Is it true that the one who cares less in the one who has the most control in a relationship?

Sort of… If you care more about the relationship working than your partner does, it may lead to a certain willingness to do or put up with anything to make it work. This hands a load of control over to the less-invested partner, who doesn’t mind so much whether it works out or not.

On the whole, this is about balance in a relationship – hopefully both partners are invested in it and both want to make it work. This will vary slightly at points, but overall both will be equally committed. These are the relationships that have a good chance of surviving!

When I’ve had cause to think about your above quote, it is when I’ve felt a certain desperation welling up inside myself that I might lose the other person at any point, and that leads me to feel very weak and powerless. (And ironically, is so palpable to the other person that it puts them off anyway, regardless of where they were in the first place!)

I think when we care a lot for someone we feel vulnerable. Whether we see this as a loss of power is a personal thing. I also think if we trust the other person we wouldn’t be so afraid of feeling vulnerable and could experience it in a positive way. So if loving someone is a loss of power to our own minds, it could be a lack of trust in the relationship.

The one who cares most is the one who has more interest in defending the relationship’s existence. Ergo, they’ll be more likely to comply with the partner’s demands, if they feel the relationship is in danger.

As an example, my girlfriend used to smoke, a lot, like a half package on a good day, whole package on a bad day, usually something in between. My father is also a smoker, and last year he almost died of pulmonitis because of it. We all warned him about smoking 10–15 cigarettes a day when underweight and pushing 60, but his only reply was that he liked it so he wasn’t going to stop.

Way before my father’s close encounter with death, i asked my girlfriend to stop smoking, because I found my father’s behaviour incredibly irresponsible and shortsighted for someone who decided to have a family of his own and therefore also has a modicum of responsibility towards somoene else, and i didn’t want a relationship with someone who would ultimately choose personal pleasure before committment to their partner/children/etcetera. In that incident i cared more about the issue than the relationship.

In this case you can have 2 outcomes:

the other person cares more about their side of the issue as well => breakup

or

the other person cares more about the relationship => attempt to comply

Note that i say “attempt”, my GF tried, back then, but it took her 3 tries and seeing my father in the hospital with a pulmunary drainage pump after being drained almost 3 litres of fluids and risking a heart attack to make it permanent.

So yeah, in the event that one of the two people in a relationship is unhappy with something, if they care less about the relationship than the issue (which isn’t to say they don’t care about the relationship, we’re talking relative terms here) they have the power to force the other person to decide what comes of the relationship through word or action depending on the case.

Is it true that the person who cares the most is the one that doesn’t have any power in a relationship? This is true to a good extent because when it comes to dating there is a pursuer and the pursued. I think if most relationships had a more mutual beginning there would be less head games.

Thinking that way is a race to the bottom.

We all shoot for finding someone that cares as much about us as we do about them. Both people have power in the relationship. Both people should have an equal say.

It almost sounds like you are questioning the male/female dynamic…aka the different ways they approach a relationship. I really don’t want to chase the wrong rabbit, so if this is true let me know.

I know there are all kinds of people in all kinds of relationships and that members from every concievable kind participate on this site. Are you concerned with a hetero relationship or a homosexual relationship…or are we speaking relationships in general?

It is probably true.
I am usually the one who cares more.

I agree with @LuckyGuy.

How about an equal partnership where neither has more control or cares more is a healthy relationship?

You have asked a good question.

These situations do exist and the results usually ends in a domestic assault.

People, with this type of personality, usually assault their partner at one time or another. I have seen this many times in my police position.

Another question should be…..should one person have more power in the relationship based on leadership, than their partner? I think so, but not involving physical attacks.

Lets face it, one partner, is generally a whimp and cowers down to the other. I have seen this also many times and wondered why? The only answer I could come up with is this person is a dependent person and will always be a follower and not a leader.

Yes, this would be true in an imbalanced relationship where one person holds some sort of power over. In which case it would not be a healthy union. If one persons interest is waning and does not return within a short period of time it would signify the end not to cling tighter.
Remember, the opposite of love is not hate, it is indifference.

The indifferent partner has the emotional advantage and the still attached partner is at a disadvantage by default.

The person who cares more won’t be powerless, but the person who cares less will definitely have the upper hand. They get to set the terms for the relationship, and the other person will comply in the interest of maintaining the relationship.

Not for me. I don’t play any games in a relationship. Either you love me and trust me or you don’t. No halfway crap or control games. I give it my all, I expect the same.

It is my belief that you don’t have a healthy relationship if one if controlling or feeling controlled.

A relationship should be based on mutual respect.

How to recognize a manipulative and controlling relationship

Of course it is.

I would say it could be true for the simple fact that the responsible party can accuse the other if things don’t go as planned knowing that the other won’t be insulted or take it personal while relieving themselves of the guilt. Not a healthy philosophy but some people have ego problems.