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Gemma_rose's avatar

Best dating sites when looking for long-term relationship?

Asked by Gemma_rose (43points) February 27th, 2012

I am new to online dating. I’m interested in a long-term relationship, not casual dating or hookups. Based on your experiences, what are some of the best sites for those who are more serious? Why? Any pros and cons?

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27 Answers

Mariah's avatar

I don’t know much about the differences from one site to another, but I do know that my sister met her fiance on

creative1's avatar

I don’t know I haven’t had luck on any of them, I seem to attract all the men that want to just sleep with me so I don’t tend to date very much anymore. I have tried,, eharmony, and Ok Cupid.

Jeruba's avatar

Retro, I know, but I still think the best introduction is a shared interest, such as something you both volunteer for. Working with someone while building theatrical sets, folding newsletters, or chopping carrots is a great, low-stress way to get acquainted and learn what sort of person they are before social pressures distort behavior and perceptions.

Gemma_rose's avatar

@jeruba: I hear you, but practically everyone I meet is married or in a relationship. And the guys who ask me out, aren’t guys I’m interested in. It’s been very frustrating the last few months. I was hoping that going online would improve my odds. What has worked best for you?

wundayatta's avatar

I wouldn’t date online. I would go to various places online where you can interact with people and get to know them without dating. Places where you can have decent conversations and where people show who they are by what they talk about and what their opinions are and what they say and how they say it.

In this way, you will get to know people and you’ll be able to have an opportunity to get to know some people more deeply, if you want. I know there is a lot of this kind of romantic activity going on at a lot of different websites. I think you are more likely to meet the right people when people aren’t overtly looking to hook up with someone.

Jeruba's avatar

@Gemma_rose, I’d been married for quite a long time before the Internet came along, so I’m not the one to ask. I did meet my husband through our volunteer service to the same organization.

My sons have done well meeting people in school. at various interest-related and hobby-related events, and in the workplace (I’d be very cautious about dating a co-worker, though), but really nothing seems to have brought about better matches than being introduced by a friend.

Gemma_rose's avatar

@creative1: Sorry to hear:( Of those four sites though, which one gave you the most long-term dates? If those sites didn’t work, what are you now trying? I’m open to other ideas for finding someone longer term, although at this point I feel as if I need to at least try it.

WestRiverrat's avatar

Any forum that is not devoted to dating will probably get you better results.

SpatzieLover's avatar

eHarmony or match both supposedly are more selective with membership.

I know of two marriages through meeting via online dating sites.

nikipedia's avatar

My friends and I have had a lot of good luck with OkCupid.

sinscriven's avatar

I woulda thought that eHarmony would have been the best bet since they charge a lot of money, have a intensive interview process and their branding is defined on finding potential marriage partners. I tried match about 8 years ago, and it was meh, but this was also before the dating site boom so maybe it may or may not be better now.

PlentyofFish looks and feels kinda trashy, it’s not well designed and the community is kinda lowest common denominator looking from a female perspective. I’ve seen messages that my female friends have gotten from guys, one thinking that simply because he has a 13” dick makes him totally worth a date. (And his “proof” was a pic lifted off a porn site).

I’ve had my best success and met my current girlfriend on OkCupid. Their matching system isn’t perfect, but they have a large pool of users to draw from, and many of them are quite literate, the ones that aren’t high quality are easy to spot. There’s still a fair bit of people looking for action, but OkCupid’s system does account for those looking for casual sex only, and filters out (or in) those kind of people in your search results if you tell OKC that’s your goal. It’s very much free, and the only benefits to their paid model is that you get your face as a priority listing in results and you can post more, and dirty pictures (free users can only upload 5–6 pics and must be non-adult)

Whatever system you use, it does require patience. The common expectation on using one of these sites to try to widen your net is it will get you great results fast, and that is not the case at all. Sometimes some people luck out, others will spend some time. I spent nearly two years on OKC before I found my current s/o, and had to endure a lot of dead ends, bad dates, good dates that never called back, crazy women, and people who honestly had no clue what they were doing to get there. Try not to focus on the endgame, it will drive you insane and depress you cause you have no idea how long/short it will be before you find your place. Just enjoy your time (however short) with the people you do meet and it won’t feel wasted.

Paradox25's avatar

Well even as a very introverted guy I still prefer meeting women in an enviroment that makes conversing with one another easy such as the workplace, school, hobbies, mutual interests, etc. Online dating is difficult, especially for a guy since most initial contacts are still expected to be done by the guy, and as a guy you’re virtually competing with a whole horde of men desperate to get a date. If you decide to use online dating I would suggest eharmony for men and women, but especially for men since both sexes have to work equally as hard on there to meet somebody. I’ve only ever tried three dating sites and I had my best results with eharmony, though I never met what I was looking for at least I’d seen some potential on there.

JonnyCeltics's avatar

OKCUPID is the only one I’ve tried. If you are honest about what you’re looking for, the site has a way of magically putting people together. Call it an algorithm, or call it technological mysticism and talmud! I swear it. My last two, very meaningful and long-term GFs have been from OKC.

keobooks's avatar

I met my husband on OKCupid. I met TONS of people on, but they were all a bit creepy. I have no idea why OKCupid was better. I only met ONE guy, but I married him.

janbb's avatar

Do you pay for OKCupid?

sinscriven's avatar

@janbb : It’s fully free to use. They do have a premium account option that will allow you to put your face first before other people’s searches, have more pictures on your account, and allow you to post adult rated photos if you so choose to.

OKC matches people through a system of random survey type questions spanning a huge range of topics which are user generated in nature so some can get pretty interesting. As you answer those random questions, the system starts to gleam from your responses about your personality. Are you politically left or right, are you shy or introveted, are you romantic, are you artistic or scientific, are you aggressive or passive, are you vanilla or chocolate in bed, do you appeal to independence or authority, etc. And the match page will show you your relative scores to the scores of those people indiciating how much/less X they are than you.

At the top you will get three match ratings: One to show how much of a romantic match you are, one for friendship levels, and one from enemy levels. So at a glance you can tell if someone who is very much politically/morally opposite of you, you’ll find out in the enemy rating really quickly.

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janbb's avatar

Anyone know if OKCupid skews more to a younger age range?

JonnyCeltics's avatar

@janbb i think it does. how you checked out howaboutwe?

janbb's avatar

@JonnyCeltics Actually, there are a number in my age range on okCupid.

JonnyCeltics's avatar

@janbb perhaps you’re right, i remember when i was on it years ago it ‘felt’ like a younger demographic, or maybe its the colors of the site, but yes, i imagine people of all ages are on there. what do you think of online dating in general?

janbb's avatar

@JonnyCeltics So far just getting my feet wet and spending more time right now focusing on real life. For now it mainly seems like the guys I’ve messaged have not returned my interest and the guys who have messaged me have not appealed to me at all but there is one guy that I am doing a slow literary dance with. I am trying to not be over-addicted to the Internet right now so I am being very casual about it. But I think it might hold some promise in the future.

JonnyCeltics's avatar

@janbb best of luck :)

Ela's avatar

<wonders how that’s ^^ going

Mariah's avatar

@janbb, I don’t know if you’re still interested, but I saw a commercial for a dating site specifically for singles over 50 and I thought of you. It’s called

janbb's avatar

@Mariah Thank you very much. At the moment, I have tons going on with real friends and am not very invested in dating, but I will definitely keep that in mind.

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