Social Question

coastiegirl96's avatar

Did I ruin everything?

Asked by coastiegirl96 (630points) April 4th, 2012

Okay. So, last year I met this guy, and we liked each other instantly. I ditched to his house in May and my parents broke us up and we didn’t speak for 3 months. Then, we started talking again slowly. We were acquaintances, friends, then best friends. Everything was really good. I helped him with his girl problems and we talked about anything and everything for hours. Then, in February I had to go up to the high school for talent show practice. He and I hung out and we were hugging because I had to go, and he kissed me. We talked even more and were kind of.. a thing then. We didn’t get to see each other often but when we did we would kiss and hang out and have fun.
Then yesterday, he asked me if I was content with our friendship. I said no. He asked me to explain and I said he wouldn’t like it but he told me to just tell him. He said before that he would make me his girlfriend only if he could constantly see me, my parents let me talk to him, I could come over and I wasn’t grounded. And I was scared to say anything but I didn’t really care at that moment. So I did. : (I pasted the conversation below)
4:49 PM Harry: ?
4:53 PM me: to be yours.
4:54 PM to be the girl that you call before yoou sleep.
to be the one you dream about, think about.
4:55 PM to be able to say “Yeah, that’s my guy. (:” .
to be the one you dedicate songs to.
4:56 PM me: to be the one that makes you happy.
Harry: oh

And then I had to go. So I never found out his thoughts on it. But, I want to know.. did I just ruin everything? We usually email each other in the morning, but now I’m scared to.. what do I do?

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43 Answers

Thammuz's avatar

Usually, if the guy is asking if you are content with your friendship, he was planning to confess anyway. Don’t worry. Ask him in the morning.

coastiegirl96's avatar

@Thammuz Hm. Ok. I asked him to please email me tomorrow (today).. so should I still? He hasn’t emailed me yet. Though he usually sleeps in till 10.

zenvelo's avatar

If you “ruined it”, it wasn’t going to become what you want. He asked, you warned him, and yet he still wanted to hear. If he can’t handle that he wasn’t ready for the relationship you are hoping for.

But give him until tomorrow. If you don’t hear from him by tomorrow, send him an email (not text) saying you have both invested emotionally with each other and you have a right to know what his response and his thinking are.

p.s., I would love it if a woman I was falling for wrote me what you wrote him. Good Luck!

coastiegirl96's avatar

@zenvelo Yeah, true. Hahah, translation: “Heeey, sorry I had to go yesterday. But, what do you think about what I said?”
Is that okay? Or would it make a guy think FML.?
Awh, thanks(:

janbb's avatar

I would e-mail him and say “Did I ruin everything by saying what I did last night?” Best to know.

coastiegirl96's avatar

@janbb I don’t know :/

janbb's avatar

I know; it takes courage to do that. I usually put myself out there and sometimes get hurt. But since you ventured out so far already, you’re just torturing yourself by not asking how it came across.

coastiegirl96's avatar

@janbb You have a point. I keep opening my email and closing it. :/ and when I get a message, my stomach drops ‘cos I think it’s him. Then I open it and it’s just one of my friends. ugh, waiting is sucking.

janbb's avatar

Waiting is torture; try to distract yourself with something else.

coastiegirl96's avatar

@janbb Ugh, I’m trying.

tom_g's avatar

What @janbb said. When I was 16, I spoke to girls in a series of unintelligible grunts and choking sounds due to crippling fear. Open conversation is where it’s at. Can’t go wrong.

marinelife's avatar

Probably not. It’s good he had the night to think about it. I would wait to contact him until he contacts you.

coastiegirl96's avatar

@tom_g and @janbb Email sent. Fml.

Response moderated (Writing Standards)
janbb's avatar

Good luck!

coastiegirl96's avatar

@janbb Thanks, I think I’ll need it xD
@marinelife I sent the email. Then clicked into this to see you say DON’T send it. Fml.
I’m basically flipping out right now.

tom_g's avatar

@coastiegirl96: “Did I ruin everything?”

Additionally, the amazing thing about this time in your life is that everything seems extremely important. This can be both amazing – and nerve racking. It will either work out with this kid or it won’t. Either way, you will fine. Take a deep breath. It’s ok.

chyna's avatar

@coastiegirl96 Oh no! You shouldn’t have sent the email. He will never speak to you again! Just kidding. It is best to know and to stop worrying yourself sick over it. Good luck.

coastiegirl96's avatar

@tom_g Breathing.
@chyna Thanks, and I’m trying..

6rant6's avatar

Hormones involved. Much harder to ruin things than you could possibly imagine.

marinelife's avatar

@coastiegirl96 What does Fml mean? Also “ajkla;jfal”?

coastiegirl96's avatar

@marinelife Fml means: Fu** My Life.
and that means incoherent thoughts. Flipping out.
Oh he responded. He said it’s “off putting”
Great.

tom_g's avatar

@coastiegirl96: “Oh he responded. He said it’s “off putting””

That’s ok. Drop FML and move to FTG (fu** that guy).

chyna's avatar

Well, crap. Why did he ask? I agree with @tom_g.

Keep_on_running's avatar

You and possibly the boy involved are 16. You’re still children really, this is nothing in the scheme of things, though it’s a huge deal now. Try not to let it get to you.

coastiegirl96's avatar

@tom_g That made me smile (: But I still feel like crap.
@chyna I know right. That’s what I’m thinking.
@Keep_on_running I’m trying.

marinelife's avatar

That is awful that he asked when that was his response.

Tell him you found his response off-putting.

coastiegirl96's avatar

Lol, I did this was his response:
But at least you were honest about wat u think. And yea its true, at least for now. I wanna avoid the drama that people will bring, you know?

and then he attactched a photo of a couple doing a heart with a smiley face.. Urgh. I have no clue.

chyna's avatar

Sounds like a game player.

janbb's avatar

Sounds like a 16 year old boy who doesn’t know what he wants.

tom_g's avatar

In the words of one of the wisest philosophers of our time (my daughter): “Girls rule, boys drool.”

Go get a cup of coffee and forget this chump for awhile.

coastiegirl96's avatar

Argh, I don’t have a clue. He IMed me. Ugh, confusing.

Thammuz's avatar

He asked, FFS.

Gah, I hate people who cast a stone and then hide the hand.

Tell him I said to man up.

coastiegirl96's avatar

@Thammuz You and me both. Lol. Kay.

6rant6's avatar

“wat u think”

loser

cwilbur's avatar

If making it so that you never hear from a boy who can’t discuss his feelings clearly is “ruining everything,” I wish you a great deal more ruin in your life.

Luiveton's avatar

Wow he’s an ass. Go bitch slap him, seriously.

wundayatta's avatar

God. You just love the tension, I think.

Talk to him. Like voice. Or even face to face.

Here’s a truth: IM lies. Chat lies. Text lies.

Talk lies, too, but not as much. At least there’s body language to make up for what we don’t know how to say or can’t say or won’t say.

Hug him. See what happens.

Thammuz's avatar

@wundayatta Hug him. See what happens.

I second this. Then, if he acts like an ass again, knee him in the groin.

coastiegirl96's avatar

@wundayatta and @Thammuz When I get off grounding in a month and can talk to him face to face without sneaking on my laptop, I will. xD

wundayatta's avatar

Oh God, @coastiegirl96. I have a daughter exactly your age. She is quite different, not unexpectedly. In some ways, I probably understand where you’re coming from better than I do her. Boys I can understand. But she’s totally focused on school. She is just not going to allow herself to have anything to do with boys for the foreseeable future.

I think most father’s would be pleased about this. It means the chances of having to ground her are pretty small. Not that I believe in grounding. I take a different approach to parenting. I wonder if by being weird, she rebels and tries to act responsible or something.

Anyway, the thing about relationships at your age is that noone really knows what they are doing. You have to work through relationships for a number of years before you can even begin to have a clue—at least, for most people that’s how it is. You make mistakes. You miss clues. It’s very emotionally draining.

I think it is a serious business, but I also know that most relationships at your age won’t last. Things change so quickly at your age. So even though this all feels very serious, try to step back a bit, and be aware that this probably will change quickly. Try not to get so tied up in things. And focus on learning—both with relationships, but especially also with school.

coastiegirl96's avatar

So.. I guess I should let y’all know what happened when I hugged him last Thursday.
He hugged me really tight and kissed me. Again and again.
And then we sat and talked for hours with his arms around me, kissing me occasionally.
It was really sweet.. he like, picked me a flower when he was walking over, but it died in his pocket. Still a nice thought though.
Hehe. Thanks for the advice, guys (:

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