Social Question

deni's avatar

Singles: do you enjoy the single life?

Asked by deni (22855points) February 26th, 2012

Question about says it all. Do you like being single? Does it get lonely? Do you have a snuggle (or fuck) buddy to help you with that? Are you always “on the prowl” for a relationship? Do you prefer to be in a relationship, or single?

I really haven’t been single in about 5 years until a few months ago. There are aspects of it that I enjoy, like the obvious ones, but something I’ve come to learn about myself is that, for the most part, I just like to be in a stable comfortable relationship. Meaningless sex doesn’t do much for me. It’s fun at the time, but I need the snuggles and the hairpetting too. What about you? Do you dig it?

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53 Answers

creative1's avatar

No I don’t enjoy the single life and would prefer to be alone than to have meaningless sex

janbb's avatar

It’s all new to me after many, many years. Some parts of it I’m really digging like turning out the light when I am ready to go to bed but some parts get really lonely. I am making new friends and doing very pleasant things but I really miss the sharing we had. I’ll weigh in again in a year or so and let you know how I feel then.

(And gosh @deni, I can remember when you moved across the country for this relationship. Is it really five years!)

deni's avatar

@janbb Well that was only 2 years ago, but before that I had had a several year relationship too and there wasn’t much normal time in between the two. But, ah, you remember. :) Yes, I miss that spark. And like you, the sharing. Ohh the sharing. Ah. :(

chyna's avatar

I like certain aspects of being single, but miss a lot of the aspects of a partner. The sharing, the having someone to do things with, knowing someone that knows the same things I do, and shares the same things I do…I miss.

linguaphile's avatar

I’m recently single, too, but have my kids still around so that does make a bit of difference.

What I like—buying food for my diet choices, going to bed in peace and quiet, hot water in the mornings for my shower, being able to read/take baths/Fluther/talk to my mom/etc without interruptions, not having to explain myself, meditative drives to work, coming home with a happy sigh, having my bedroom at the temperature I like, not having to text anyone to let them know what time I’ll be home, bedsheets and linens in my favorite designs, painting the walls the color I like, not having to defend any of the purchases I make from type of salad dressing to clothing—- I could go on.

What I miss (but didn’t have towards the end anyway)—long conversations, hair stroking, someone to bounce ideas off of, someone to discuss pros and cons with, a warm cuddle while watching movies, foot rubs, sharing moments on vacation, sharing laughs, splitting the cost, being admired, fun sex, having someone to go out with, divided labor/chores, overall friendship. The worst part is being with someone without all these things happening.

I haven’t started dating or going out at all… I really am not ready to and think that I’m still just too vulnerable so until I know I’m not, I’m staying busy with my kids.

bob_'s avatar

Not particularly, no.

XOIIO's avatar

It’s not by choice, I don’t think I’ll find anyone that I will actually have a relationship with, or that has simmilar interestes as I do, so I’ve just seen that I have to accept that. Sure something it sucks, and all those crap feelings pop up but I iradicate them and go about my normal, boring life.

Coloma's avatar

Yes, I love being single, living alone and having my space and peace and privacy.
I was married for 22 years, 26 total in the relationship, divorced for 9 now, with several explorations with others.
One lasted 2 years, another less than a year, and I got very clear a few years ago that I am content and really not interested these days. I like my own company, love my house, and after all those years of marriage I am not willing to give up even one tiny bit of my space and freedom.

I’ve never been happier in all truthfulness!

whitecarnations's avatar

@XOIIO Don’t worry the older you get, the cooler it is to be a techy. Seen your YouTube stuff, you’ll have no trouble getting a job in your area of expertise when you get older. And women will be easier to meet when you go out eventually.

XOIIO's avatar

@whitecarnations Oh yeah, best pickup line is “Hey baby, want to check out the size of my hard drive?” XD

whitecarnations's avatar

@XOIIO Haha, well now you sound just like a meat head and I can understand why you’re single :P

TexasDude's avatar

I love it.

The longer I’ve been single, the more I’ve started to realize how much I hate dating and how much I especially hate being a boyfriend, and I’m really starting to realize how much I absolutely loathe most girls my age. They drive me insane with their endless chattering and clinginess and whining. Sure, I get lonely every now and then, but then I say “fuck it” and continue to be awesome.

Coloma's avatar

@Fiddle_Playing_Creole_Bastard I’ll find you in the next life. lol

deni's avatar

@Fiddle_Playing_Creole_Bastard Alright Ron Swanson! Yes. Folks our age can be pretty awful. Girls. Ugh. You really gotta fish around to even find one worth being friends with. At least where I live….but it’s a college town so what do I expect right. That sucks and I wish it wasn’t that way. But hey thats just cause we aren’t your normal college-y types and are, instead, awesome. High five.

linguaphile's avatar

@Fiddle_Playing_Creole_Bastard Once you hit 30…. many girls will be exactly the same as they are now, except their chattering will be about babies, not other people. Then you hit 40, they’ll chatter about curtain patterns, Pampered Chef, their kids and dance recitals.

Fortunately, some of them grow up and actually become interesting!!

TexasDude's avatar

@Coloma please do. I need a woman, not a girl.

@deni I know a few girls (including some Flutherites I’m very close with) who I can tolerate or enjoy being around/communicating with for extended periods of time, but most of the girls I’m surrounded by drive me absolutely nuts. They can’t do anything for themselves and they fucking whimper and moan about everything. I hate neediness. Absolutely hate it. You’re cool, though.

@linguaphile that’s why I’m pretty much opposed to marriage, too. I do know some girls who are already interesting and very “grown up” but unfortunately, they aren’t the ones who want to date me usually.

linguaphile's avatar

@Fiddle_Playing_Creole_Bastard You are a catch, believe me… See, @Coloma agrees with me!

TexasDude's avatar

@linguaphile thank you. I don’t lack confidence or anything like that. I just can’t stand passive-aggression and dependency and all those things that come with relationships with immature people.

linguaphile's avatar

@Fiddle_Playing_Creole_Bastard nodding I understand that.

I’ve found that people who have had huge challenges in life and overcame them, generally, tend to be more interesting to be around, as long as they don’t carry their trainload of issues with them. Do you find the same to be true?

TexasDude's avatar

@linguaphile I do. Especially with emphasis on not carrying around their baggage on their sleeve. I know some people who have faced huge challenges who I am intrigued with, and I know people who faced similar issues who I can’t stand. The difference is in how they dealt with it and the grace they carry themselves with.

Haleth's avatar

@Fiddle_Playing_Creole_Bastard It’s awesome that you’re keeping your chin up, but I think it’s sad that you’re dismissing most girls your age like that. Most of the girls I know feel the same way about guys our age. I think the dating scene can bring out the worst, superficial side in all of us.

As for the question, I kind of miss the single life. I’ve been in one relationship or another for the last 5 years or so… it just seems to kind of effortlessly happen. When you’re single, you don’t have to make compromises with another person; you can just do whatever the fuck you want. That feeling of independence is really liberating.

OTOH, relationships can help you grow as a person. I’m extremely lazy and the current BF is very motivated, and he’s introduced me to life experiences I wouldn’t have had if it weren’t for him, and vice versa. To me, a great weekend might be sitting around on the couch reading a book and eating cheetos. He’s probably never heard of the book, but he loves traveling and fun sports like biking or whitewater rafting. So I put him in touch with his inner life and then we go on adventures together.

XOIIO's avatar

Gasp! I’mnot the center of attention? How could these be? I NEED YOUR PIIIIITTTYYYYYYY

*dies in anime style explosion *

TexasDude's avatar

@Haleth I’m only dismissing girls I know. I’ve dated a lot. I’ve found that I tend to find people really interesting and exciting at first, and then I very quickly get tired of them when they start wanting to spend 24 hours of the day with me, or they turn out to be really dull after all. Then I wind up going back to the 2 or 3 girls I’ve known for a long time who I have long-term, deep emotional and intellectual connections with who I can’t actually be with for one reason or another to satisfy my emotional need for a connection with someone of the opposite sex. And then I’ll date around a little bit more and deal with more disappointment just to rinse and repeat. Now that I’m finally comfortable with being single, I’ve been so much happier, but I’m really apprehensive about re-entering the dating world anytime soon because of my past experiences. I know this all probably makes me sound like a huge asshole, but it’s how I feel.

Also, I should mention that I live in East Tennessee. It’s hard to find interesting people in general around here.

deni's avatar

@Fiddle_Playing_Creole_Bastard So fuckin pretty though! Totally worth it I bet.

TexasDude's avatar

@deni oh the mountains and primordial forests definitely make up for the horrifying lack of social diversity.

deni's avatar

@Fiddle_Playing_Creole_Bastard I know exactly what you mean it’s the same here. But the beauty OH its so alluring and wonderful always. More than makes up for it….usually

Haleth's avatar

@Fiddle_Playing_Creole_Bastard Then I guess your philosophy of “I’m single and I’m awesome” is the best way. I know a few people who are always on the prowl, dating around to try and find someone with that emotional connection. It just doesn’t work like that. I think an emotional and intellectual connection like that is rare, and you have to be ready for it. Some people try to date to fill an emptiness in themselves, which really isn’t productive. But if you’re independent and trying to be your personal best, life will probably send someone your way.

And someone wanting to be with you 24/7 is really draining. I’ve dated people like that. When someone is in that frame of mind, it’s really the worst time to try and get into a relationship.

augustlan's avatar

My husband and I were both perfectly happy with the idea of single-hood, right up until we fell in love with each other. In my experience, being happy single is a huge help toward being happy in the right relationship, too.

dappled_leaves's avatar

I kind of love it. Don’t tell my family, though. I’d hate for them to be wasting all that concern.

xnightflowerx's avatar

I freaking love being single and intend to stay single for a good long while. I’m really content being alone, I don’t really get seriously lonely anymore.

I like being able to do whatever I want, when I want, and not worry about hurting someone’s feelings because of it. I like being able to meet lots of new people and not have to feel like I need someone else’s approval to bring someone new into my life. I like being able to drop everything and just go travel around and spend time with friends everywhere. So just the general freedom and independence.

Part of being single I like is just being able to focus on improving myself and my life and strengthening my friendships and just becoming who I want to be. My last relationship really torn me down so much and I lost myself in process. So I was faced with this dilemma of trying to reconcile who I was was with who I am now and who I want to be going forward. I really enjoy this path of self discovery I’m on.

I don’t have any fuck-buddies now. I realized that those did nothing for me and I don’t need to complicate friendships and relationships with all that. If I got close to someone and things happened, that I’m okay with, but just using people and friends for their bodies is really shitty and I don’t like that I lost good friends because of making things sexual. I occasionally have some people I cuddle with sometimes, usually when I stay with friends and sleep in their beds. I like cuddling a lot and that is like the one thing about relationships I miss sometimes. But I don’t crave it or anything. Now that I don’t have it all the time I really cherish it when it happens.

Bent's avatar

I love being single. I’ve never lived with a partner, and I’ve been single so long I think it would stifle my independence too much. The lack of sex is a bit of a bummer though.

tedd's avatar

For most of the last few years I’ve been with someone, but I did have a long stretch in college where I was single (basically the first 3 years of college).

At several different points I was attempting to initiate a relationship, and at other times I was just enjoying “playing the field.” In the end I’m far happier in a relationship than I was single. On the one aspect it sucks giving up some freedom, or the ability to just hook up with whoever/whenever… but on the other hand it’s nice to continually have someone there, especially when it’s someone who’s become a really good friend.

Blackberry's avatar

Not going to sugar coat it: it’s pretty awesome. I do mess around with some women, but I have to agree with Fiddle that some young women make me wish I wasn’t on this planet anymore lol.

I knew a 24 year old that was so oblivious to anything going on in the world, she didn’t know the difference between a democrat and republican, didn’t know who the vice president was, didn’t know how large the universe is (she thought there was just a few “solar systems” out there), and generally had no passion about anything at all in life.

Another one I had no mental compatibility with at all, it was just physical. She also had a hard time thinking long enough to have an opinion on anything, but ask her about her hair and nails, and she’ll talk for hours.

Oh god, why…..

TexasDude's avatar

@Blackberry I know that feel bro. At least you can get physical with people without them wanting to marry you… maybe.

Blackberry's avatar

@Fiddle_Playing_Creole_Bastard Until they change their minds, yes. :(

phoebusg's avatar

I used to, until I had to join the army. Now I’m surrounded by mostly men – and given very little time to socialize—thereby enjoying being single.

Coloma's avatar

@Blackberry @Fiddle_Playing_Creole_Bastard LOL…you guys, too funny. Hey, I’m a women and I feel the same about a lot of women, younger and older, my daughter is 24 and her old room mate was the biggest bubble head ever, cute as hell but had the intellect of a Hamster. haha
She was great entertainment though, like the time she was dieting for a bikini contest and said she needed to go to the store and get some Albuquerque tuna! lololol Drove my daughter nuts.

TexasDude's avatar

@Coloma I wish there were more of you running around.

fremen_warrior's avatar

being single blows. it’s the equivalent of being the last living person on the planet – sure you’ve got freedom to do whatever you want, the world is yours, oh the crazy stuff you can do! Heh heh, heh… uh… guys…? ...anybody? sure is quiet all of a sudden…hello?

disclaimer: experience may vary from person to person

Blackberry's avatar

Lol!
I’m not laughing at you, @fremen_warrior. I feel your pain as well.

Paradox25's avatar

Yes and no. I’ll answer the yes part by saying that I just can’t seem to find any compatible women where I live. The majority of them seem only interested in facebook, the business going on in other people’s affairs, Twilight, romance novels and clubbing. In fact I was so incompatible with the majority of women I was with briefly that it was difficult to even have simple talk with them.

The no part I’ll answer by saying that it would be nice to be with a woman who had at least some interests that I have, or that I could at least relate to in some way emotionally. In my 30+ years alive so far I did learn one thing; do not let other peoples’ expectations of you determine your happiness and what would be best for you. I’m also convinced that I would rather be alone than be with the wrong person, but in the end I think that all of us would prefer have somebody in our lives.

nikipedia's avatar

I had times when I really enjoyed it. Especially right after I dated someone who was very emotionally needy—it was a huge relief to no longer have to apologize for everything I did, and to have my free time to myself.

And casual dating can be really fun. You date people who are totally wrong for you, and you get some good stories and have experiences you wouldn’t otherwise have.

I am surprised by the people who can’t find anyone remotely palatable. Even when I was dating guys who were never going to work out, I still liked them a lot.

Blackberry's avatar

@nikipedia Definitely. I never actually hated any of the women, but sometimes they were a bit to bear. Not that I’m the most dateable guy, though, I think.

Coloma's avatar

Well IMO the two, absolute worst qualities in others are extreme neediness and obsessive needs for reassurance and…drum roll..my personal favorite more men but some women too the extremely domineering constant debater types that self appoint themseves to schoolmaster status and feel the urge to control, dissect and debate every fucking word that you utter. They leave you completely flatlined and on the verge of alcoholism. lol

chyna's avatar

@Coloma has met my two last boyfriends apparently.

Coloma's avatar

@chyna I’m so sorry. lol

Mariah's avatar

I’ve sort of been single out of necessity my whole life apart from one one six month long stint in high school. My love life has been very much on the back burner while I dealt with more pressing issues… I’m not happy that this is the way things have had to be, but at the same time, I’m not dissatisfied with being single. I know that’s where I need to be right now. I just wish it didn’t have to be that way, wish I could be a little more normal.

Now that I’m back to college – and I go to a college where the male to female ratio is just over 2:1 – things are changing. A little bit, anyway. I absolutely can’t be in a physical relationship right now and that has made me feel hesitant to even try to get into any kind of romantic relationship because I just know what most guys my age expect out of it. But I did have a date last week. It’s not going to go anywhere – he’s going abroad next quarter, so it’s crummy timing, and anyway I’m not sure how much I like him. But the point is I’m treading in brand new water these days. I guess I like the uncomplicatedness of single life, but knowing someone really cared about me a lot would be really nice. But that person would have to be very understanding about a lot of various issues, and I have trouble believing that I’m going to find that among guys my age. Maybe someone will surprise me; I would like that.

MilkyWay's avatar

I do enjoy the single life immensley. Relationships fuck complicate things.

ddude1116's avatar

I enjoy it if for no reason other than I’ve become too accustomed to my own solitude. It doesn’t seem worth my effort to readjust myself for somebody I barely care for, anyways, for the only way I’d have a relationship at this point is by feigning interest.

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