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prioritymail's avatar

Nerds, geeks, word nuts, and plant lovers: What's your best flower joke?

Asked by prioritymail (1630points) March 18th, 2012

I’m studying flower sex at the moment, and it’s got me thinking. Almost everyone—some more than others—has a few human sex- related jokes to tell. Somehow, that should make a flower sex joke even more funny. And so many of the flower part names have more than one meaning or are extremely similar to other words—style, stigma, pistil, filament, ovary, receptacle, whorl. Surely there is a geeky-hilarious, word play joke in there somewhere? Someone please enlighten me.

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12 Answers

Cruiser's avatar

A woman’s garden is growing beautifully but the darn tomatoes won’t ripen. There’s a limit to the number of uses for green tomatoes and she’s getting tired of it. So she goes to her neighbor and says, “Your tomatoes are ripe, mine are green. What can I do about it?’’ Her neighbor replies, “Well, it may sound absurd but here’s what to do. Tonight there’s no moon. After dark go out into your garden and take all your clothes off. Tomatoes can see in the dark and they’ll be embarrassed and blush. In the morning they’ll all be red, you’ll see.’’ Well, what the heck? She does it. The next day her neighbor asks how it worked. “So-so,’’ she answers, “The tomatoes are still green but the cucumbers are all four inches longer.’’

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

To get you, your father jerked off on a flowerpot. He got a blooming idiot.

Earthgirl's avatar

What do you get when you propagate a fiddlehead fern in New Orleans with an unmarried vegetable playing musician from China ?

A fiddle playing creole bastard

sorry, bad fluther joke soooo sorry, this is not like me, but then you asked for nerdy jokes

gailcalled's avatar

Never mind.

Earthgirl's avatar

yeah, gailcalled first the bad puns, now this….hangs head, skulks away embarrassed at self

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

@Earthgirl Loved that. It cracked me up big time. I’m sure he’ll like it too.

Coloma's avatar

I joke about the Oak and pine pollen being tree semen that rains down on my house every spring, and I also live across the road from the worlds largest poison oak tree.
Seriously, this is not a bush, it is not a few vines, it is a TREE!
An alien of it’s species, 20 feet tall and as big around, a monster of epic proportions. I literally block off that side of the road across from my house when I have multiple company or a party. People will park right under it and get out brushing themselves against the monster. Bad, baaaad, baaaaad!

Do not go where the P.O. grows!

6rant6's avatar

When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.

flutherother's avatar

What did the big flower say to the little flower?
What’s up bud?

KateTheGreat's avatar

I don’t have one, but I always laugh when a car is covered in pollen. I just look at my car and think “look at that dirty slut, she’s all covered in tree sperm and she doesn’t have the decency to clean it off of herself!”

whitenoise's avatar

Know what I prefer over “Roses on my Piano”?

the bar musician asked…

“Tulips on my organ”

flutherother's avatar

It reminds me of a wedding I was at where the bride wore a flower in her hair and my friend (who was a little drunk) stuck one in his hair. She thought it looked a bit silly so he replied “well if you can wear a hair on your flower then I can wear a flower in my hair” which wasn’t quite what he meant to say but it was rather funny.

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