Social Question

YoKoolAid's avatar

Men, have you ever lost respect or thought differently of a woman if she sleeps with you early on?

Asked by YoKoolAid (2424points) March 27th, 2012

Every woman has their own gauge of when is the right time to sleep with someone, and it’s their right to decide. Many believe that if they jump into bed with a guy too soon, they will have lost his respect or be seen differently in his eyes, so in your experience- if a woman has ever slept with you early on in a relationship, did you lose respect for her or think differently of her?

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31 Answers

Blackberry's avatar

No. If anything, I’m tired of society harshly judging women for doing the same things men do, for reasons like this.

Shippy's avatar

This is such a great question because, I am a woman and have been in many chats with women wondering if they should or should not early on. I know if I really do like a guy or person (I am bisexual) I tend to wait. Mostly because sex can change things, and intimacy often confuses issues. Not always I am sure. But I try to see if there is at least friendship there for when the lust wears off. I did kind of veer off your question. But in a way not as I do think sexual intimacy changes peoples perceptions of a person, whether good or bad.

Akua's avatar

I’m female and I have sex when I feel like it. I’ve had sex with a man after knowing him only a few hours and I have waited with others. I dance to the beat of my own drum, not one society is playing.

josie's avatar

In my case, the answer to your question is yes. There have been occasions where that was true. To be fair, there have been times it was not true. Context is everything.

Dutchess_III's avatar

I would hope it would depend on what kind of woman she was, if the guy even tried to find out.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

I always play it by ear and the one rule I have is never disrespect a woman. I can’t stand that. As long as she respects herself she’ll have my respect. If she has trouble with that I’ll work with her on respecting herself.

Imadethisupwithnoforethought's avatar

Honestly, I don’t think in terms that she “is making me wait”. I usually let a women make the first move, and if she doesn’t quickly, I assume it won’t ever proceed romantically and lose interest.

On the other hand, if she initiates or invites physical contact, and we are in a place and have time, and then she stops in the middle because she doesn’t want to lose my respect, I will think she is crazy, and might not trust her go forwards.

digitalimpression's avatar

Yes. However, I understand I’m not a “normal” man.

ratboy's avatar

No. I didn’t respect her before she slept with me.

elbanditoroso's avatar

It gave me MORE respect for her, because it showed she made her own decisions and was not the prisoner of some religious or social norms.

chyna's avatar

I certainly don’t want to date a guy with double standards like that.

Aethelflaed's avatar

No (because I’m bi…?), and I make a point not to sleep with men who would lose respect for me if I slept with them early on.

Pandora's avatar

@YoKoolAid Great question. I’m not a guy so I can’t answer that. I can’t help but wonder, how many guys may say they still respect her but on an unconcious level they don’t. The same can go in reverse. If a girl puts off till marriage, they may think her a tease. Who, to some guys the values are equal to a slut.
In the end, it really comes down to if the person is in love with the other person. If she gives it up and he loves her, than she’s great. If she doesn’t, than still great.
If he’s just looking for a good time, than it shouldn’t matter what he thinks.
If he’s looking for love but thinks he has to test drive every girl that comes his way but wants a new untouched model, than again why worry what he thinks. He’s a jerk.
If he only wants a new untouched model and is one himself, than fine but he shouldn’t put her down if she wants to take the wait all the way up to the alter.

SavoirFaire's avatar

Never, and I think it’s kind of pathetic if someone would lose respect for someone over this when they themselves are doing the exact same thing. It takes two to tango. Jill can’t have sex with Sam before Sam has sex with Jill. Both necessarily have sex with one another simultaneously. So it’s either shameful for both or shameful for neither. Things might be different if the timing itself were not the issue, but no one is in a position to non-hypocritically complain about the timing of their own (consensual) sexual encounter.

linguaphile's avatar

I grew up in Alabama around die-hard evangelicals… so there is a stupid tiny fundamentalist preacher in my head that shows up at the most inopportune moments. Where’s the Orkin Man for that kinda thing?

But, I do get hissy at guys or anyone who judges me.

Ask this great question on a different Q and A site and…

dappled_leaves's avatar

Why would he respect her any less than he respects himself? She wasn’t in bed alone.

rojo's avatar

@dappled_leaves given the circumstance, she would have been better off if she was.

FutureMemory's avatar

@digitalimpression I assume you felt the same way about yourself? Because you were doing the exact same thing she was. Do you not hold yourself up to the same standards of purity?

downtide's avatar

No, but I sometimes feel like I lose respect for myself, depending on my state of mind at the time. (I’ve dated four women and with three of them we had sex on the first date. The one that didn’t, was the messiest and nastiest breakup ever).

augustlan's avatar

How hypocritical would a man have to be to feel this way? For what it’s worth, the last time I had a first date, it was specifically for the purpose of having sex. The guy married me. ;)

FutureMemory's avatar

@augustlan How hypocritical would a man have to be to feel this way?

Extremely. The very definition of the word. Funny how some people can still justify it and see nothing wrong with the hypocrisy. Funny is a poor choice of words. More like pathetic and sad.

Hypocrisy_Central's avatar

Fact from fiction, truth from diction. Be it her, or him, I would not hold to much respect for any of them. I would not disrespect them as people, but I would not respect them in the area of their self-control. It would be in the same context I would of a person who would rip off the boss, or cheat his deli, barber, etc out of money.

There are two kinds of gals you meet, those you use for sex, and those you think of having around. I would not hop in the sack right off with a woman I cared to have a relationship with. I would want there to be a ”brain connection” when we finally ”bumped ugly”. It is the like that car you commute everyday in, you care that it is nice, but it usually no matter how you look at it, do not get pampered like the ”weekend car”.

I would suspect if I were so willing to hop in bed with a woman of the 1st meet or in the 1st week, she would not take me seriously but view me as just some horndog she is utilizing for the moment; it wasn’t serious because of the sex was bad, she has no thought it would set the tone for a relationship, because there is no relationship.

ucme's avatar

No, i’m way too busy wearing a great big smile across my face.

Paradox25's avatar

There is a difference between reality and fairness and I think that it pertains to this type of question. The reality of this all, due to social gender roles (hence sexism as a result) is that women are looked down upon by many men for sexual promiscuity but not vice versa. It is the same reasons why women are frequently looked down upon by many men when they try to approach or ask a guy out but not vice versa. Personally I’m not this way as a guy and I think that it is quite juvenile to hold a sex to one standard but not the other.

digitalimpression's avatar

@FutureMemory The difference is that I wouldn’t go through with it. I read the question (I admit incorrectly) to read “if she insisted on sleeping with you early on”.

Bottom line (for me) is that a woman who is overly eager to have sex is a huge turn off for me. But once again, I don’t expect you to agree. Lord knows there aren’t many who agree with me on the ole fluther threads. xD

Imadethisupwithnoforethought's avatar

@digitalimpression not being argumentative for the sake of being argumentative but as long as we are talking about it…

There is nothing more sexy to me than when a woman declares she intends to have me and it is only a matter of time. Now I understand that to mean me, and I do not assume she does that to all other guys, or else I wouldn’t be giving that woman a chance with me in the first place.

digitalimpression's avatar

@Imadethisupwithnoforethought Whatever works for you man. I just prefer a woman who has an understated class… one who will lure you in with her personality and mind until you are so drawn in that the relationship explodes like napalm. I am of the persuasion that absence makes the heart grow fonder… be it sex or Texas.. I’ve found it to be true for me.

FutureMemory's avatar

@digitalimpression Actually DA, I think with this aspect of our lives you and I are cut from the same cloth. I’m very much an old-fashioned romantic. I don’t like to rush into the physical aspect of relationships. It just doesn’t feel right to me to focus on the physical when there’s so much of the emotional/mental connection to be explored still.

When I lost my virginity, it was my girlfriend that pulled the “If you loved me, you’d do it” line.

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