Social Question

Hawaii_Jake's avatar

If you've used a dating site, how open were you?

Asked by Hawaii_Jake (34906points) April 28th, 2012

I’m wondering about dating sites and whether or not I should include details specifically about my mental illness.

I probably won’t reveal that on my profile, but how soon in an email exchange should I mention it?

Do you have experience revealing important information on a dating site?

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11 Answers

ragingloli's avatar

I am 150 years too old for that.

Blackberry's avatar

I would wait until personal conversation for that.

Hawaii_Jake's avatar

@Blackberry : Have you ever had to hold off revealing important information to a potential partner?

bkcunningham's avatar

I am going back and forth in my mind thinking it would depend on the type of mental illness and waiting until much further into the relationship.

Fly's avatar

I have never used a dating site, but I would wait until I had started a relationship with a person before telling them about a mental illness. A mental illness is very personal information that I don’t feel is necessary to divulge right away. Mental illnesses, especially serious ones, will generally turn people off right off the bat; logically, many people would not want to get involved in a relationship complicated by mental illness, even if you are otherwise a great guy. Once you are in a relationship with a person, however, they will then have to make a decision about the relationship based on their emotional connection with you as well, and you just might be worth it. ;)

Think about it- if you met a stranger on the street and wanted to ask them out, you wouldn’t warn them of your mental illness right then and there, would you?

nikipedia's avatar

I agree with @Blackberry, and I would also encourage moving up to face-to-face conversation relatively quickly. There’s no need to have a long series of message exchanges before meeting up; it’s the meeting that will tell you if this is someone you want to get to know or not.

I would consider mental illness second or third date material with someone you hope to have a long-term relationship with.

janbb's avatar

My new friend revealed it during a lunch after we had been walking and talking for a few months. We met in real life – not on a dating site and I’m not sure we’re really dating. However, to answer your question I would wait until I felt that the person had some investment in getting to know me more deeply so perhaps after a while. I had a similar issue in this friendship with revealing my age – and it, and other parts of my past came up as part of the same conversation.

Aethelflaed's avatar

I wouldn’t state that on my profile, or in messages. That’s really only something you get to know in person, because otherwise, it makes it seem like it’s a bigger deal than it is. (And, there are a lot of d-bags who will take advantage of it, so there’s that part).

I think a lot of this depends on how much you’ve got your bipolar under control. If it’s under control, then it’s important that they know at some point, but not right away. Let them get to know you as this great guy who’s got it under control, so that when you do tell them you have bipolar, they have a way to counter the possible knee-jerk reaction of imaging worst-case scenario. And then talk to them about how severe it is, and what ways it manifests when not under control, and what you do to keep it under control.

ucme's avatar

As far as those places are concerned i’ve always been closed for business. Put another way, never felt the need/urge.

Blackberry's avatar

@Hawaii_Jake Sorry I’m late, No, I haven’t. :/

Pied_Pfeffer's avatar

I did the dating site thing for six months. I never ran across a profile that listed that listed an illness or disability. Maybe it was due to the formatting of that web site.

My recommendation would be to not put it on the profile. Wait for the appropriate time to bring this up with any potential matches. This would be at some point when you are exchanging e-mail so that you can answer any questions that crop up. You may find that the right time differs from person to person.

Good luck with the search! Will you keep us posted on how it’s going?

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