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FluffyChicken's avatar

(NSFW) How do know your partner's feedback is honest?

Asked by FluffyChicken (5486points) April 15th, 2012 from iPhone

It’s pretty rare for anyone to tell a partner that they are mediocre, or even bad in bed. It kind of makes you wonder how often positive feedback is all that accurate. How do you know your partner is telling the truth?

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32 Answers

john65pennington's avatar

And, who is your partner comparing you to?

FluffyChicken's avatar

Other partners, I suppose. For example, several men have told me I give exceptionally good head, but would most men tell a woman that she’s terrible if she has his dick in her mouth?

Keep_on_running's avatar

Was not expecting that.^

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

Discount the verbal, pay attention to the physical.
@FluffyChicken Teeth around my male organ make me very positive in my feedback.

FluffyChicken's avatar

I DO believe them… my technique is effective.

gailcalled's avatar

Lovemaking is like tennis; you both can easily learn new techniques and play a better game.

I think using judgmental words like “mediocre” or “bad” is not helpful. One player likes a fast game at net,and another prefers only long court forehands.

You talk to each other if you are real partners. Why would anyone lie about sexual technique? It seems very straightforward.

Coloma's avatar

Drop the idea that you have to be in performance mode. Great sex unfolds naturally without contrivances. If your partner is WITH YOU, kinda speaks for itself, and while communication is good, it’s not about performance evaluations or acting. Here’s the rub, pun intended….are you spending more time in sexual acting or are you fully engaged in the moment, spontaneously?

If either of you are more concerned with performance over genuine intimate connection time to work on being more authentic and less in porn star mode. ;-)

mazingerz88's avatar

If he or she comes back for seconds?

marinelife's avatar

How trustworthy is your partner in other respects? That should be your guideline.

wundayatta's avatar

I agree with @gailcalled. Ranking people on their love-making is destructive, for the most part, even if you rank well. You still start wondering if someone could come along who was better, and then what?

Do we rank people on personality? Maybe a bit, but isn’t it based on who is more compatible? Shouldn’t that be the same concern for love-making? Are we compatible or not? Can we make beautiful music together? Because it is possible to make beautiful music with lots of people. It’s not usually a competition. It’s more about what we do together.

So as to feedback—yes, we should be positive and encouraging if we like a person. It doesn’t matter how we compare, what matters is if we want to encourage our partners and if we do, we give them positive feedback.

You can go looking gifthorses in the mouth if you want, but that’s on you, and that’s usually a sign of depression. If you decide your opinion of yourself matters more than what they say, then you’ve lost already. You have bigger problems to deal with than worrying about whether they are honest.

As an inveterate person who always disses himself, I’ve decided that honesty is overated. Or rather, my appreciation of honesty is overated. I think that smoothing relationships is most important, and that honesty has nothing to do with that. If someone compliments you when they don’t necessarily think you deserve a compliment, that means they like you more than honesty is worth. You are more important than the so-called “truth.”

I’ve learned that that’s a great bargain. They want me to feel good. That’s what they are saying. They care enough about me to try to make me feel good. For a worthless person such as myself, that is fantabulous! Who the fuck cares if my cock is as big as a horses? What matters is they wanted me to feel like it was. What kind of stupid would I have to be to deny them?

Uh. Don’t tell me. Been there. Done that. Bought the t-shirt. Nearly ended up in hell. I won’t be making that mistake again.

ucme's avatar

One old girlfriend I had back in my teens said she was going to give me a blow job, seeing as though i’m a dirty bastard, I had no objections. She literally blew on my John Thomas, as if it were a flickering flame, I had no qualms in asking her what the hell she was doing.
Suitably chastised, she quickly learned the correct oral procedure….which was nice.

GladysMensch's avatar

@FluffyChicken several men have told me I give exceptionally good head

how you doin’?

Brian1946's avatar

If one’s partner gives them a good review on Yelp, then one can rest assured that it’s sincere. ;-)

FluffyChicken's avatar

@GladysMensch Quite well, thanks for enquring. Yourself?

Ooh, I think you just inspired another NSFW question.

Shippy's avatar

If two souls connect then there is no need to rank them, they come tops.

FluffyChicken's avatar

@Shippy. I wish I could hand you a pillowcase full of GAs.

augustlan's avatar

If you hear it a lot, and from different people, I think you can assume it’s true. I’m like you, and have been told often that I give the best head they’ve ever had. I’m pretty confident about that one. :D

mazingerz88's avatar

Apparently, after reading this board, I’m not getting the best head out there. : )

Also, feedback given during the act could be the most accurate and honest of all feedback. If you hear “Oh shit” or “Oh God” and my favorite, “Oh fuck”...I think you’re in a good spot. But then of course, they could be faked. : (

augustlan's avatar

In a more general sense, I think if something you’re doing in bed is bad, most people won’t say anything about it. If they do, it’ll be more like guiding you on how they’d like you to do it, not telling you that what you’re doing sucks. If what you’re doing is really good, though, people will volunteer that info, either directly or with their reactions to what you’re doing.

FluffyChicken's avatar

A “more like this” is always nice. I like learning new things. And you’re right about not saying anything thing. I was with a guy recently who was doing a terrible job eating me out, and I couldn’t figure out how the heck to explain to him how to do it better, so I just…waited. Which is part of why I asked this question.

Earthgirl's avatar

I’m not sure how talented I am for real, but I ask you, what does it mean when you hear “Jesus!!!!” coming from the mouth of an atheist in climax?

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

@Earthgirl I think you’re really talented when you get that reaction. I can’t think of much else either.

Earthgirl's avatar

Adirondackwannabe not sure what you mean by much else, are you thinking of Jesus too, lol?

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

@Earthgirl Well, I usually think Oh God, lol but there’s not much else going on. If you asked my name it’d take a minute.

wundayatta's avatar

Look. Clearly there are a number of women here who give incredible blowjobs. I, for one, think it behooves me to experience them all. Purely in a non-competitive way, of course!

Also—just putting it out there—I’m not averse to experiencing the talents exhibited in other parts of their bodies, either. I’m sure I could be very appreciative, given the opportunity. In some other universe, no doubt.

mazingerz88's avatar

@Earthgirl I think you still have room to improve your skills. You know, aim for a “Jesus Christ!”? : )

Earthgirl's avatar

” mazinger88”: http:// yes, true, we all have goals to reach for don’t we?

wundayatta's avatar

Why aim just for a “Jesus Christ?” Why not aim to totally blow the top of his head off? Send him into orbit. You know. A truly challenging goal.

Earthgirl's avatar

wundayatta does it count if his eyes roll back in his head?

wundayatta's avatar

Only if steam comes out of his ears, too!

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