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gimmedat's avatar

Benefits/consequences of giving your 15-year-old a curfew?

Asked by gimmedat (3938points) May 26th, 2008 from iPhone

I don’t necessarily have a curfew for my 15-year-old. She has to get plans approved and call if she changes location, but I don’t put a fixed time on plans. What do you think?

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17 Answers

Unknown_Lvs's avatar

Every child should have a curfew. If you’re the parent do you really have to ask?

gimmedat's avatar

@unknown…I am the parent and I didn’t have to ask. Just looking for opinions. Sticking with your thinking, why would anyone ask anything on Fluther?

LightFlame's avatar

It really depends on how you were raised, when you were a kid did you have a curfew? Most parents like to parent the same way they were parented. Stick with what you feel a safe time and tell her that she can’t have full freedom because she is still young and its not the best idea to not have some rules around the house. What do you mean by plans? If you mean going out to the movies with friends, let her but enable the curfew.

skfinkel's avatar

I wasn’t given a curfew, but was overly conscientious about not staying out too late.

Breefield's avatar

I’ve blown my trust recently (twice that is) within the last few months. Like blew it hardcore to the point where my parents shouldn’t let me out of the house. But they realize they need to start trusting me again, and oddly enough curfew has nothing to do with that.
I recently got my night driving license (as opposed to the day license I had before) and the last two nights my parents have let me be out until 11:30 (downtowon) and 12:30 (movies).
I think as long as you keep in contact with her and know what her plans are, and know what she’s up to then it might just work out :p

babygalll's avatar

At that age I think the child should have a curfew. Not sure the relationship you have with your child, but you need to show them that you are the parent and you have rules. Not giving them firm rules lets them think they can do anything. Some kids out there at this age think their parents don’t care, because you don’t give them a time to come home. (not saying you don’t)

Just remember your child is still considered a minor under law and you are responsible for their actions.

PupnTaco's avatar

Give them enough rope to hang themselves with, then reel them back in when they do.

I have a curfew for my 15-year old.

Breefield's avatar

@Babygall – Showing your child that you’re the parent and that you have rules is an AWFUL way to raise your child. All the rules you make for your child should be in their best interest, correct? Because if they’re not then you need to re-evaluate. BUT if the rules you set are in your child’s best interest then they should be able to see that.
Rules should be a mutual thing, parents shouldn’t act as policemen (this creates an awful parent-child relationship of animosity and disdain which can be attributed to rebellion later on), they should act as friends and mentors.

LightFlame's avatar

Babygalll,

I completely agree with you, I was raised that way and you can count on me raising my children that way. Rules are the foundation of what keeps structure. You lose rules, you lose control.

babygalll's avatar

@Breefield: In some cases they can be a mutual thing, but you also have to remember that not all teens are the same.

This is the age where they experiment things such as drugs, drinking, smoking and sex. If you have a troubled teen who is hanging out with the wrong crowd; Are you going to let them stay out and do what they want? That’s when the cops will be knocking on your door in the middle of night!

Breefield's avatar

I realize that aspect of it – but you said that regardless of the relationship she has with her child, that the child needs a curfew, which isn’t always the case. While some teens are screwing around with that stuff (punny) – some are not. I wish people would always give me the benefit of the doubt when it comes to that stuff.

babygalll's avatar

Yes, regardless of the relationship. Rules need to be set as a parent early on, so their child doesn’t go down that path.

As they get older it may be a mutual thing depending on the event. There are some events that go longer than others, but the parent should have the final say what time the child should come home.

marinelife's avatar

Fifteen is to young not to have a curfew. Why should a fifteen-year-old who is in school be out after midnight (or even 11:30 P.M.) under normal circumstances ever? Special occasions can be cleared in advance with all the contact details.

Nothing good will be going on at 1 or 2 A.M.

TheHaight's avatar

I completely agree with Marina. I have a 15 years old sister, and although she is a good kid and I know she doesnt party/drugs etc… I still wouldn’t feel right with her being out past 11:30/12. And that is a pretty lenient time- because when I was her age my curfew was 10 at 15. Maybe I am just protective over her (more so than my parents) there’s wacky weirdos out there in this world! If she’s not home by her curfew then she’s at her friends house. And to add- she has never complained about her curfew.

marinelife's avatar

Correction on my post: too young (not to young). Sorry, my typing is lousy.

@TheHaight I think you are right. I agree with even earlier. I was trying to come from the viewpoint that the kid is starting with none. As to your sis, for some reason, parents relax the rules with younger kids.

buster's avatar

a lot of cities have curfew for minors. you could be getting a phone call at three in the morning to pick up your kid if the kid gets caught out. who wants to wake up and go pick up there kid from juvie?

hannahsugs's avatar

I never had a strict curfew, but my parents usually asked that I be home or somewhere to stay for the night by midnight (or later in high school, by 1). They explained their reasoning to me, which was that they didn’t want me on the road when other dangerous (drunk) drivers were on the road. They were always fine with me staying over at a friends house if I didn’t want to be home by 12, I just had to tell them where I was.

I appreciated this because they did not imply that they didn’t trust me, but just acknowledged that the roads aren’t safe in a city when people start leaving the bars. Being trusted means a lot to teens, and I think a curfew can incite rebellious behavior. Knowing that they are being trusted can encourage teens to live up to that trust.

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