General Question

Whattodo's avatar

I can't afford their wedding registry.

Asked by Whattodo (101points) May 26th, 2008

They only registered at Tiffany and registerstock.com. I’m not a Rockefeller. What do I do?

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12 Answers

trudacia's avatar

Chip in with someone else.

marinelife's avatar

Registries, despite some greedy people’s thinking, are not commands on what to cough up. They are supposed to be merely suggestions of some things the couple wants.

One possibility is cash or a gift certificate to one of the places they registered. That way it could be combined with other money to purchase something they have selected.

It is also fine etiquette-wise to go completely away from the registry and get them something else.

trudacia's avatar

I agree with Marina in that cash or gift certificate is always okay. However, I don’t really agree with getting a gift that’s not on the registry. The purpose of the registry is to avoid duplicate gifts or having to return items you don’t like or need.

Seesul's avatar

I’m older, but really surprised at wedding registries today. One recently had $3,000 worth of bed linens on it, as well as more wine glasses than one could break in a lifetime, so I feel for you. What I did was not be dictated by their wants. It’s nice to have a guideline by these things, but starting up and setting up in life seems to have taken on a different meaning. I went in with a friend that was on a strict budget. We found a theme in what they were asking for and it turned out to be wine. We then went out and searched sale racks and bookstores for unusual, nice cookbooks on the subject and other wine themed things. We also went on ebay and other rare book sites and found a collection of out of print, and very nice things on the subject. Ross, TJMaxx and stores like that are great as well. We had fun doing it and kept to a pre-determined budget, no one the wiser for what we spent.

It was interesting to go over the registry closer to the wedding and see what people had actually bought. ALL of the lower priced items were snatched up, while only a few of the pricer things had been. I inherited my mom’s china when she passed away. It is lovely and finer china than you can get on today’s market. Since a lot of people her age unfortunately are passing away, I’ve been able to complete the set for less than she spent on it when I was a child. Too bad more young couples don’t use this approach and ask for china like that. Unless you are from a really wealthy family, there is no way that your wedding guests can afford to buy a complete set for you or even a working set.

nikipedia's avatar

Gifts in any situation are optional. Anyone who thinks otherwise can, frankly, suck it.

AstroChuck's avatar

I find a toaster is always a thoughtful and unique gift.

marinelife's avatar

@trudacia Sorry, I am totally with nikipedia on this. A gift at all is the giver’s choice and is not required. The gift recipient can make suggestions, but the the giver has no obligation to follow them.

While it is nice if you don’t get 16 fish forks, the couple’s convenience does not trump the etiquette. The reverse of the premise of not receiving gifts you don’t want or need is the couple then has an obligation to widen their efforts to include gift possibilities that will fit all budgets. I’m sure if they put their mind to it, they could think of something they could use other than the stock of Tiffany’s.

That said, most people who want to give gifts want to give gifts that are appreciated. Seesul had some great inventive ideas.

trudacia's avatar

Agreed. You should consider all different budgets when creating your registry. I still like the idea of money though…

AstroChuck's avatar

of course, a can opener is always nice.

babygalll's avatar

Wedding registries are outrageous these days! They are asking for these things, but it doesn’t mean you have to purchased something off the registry. They should know not everyone can afford the outrageous taste of todays bride.

A crock pot/slow cooker will come in handy. Target has some really good ones for all budgets. Ranging from $19.99—$69.99.

Don’t feel forced to get something from the registry.

Seesul's avatar

and gail, Targ├ęt has an easy registry. My nephew and niece used it and they gave them a pricing/bar code gun thingy and they just went around the store aiming it at stuff they might like to have. They had a fairly small wedding, but got nearly everything on the list, and most of the things were under $50, a lot around $20. I second the crock pot, but the one I have does everything from slow cook to boil to deep fry. I use it more than the range and it is energy efficient. My other favorite is the George Foreman Grill and it comes in all sorts of sizes.

philiprowell's avatar

Maybe you should have a quiet word with the bride. Just say ‘the gifts on your list are out of my range, is there something else that you’d like?’

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