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Mtl_zack's avatar

Should I tell her how I feel?

Asked by Mtl_zack (6751points) May 23rd, 2008 from iPhone

I’m friends with this really amazing girl, and I recently developed feelings for her. The thing is, she’s going back home (to Italy) for the summer and next year in 3 days and she has a boyfriend there. Shewill come back in 2 years, but its not definite. I don’t want to start anything with her because a) she’s going away and b) her boyfriend has jealosy issues and literary punches whichever guy even talks to her in the face. I feel that I need to tell her how I feel, but I don’t want her to be confused. What hurts even more is that she’s completely oblivious and always comments about how she can’t wait to be with her boyfriend and away from Canada.

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16 Answers

DeezerQueue's avatar

What would you accomplish by telling her how you feel?

jrpowell's avatar

It sounds like you have everything going against you. And she is going to be gone for two years. What is the point?

I would just keep in contact but not spill your guts (and if you do wait until she leaves). And you will probably find another girl in the two years.

playthebanjo's avatar

stalk her on social networking sites so she won’t forget you. (not really)

Mtl_zack's avatar

I don’t need a relationship, I just need to tell her how I feel. For some reason, I feel I’ll be complete if she knows. I also feel its necesary step for moving on. But I don’t want to confuse her.

playthebanjo's avatar

Sounds like it shouldn’t matter if it confuses her. And if it does, then she is not as fulfilled in her present relationship anyway and probably needs to rethink things.

Tell her then.

jimgleeson's avatar

I would say that it is obvious she is not into you otherwise she would have given you a clue if she was. Still, nothing ventured nothing gained. A woman always likes to know that she is liked. If you can say it for the mere fact of avoiding regret in the future go for it.

DeezerQueue's avatar

I think I would explore a little bit more as to what your true feelings for her are. You may feel as though you’ve developed something more for her in light of the fact that she’s leaving and you’ll miss her, which might well magnify the strong feelings of friendship you have for her. Love is a tricky thing and doing things that are good for you are even trickier where your heart is involved. You already mention that “what hurts even more” and that indicates to me that you’re already feeling the absence of her. I don’t think there’s any point in stringing your own heart along, do you?

In fact, I don’t think you’ll feel complete if you tell her, I think you may even feel worse by verbally articulating your feelings.

Some people seem to enjoy a little heartbreak every now and then, I just hope that you’re not one of them.

smart1979's avatar

I say just tell her! Let you know you understand it’s impossible, but tell her – it will make you feel better, and hey, she might be happy to know it :)

kevbo's avatar

I see two options.

One is to plant a kiss on her the very last time you see her. Not a tongue kiss, but a full pucker on the lips. Just control the moment, kiss her, look her in the eye, say “I’ll miss you” or something and send her on her way. You risk a lot, of course, but it could be received as a thrillingly secret and pleasantly surprising departing gift that she’ll remember for a good while.

Two is to keep your feelings to yourself and stay connected with her through correspondence. Two years is a long time for a young person to remain in a relationship, and odds are good that she’ll break up with her boyfriend. So stay in touch, and if you see signs of things falling apart on her end, gradually make your feelings known.

The thing is, Zack, that her mind is clearly not in Canada nor is it with starting a relationship with you. She’s closing up shop and happy about it. She’s probably just looking forward to being home. I think it will be difficult at best to try to introduce at the last minute a new reason to think about being in Canada.

smart1979's avatar

Kevbo pretty much nailed this one, but I think you should go with his first suggestion.

Whats the worst that could happen? At least you will be able to say you had some balls if she doesn’t take it well. Good luck!

nikipedia's avatar

The great thing about being your age is that it’s all practice right now (I don’t mean that condescendingly).

So would you rather have practice telling someone great how wonderful she is, or would you rather have practice hiding your feelings?

marinelife's avatar

As long as you are sure that all you need is to tell her, go for it.

Check inside, though, and make sure you are not secretly hoping that she will say something about having feelings for you. You have made a good case for why she is not likely to do that, and if you are secretly hoping for it, you could be hurt.

If she responds positively about even just having you for a friend, keep in touch with her. Things may change. Maybe you could plan to go to Italy next summer to see if there is a spark there.

marinelife's avatar

Are literary punches getting clobbered by a copy of Tolstoy? Or perhaps skewered with words: “Thou art a flesh-monger, a fool and a coward!” (Shakespeare Measure for Measure)

Adina1968's avatar

I think you should tell her how you feel. It is always best to be honest. My husband and I were friends for 10 years before we got together. Just be prepared that there is the chance that she does not share your feelings. If she does then you have to decide what you next move would be…Long distance relationships are difficult. Would you be willing to move to Italy? How long have you been friends?

Mtl_zack's avatar

just a little update: her plane leaves tommorrow at 6 am and i saw her for the last time today. i decided that i was going to keep my feelings bottled up, but then 10 minutes before we last saw each other i thought what the hell. the only thing is that i was in a crowded subway car and i didnt want our last minutes together to be shouting over the madness, so i kept in in. she isnt even gone and i miss her.

DeezerQueue's avatar

You probably will continue to as long as you keep her larger than life in your memories. Truly, though, it’s what life is pretty much about, you’ll be faced with situations and decisions like this through the course of it. If you think things through and be reasonable in your thought process in most cases you’ll be just fine.

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