Skeletor Liquidis
When the marrow slowly turns to a liquid state, eventually seeping into the bones. The virus uses the skeletal structure as nourishment and thus, expands itself, essentially turning the bones into liquid entirely. When there are no more bones to consume, the virus dies, and ironically turns into a hardened state. The matter has been found to be a very excellent source of preserving agent for hotdogs.
Symptoms
The stage one signs can be perceived through outrageous and frightening flexibility. This is eventually followed by loss of balance and strength, unstable physical deformation, (it always changes) until the afflicted basically becomes a pile of atrophied muscles, and they look like a crawling sack.
Cause
The virus is of unknown origin, and extremely rare. It probably comes from some jungle or something. It’s a curse. Damn Spain should have left the Mayas alone.
Treatment
The virus may be halted in its early stages through cryogenic treatment, allowing a bit of time after bone structure consumption has occurred before it’s too late. However, in this case, the afflicted is often left in a permanent abnormal shape. Loophole; you can’t have functional bones without marrow.
Historical Notes
Quasimodo’s hump was not, indeed, hollow. That’s where his liver ended up. And yes, France actually had cryogenic technology back then.
Eyeballis Outbreakus
A skin disorder where eyeballs start growing all over the body. The eyeballs are dark yellow like unhealthy urine, the iris is rust colored and the pupil is black. Cases have reported up to 50 eyes on an afflicted. These eyes have been found to be blind. You can’t hope to achieve epic upskirt peaks through subtly strategic movement. The disease is not deadly, but may cause severe skin problems if not treated. Immediate attention is suggested should an eyeball grow one one’s genitals, or one’s original eyeball. While they do not grow in orifices, some can be dangerously placed. (some can grow on your anus, too)
Symptoms
Well uh…eyeballs growing all over you? The first sign is noticing these eyes in your stool. Some people blow them out their nose, or throw up, and find the eyes inside the vomit. While this ’‘parasite’’ cannot live in the human body in its adult eye shape, this is indeed where it starts, until it can find its way to the outer body, where it then thrives.
Where the eyes grow, the skin becomes red and sensitive, causing rashes, itchiness and burning sensations. It is not recommended to pluck them off, as they may be attached to veins, nerves and vital organs.
Cause
The parasite comes from the Four Eyed Nimbus Cyclopus Nyarlatothepian Frootflyusis, which is a breed of fruit fly from some place in Ruggsville. These do not usually go near humans, as they are only interested in gasoline. But should they come in contact with humans, the touch itself can make the males blow their load all over the human, who then contracts the parasite. It ventures inside the afflicted where it can be safe from the elements.
Many times, it will die, leaving an eye or two in your poop. But should it be resistant and tough, it eventually comes to the surface.
Treatment
Intricate epidermal surgery is required to remove the eyes. While it is best to see a professional, some badass patriots down the hard shit, and take em off with pliers. This is risky, since the eye roots can be attached to important parts of the body. While it is treatable, the end result leaves behind plenty of scars.
Not a Fact
I dreamt an eye was growing on my arm a few nights ago.
