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JLeslie's avatar

Did you ever have to deal with you or your child being the bully?

Asked by JLeslie (60532points) March 2nd, 2012

We see plenty of questions on fluther about dealing with bullies and jellies who were bullied, but what about those of you who did the bullying, or had children who were the bullies?

Tell us briefly about the situation, and most of all if you have an idea where the behavior came from. Can you see how the child was mimicking behaviors they observed or endured at home? Do you blame the child’s other parent? Yourself? Did friends instigate the behavior? In retrospect what do you think happened?

Please no judgements made about anybody. This is purely out of interest, and the goal is to learn, not berate anyone.

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17 Answers

Dutchess_III's avatar

This should be interesting!
No, I was never the bully and my kids weren’t bullies. That’s not to say that my son didn’t lose his temper with a kid in his PE classonce and put him in a choke hold that coach had to pry the poor kid out of. Coach called my son “The Strangler” after that.

Bet Coloma was a bully!

Coloma's avatar

Once when my daughter was about 18 she had a tantrum when we were out together going to lunch and had a fit when I missed the turn for the restaurant she wanted to go to. She accused me of deliberately missing the turn and got extremely bitchy.
We had been going through a phase of her behaving/ talking to me disrespectfully and I had had it!
It was a sweltering July afternoon, around 100 degrees and I pulled over in a strip mall and told her ” GET OUT!” lol

“Call your dad, call a friend ( she had her cell phone on her ) and I left her bratty little butt in the parking lot!
I think she was shocked, but, her humiltiy returned a few days later. lol
Tough love baby cakes! ;-)

Dutchess_III's avatar

You go @Coloma! That’s one of the BIG reasons I moved from Wichita to a small town when my kids were 10 and 12…I knew there would come a time when I’d have to throw them out of the car and I wanted them to be within 5 miles of home at any given point. :) One time, a few years later, I threw my daughter AND her duck out of my car.

Aster's avatar

My older daughter prevented me from leaving the house when she was a teenager. She was very upset and possibly “on something.” Much stronger than me, she ran outside when I attempted to leave and grabbed my steering wheel while putting her foot on the brake pedal. She allowed me to go back inside and I pushed the bed up against my wall like a big coward.
Needless to say, we have a pretty pathetic relationship and she is worth avoiding.

JLeslie's avatar

Just to be clear, I originally was thinking they were bullying other children. I also am interested in what has been presented in answers so far about kids giving their own parents are hard time, and welcome more answers that are similar but it had not been in my mind when I wrote the Q,

john65pennington's avatar

There was this red-headed 10 year old boy that disrespected his mother and threatened other students at his school. His mother said he had been a bully, since he was about 8 years old and she could not handle him or the leaders at his school.

If you remember Scott Farkes from A Christmas Story, this boy was a copy.

I had suspected him to be a person of interest with several burglaries in his neighborhood. His mother had asked my advice on what to do with her son and the bullying at school and cussing her out all the time. All the students were afraid of him. I have to say that I am not a person that condones violence, BUT in certain, really special cases, I agree with parents on how handle their disorderly children. His mother said that she wished she could find some boy, about her songs age, to “beat the crap out of him”. This was not my suggestion, but I did agree with her. His mother did just this. She found someone that stopped her sons bullying. I did not ask what happened. I did not want to get involved in this situation.

After two weeks, I had enough evidence to arrest her juvenile son for two neighborhood burglaries.

I noticed he had a black eye and a cut lip.

Don’t ask me what happened to him….I did not know and did not want to know.

No problems with this child after this.

augustlan's avatar

I was very briefly a bit of a bully, in my last year of junior high (9th grade). A friend and I felt all ‘high and mighty’, being at the top of the food chain that year, and we staked out this little hallway that a lot of the 7th graders had to walk through to get where they were going. We’d stand there, leaning against the wall, and randomly trip new kids who were walking by. Just enough to make them stumble, and be afraid we’d do it to them again the next day. Oh, we thought we were hilarious. Until one kid went sprawling, fell all the way down, books flying every which way. We were horrified! We helped him up, and never did it again.

Dutchess_III's avatar

@augustlan you sheet! But you mended your ways and that’s good. :)

Bellatrix's avatar

Thankfully, no. I have never been a bully and my children haven’t behaved that way.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

When I was in middle school, I bullied another girl with my friends. I remember that once I spit in her face and felt contradictory emotions. I was made to apologize once someone told the teacher but I never meant it, you know? I switched schools after that year and never saw the girl again and I deeply regret doing that to her, obviously. My children were never bullies but when my 5 year old started kindergarten, he had (shall we say) some adjustment issues and he tripped some kids (for laughs) and we punished him and now he’s much better behaved.

Coloma's avatar

I have never been a bully, I am actually a great mediator, but….push me too hard and I’ll blast you, not in an abusive name calling way, but, you’ll get the message, clearly! lol

AshLeigh's avatar

I am a bit of a bully sometimes.
I’ll catch myself being mean to people, and apologize.

AshLeigh's avatar

@JLeslie, I don’t mean to be. I get angry easily. I’m working on it. Haha.

Dutchess_III's avatar

—Is it just me or am I seeing ‘e’s’ all over the place?

Nullo's avatar

I’m more inclined to be bossy than be the classic bully. Fortunately, it remains checked most of the time.

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