Social Question

janbb's avatar

Do you wear your heart on your sleeve and is that a bad thing?

Asked by janbb (57023points) March 1st, 2012

Just thinking about some of my interactions with men and even my sons and my husband. I think I am maybe too open about how I feel and either intimidate them or make myself vulnerable. Working on covering my core a bit more and not always exposing the underbelly. What about you? Any thoughts or experiences in this line? Not looking for advice so much as sharing.

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17 Answers

picante's avatar

Oh yes. In fact, I have a big neon sign pointing to the heart on my sleeve. For me, there’ve been pros and cons. In the con column are the issues of vulnerability to being hurt, being a magnet to emotional preditors, etc. But even with these negatives, I don’t know how I would live my life differently or even if I’d like to change going forward. For me, it feels good to let my feelings sit on the surface.

marinelife's avatar

I am afraid that everyone knows how I feel about things. Unfortunately. I wish that I was more circumspect sometimes.

That being said, after having lived this way a long time, I think that I like being honest about my feelings.

Blackberry's avatar

Only on the internet. I keep to myself in reality. I don’t think it’s a bad thing.

Facade's avatar

It’s in my nature to be that way, but I’ve learned to curb it to guard my feelings. Most people I’ve met don’t give a shit about being genuine and open.

SpatzieLover's avatar

Yes I do. It’s one of the reasons I asked this Q about empathy quotient. I know mine was higher years ago. Some self-work has helped me to become more objective and less subjective. However, after doing further self analysis, I feel I need to do more work in this area of my life.

It can be a great thing to be open to feeling emotions. It can be a horrible thing if you’re feeling too much for your own good. I found I was wasting personal energy by emoting over things that I should not have taken on.

I’m trying to alter my perspective. Like I said, I’m working on objectivity.

Coloma's avatar

Nope, infact it can be dangerous to show too much openness and vulnerability too early in new relationships. Predatory types of men often have a fine radar for seeking our vulnerable woman. Disclosure by numbers, intimacy is built gradually. I suggest you be careful with prospective new men that often have a hero/rescuer complex that masks a controlling and narcissistic ego.

They can smell a wounded and vulnerable female from a mile away and just love to swoop in and play the savior, which usually equates to seducing you in your fragile state.
You are vulnerable for exploitation right now, be mindful.

Ponderer983's avatar

Only if I trust the people. Considering that group isn’t a large portion of who I know, then more often then not it’s all bottled up inside.

chyna's avatar

I am more open on the internet about my feelings. In real life, my friends don’t know how I feel about things. I keep it to myself.

cookieman's avatar

Depends on what you mean.

If you’re talking about opinions, then yes – I share those rather freely.

If you’re talking about feelings (as in, how am I feeling right now), then no – I keep those fairly masked and tucked away. The only exception is my wife, who I show about 75% to.

I’d show her the rest, but she’s a bit of a worrier and stresses easily.

wundayatta's avatar

If I love someone, I wear my heart on my sleeve. Otherwise I am cautious. I don’t hide my feelings, but I share them in such a way as to make sure they are reciprocated before taking any next steps.

In matters of love, I don’t feel like I have any choice but to experience my feelings. If I am rejected, so be it. I need love too much to let the fear of being hurt stop me from trying.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

pretty much always.

ZEPHYRA's avatar

Yes and how wrong it is! I wear it on my sleeve and just about all over me! What an idiot I am.

flutherother's avatar

When I feel something strongly I have to share it. When others share their feelings with me I feel privileged.

Bellatrix's avatar

Pretty much an open book. Is it a bad thing? I suppose it can be. There are times when I have to remind myself to be more circumspect at work… in general though, I would rather be me. I don’t want to play games. If that’s what I think or feel, I would rather be upfront and say, that’s how I feel. I do self-edit though. It isn’t always appropriate to say how I feel. If I am really upset, I would doubt anyone could miss it though. I don’t hide things well.

MollyMcGuire's avatar

No I don’t.

linguaphile's avatar

I do… for better and for worse, I do—the heart’s there in glowing neon but I’ve learned how to protect it.

@Coloma‘s right—men are either attracted to it to feed their hero complex, or turned off by it because it makes me seem needy or desperate when I’m not, and run away.

I can be very open with my feelings and opinions but also can be overly sensitive. I don’t hide things well and my facial expressions are very easy to read so to deal with that, I adopted a neutral expression to try to hide my true feelings, but it makes me seem unapproachable. I am WYSIWYG (except when I’m quietly lurking) and don’t want to spend time covering up who I am. I’ve learned that @Coloma‘s bits and pieces system does work better when meeting new people.

Neizvestnaya's avatar

For many years I did and in retrospect I believe it impacted me negatively. It seems most people don’t respect someone who is as they appear. It’s seen as easy, simple, common and not valuable and contemptible.

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