General Question

punkrockworld's avatar

Why am I so hard to get?

Asked by punkrockworld (960points) May 23rd, 2008

I’ll explain. Everytime I meet a guy, at first they’ll be like ‘she’s shy’ or she’s classy but after a while they want more and that’s where it ends for me. It’s like I can never give myself to someone. I used to be a lot fatter and now I’m normal I guess and the guy I like,tells me occasionally that I look pretty and people can see he likes me. I have a crush on him but just don’t know how to handle this situation.

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13 Answers

bulbatron9's avatar

Listen to some NoFx, and then tell dude what’s up! You can’t live your life in a shell of who you used to be! It’s better to regret something you did, than something you couldn’t muster the nerve to do!

sarbee's avatar

I’m like that too and I don’t know why…

marinelife's avatar

It’s really hard to change your body image even after you have lost weight without help. This is an issue where you might want to do some short-term counseling around relationships to get to what is going on that you close off at a certain point.

You’re worth it!

punkrockworld's avatar

Thanks, Marina.

wildflower's avatar

Take it from someone who’s useless at recognising flirting: practice receiving compliments! Smile and say thanks. If you like him, make it a lingering smile and maybe add that he doesn’t look too bad himself.

Having said that. If you have issues with self-image, you really should focus on yourself before you get involved with anyone or you might just be using him as a cure.

DeezerQueue's avatar

You’re entering uncharted territory, and it’s like that for many people. As others have already pointed out, it may have to do with your self image and your self esteem.

I don’t know the reasons that you were overweight, but you may want to take a look at that. If you were overeating to console yourself from pain inflicted by others, suffering from statements made to you that you were inadequate or had shortcomings, essentially too much criticism, then you also need to repair some of the damage that’s been caused because of that. If it happened during your childhood and your teen years, you may well be dealing with it for the rest of your life because it’s part of who you are. I am only speculating in this area, by the way, but frequently weight problems have a basis in self-medication.

If this is the case, then I would spend more time on you first, before entertaining a relationship. Losing weight is a good start, it shows that you’re motivated and want to live happily. Losing those bad feelings that you may have about yourself may be harder, but it’s worth it in the end. You’ll find that it’s ultimately much easier to give yourself to someone because it makes you less vulnerable to criticism.

ninjaxmarc's avatar

take a risk or be lonely.
Don’t knock it til you try it.

monsoon's avatar

my girlfriend used to be bigger, and she lost like 60 pounds, and it makes her really uncomfortable when people comment on it. Its hard for me to understand, but its as before she felt like she ‘by be with any one because of her weight, and now she’s afraid that no one cares about her except that she’s thinner.

On top of that she still thinks she needs to loose more weight. From my perspective, im ot ever lying when I tell her I think she’s beautiful and that I love her, and I wish that she could find a way to just believe what I say to her when I say these things.

Something to just keep in mind. Some things may not work out, but people deserve a chance. We’ve been together two years now and I love her with all my heart.

gorillapaws's avatar

You just need to tap into your inner skank…

If you’re having trouble with that, you could always go to Radford University pretty much every woman I’ve ever met that has gone there has discovered her inner skank, so there’s probably something in the water there (like excessive hormones).

pattyb's avatar

its your way of being in total control. You might not be concious of it,. But who you choose to be with is something that only you can decide. Being in control exudes self confidence, something you might of been lacking or yearned for when you were heavier,

softtop67's avatar

You sound young and uncertain you will learn and grow try not to rush it…it will come

flameboi's avatar

I realized I’ve been answering a lot of your question (i’ve been offline for a while and I’m catching up sorry) you know what, I’m face a similar situation, i’ve larnt to be patient, things come when weare ready to handle what comes with those things :)

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