I just went over to my sisters house and stole a can of Pabst. Will this act send me to hell?

I just spoke to God and he considers beer to be part of the Master Recycling Project, so you’re off the hook.

if not this, i’m sure there’s a huge list of other penalties…

hmm… had you stolen a good beer, probably not.

PBR? Do not pass go, do not collect 200 dollars.

http://www.indielyrics.info/pbr.jpg

The evidence.

PBR is awesome.

Yes, it was his temptation. You failed.

So will I go to hell when I die? I have kissed a person of a similar gender too. Am I totally kicked out of heaven now?

You get plus points for the concern you showed about your sis’s dog’s urine. That’s surely worth one beer of mediocre quality?

Yes it is.. And the puppy is OK. She got back a bit ago from the vet. He has to take some pills but he should be alright.

Why didn’t you just ask, it’s only Pabst for pete’s sake – did you know she would say no, but you did it anyway? Evil intent, regardless of the monetary worth, might not rocket you to damnation…but I bet it took your karma down a notch.

Pshh….

as long as you make it up by drinking a sixer of tallboys with her later you will probably just go to purgatory.

Yes. See you there.

Surely god will see drinking PBR as punishment enough.

Niki… That might be the nine words that ends our friendship. Kinda sad it had to go out like that.

Was it the last beer?

I think sins against siblings are mostly forgiven. I am sure she gave as good as you took.

Not the last beer.. Does that make a difference in gods eyes? What if it was a keg?

If I didn’t know I was taking the last beer would I still go to hell.

Oh yeah, the last beer is definitely in the mortal sin class.

God is complicated.

Time to have a conversation with Dante.

For a Pabst? I don’t think so. Maybe if it was a micro brew.

You will need more than one PBR if you are going to read Dante.

The PBR hate is interesting. And disturbing.

I hope you don’t mean me, johnpowell. In my case, it was Dante hate.

Why all the PBR bashing? I think it stands up well to Burgie and Old Milwaukee! Oh yeah, hell it is!

You were going to hell long before you stole a Pabst, John. He knows about the masturbation.

Santa does too. He sees you when you’re sleeping. He knows when you’re awake.

You’ve acknowledge this minor of sins. You’ve shown some degree of remorse. I suggest penance if you believe you are spiritually ready to move on.

How about two Hail Marinas and five Our gailcalleds?

Stealing beer from siblings will land you in Limbo. Stealing beer from parents is free & not a sin. Conning the beer store to sell you beer when you’re underage will gain you holy brownie points, but only if you fake the clerk out by having a moustache. Drinking the beer is the real sin. God will think that you prefer to be retarded rather than intelligent as he made you, and will reincarnate you as such.

Just replace it and you will be in the clear

Drink wine and it’l be fine. Jesus didn’t turn water into PBR.

@Breed: not that anyone is pimping his new wine bar or anything? Maude.

Permits, permits, permits. New projected opening August!

According to Libations 3:12: When in Sisters house only PBR or the like may be confiscated…..

The road to hell is paved with good libations.

@breedmitch . . .which makes the travel there smoother.

I took a 1/3rd bottle of JD from my grandpa.
If you’re going to hell, I’m right behind you. See you in the line at the cafeteria, where all they serve is hospital food or airplane food.

Three weeks later… an act of contrition, obviously, is in order. I’d invite her over, open the fridge and say innocently “want a beer?” If she says yes, give her one, good to go. If she says no, that’s a refusal, man! Also good to go. Drink a beer at that time anyway, helps to shrieve the soul.
You can trust my advice on matters of the soul, as I’m an ordained minister.

Jonathan Powell does not feel emotions like you and me, his mind perceives only one feeling…greatness

Im sure God will find it in his heart to forgive you. But only if you go back to your sisters and get one for him too

..your sister….him… ? must have been a rough night…

But JP, I already stole all your beer and sold it, remember? After you stole my books?

There is no hell. There is no such thing as hell. There ain’t no hell. There is only… France.

—FZ

@cwicseolfor….However, France does have a god. I believe they call him….“Jerry Lewis.”

Hell! ?
Hardly no, but it could send you to the liquor store!!!

Nah. It’s your sister.

I have a follow-up, now that I’ve seen this Q&A…

If Santa and Jesus are both watching you masturbate… what does it tell you about them?

Is the Easter Bunny getting a piece of this as well? The Tooth Fairy, maybe?

So, @jrpowell, what DID you do? Did you replace the beer? Did you just let time go by and hope she didn’t notice?

No.
You won’t go to hell for that, but drinking it… BLECH!

You could always purchase an indulgence from the church if you feel that bad about it.