue looking for a man who is attracted to the total package which is you. Physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, flaws, quirks and all. Then if anything changes (which eventually happens to all of us over time) there are plenty of other attributes still to love.

A solid relationship cannot be built upon one physical characteristic only. Sooner or later a more ideal version of that physical quality (in his mind) will come along, even if you don’t change, and you are cast aside.

Get out now. Staying longer will just make the hurt that much stronger when the end finally does come. You deserve much better. Set yourself free to find it. This is not a healthy situation for you. Find a better one. Even being alone for a while is preferable than the illusion you’re living in now. Be good to yourself because sooner or later he wont be. Face up to the reality that you’ve already sensed with your instinct which prompted this question. Respect yourself enough to walk away now rather than marking time waiting to be discarded.

Coloma's avatar

No. Nor would I consdier that to be anything close to a realtionship.
If someones interest and “love” is based purely on infatuation with body parts, well, you’re on the proverbial path to a match made in hell.

majorrich's avatar

Yes… I was a sex toy….

majorrich's avatar

And I can open jars.

lonelydragon's avatar

Yes, one guy had this obsession with keeping me at a certain weight that he considered “thin enough”. When we went out to dinner, he’d eat half my entree, in addition to his own, to make sure I didn’t gain any weight (I was on the low end of the acceptable weight range for my height). I was younger then and not inclined to stand up for myself, so I let it go on for far longer than I should have. I worried that if I gained even a pound, he’d no longer be attracted to me. He was always making disparaging comments about overweight women in the movies and I didn’t want to become a target for his mean-spirited remarks. Eventually, I finally realized that I did need to lose about 180 pounds…in the form of a chauvinistic boyfriend.

Ponderer983's avatar

@Buttonstc I didn’t mean to alarm you, and I appreciate the advice, but I am NOT currently in this situation. I asked because I am changing a few things because of health reasons and was wondering that IF I was still with the men that preferred the things I am changing, if they would still be with me.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

Not really. But, in a way, I have been in short relationships with people who are only attracted to a perception of me as something ‘fiery and crazy’ but who aren’t interested in actually caring about me.

Buttonstc's avatar


Thats a relief to hear :)

If you’re considering making changes to benefit your health, of course you should do it (regardless of who else approves of it or not) its your life and body. Others are not entitled to a vote.

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