Social Question

minnie19's avatar

What can be the reasons why some men don't go for beautiful women?

Asked by minnie19 (435points) May 16th, 2012 from iPhone

When the girl is also intelligent… I have seen many examples of this, but couldn’t figure out why. Some of the prettiest and interesting women are alone.

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46 Answers

Sunny2's avatar

Same reason some women don’t go for handsome men. The vanity factor in a beautiful person or the fear of being compared to the beautiful one. Or the fear of being turned down by someone that good looking.

elbanditoroso's avatar

Some (not all) beautiful women give the impression of being snobs. They exude a superiority complex and a lot men don’t find it worthwhile to play that woman’s ego game.

Judi's avatar

I loved the scene in A Beautiful Mind, where he figured out how much better his odds were with the less pretty girls.

wundayatta's avatar

If you’re not good looking, then it’s hard to believe a beautiful woman would look twice at you, no matter how smart you might be. Beauty is easy to see. Intelligence takes an investment of time. If you look creepy, a beautiful woman is not likely to give you enough time to get to know you.

Now, on the internet, that’s a little different, since you can get to know someone before you see them. But people rely heavily on pictures, anyway, so I think most people get dismissed based on looks before they get a chance to know a person, anyway.

Blackberry's avatar

If it’s too good to be true, it may be. Why would a gorgeous woman want me? It sounds bad, but I have less to offer than many other guys she’s probably used to approaching her. Also, sue me if you would like, but I don’t really expect drop dead gorgeous and intelligence to go hand in hand….sorry :/

nikipedia's avatar

Maybe the beautiful woman in question is crazy town.

Did you have a specific example you wanted to discuss? I would have trouble thinking of a general principle explaining why men avoid beautiful women since that has not been my experience at all.

Keep_on_running's avatar

Related quote:

“Women are like apples on trees, the best ones are on the top of the tree. The men don’t want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and don’t want to get hurt. Instead, they just get the rotten apples from the ground that aren’t so good but easy. So, the apples at the top think something is wrong with them, when in reality they are amazing. They just have to wait for the right man to come along, the one who’s brave enough to climb all the way to the top becuase they value quality.”

JLeslie's avatar

I have read that beauty seeks beauty. I guess if the guy perceives a woman as out of his league so to speak in looks, he will pass her over.

Also, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I have friends who are attracted to men who are all buffed and muscular, and I do not find it compelling at all. Not only is it not a turn on to me, but I assume they are obsessed with the gym, until they prove me wrong. I like people who want to be reasonably healthy, but any extreme with anything turns me off. It feels obsessive, compulsive, and addictive to me.

Or, maybe you are only speaking of facial beauty? I guess men just need to feel like they have a decent shot at her saying yes to a date to approach her. I mean, who wants to be rejected?

thorninmud's avatar

There’s the fear of initial rejection and the realization that beautiful women get hit on all the time, so the man would be putting himself in a position of being compared to a constant parade of rivals for her affections. That’s emotionally exhausting. Getting rejected at the outset is hard enough on the ego, but getting dumped for a better suitor is even worse.

Keep_on_running's avatar


But if every guy thought that way no one would ever hit on beautiful women and so the fears would be unfounded. It’s a catch-22 situation. The bottom line is; you can’t assume anything of anyone, no matter what they look like or how they appear.

LuckyGuy's avatar

I can think of several reasons:
External beauty does not necessarily mean beauty within
She could be high maintenance.
Beauty does not last. Personality does.
It a lot of work to keep flies off honey.

thorninmud's avatar

@Keep_on_running Well, it depends on the guy’s self-assessment, I suppose—how he thinks he stacks up against the pack. If he thinks he’s quite the catch, then he’d be more willing to take on the competition.

Personality enters into it too. Some people just enjoy the ego-boost of a high-value conquest, and really don’t care much about the follow-through.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

When I was a kid I liked the wrapping paper. When I grew up I wanted the contents under the paper.

chyna's avatar

One of my brothers, who is not real attractive, overweight, bald asks some of the prettiest women out and they go. I asked one of them why and she said no one ever asks her out. He married two of them and they both ended up cheating on him. His third marriage was with a woman who wasn’t beautiful, but has inner beauty and wants the same things he does in life. They seem like a great match where the other two didn’t seem to even like him, just wanted to be married.

digitalimpression's avatar

Can I have her number?

Alright, I guess I’ll make a real answer.

I think the reason is obvious. Most guys don’t think enough of themselves to hit on a “bombshell” regardless of her intelligence level.

The guys that think the world of themselves are probably the ones to steer clear of anyway.

The guys who fall somewhere in the middle will probably find someone else who falls somewhere in the middle.

This trend will continue until society changes their views on and perceptions of beauty… don’t hold your breath.

Facade's avatar

It’s just fear of having their ego hurt because beautiful people often want someone of similar beauty.
Why are some of you jumping to the conclusion that beautiful people are vain and have bad personalities? Anyone can have these qualities, and you always run the risk of meeting a jerk, but you wouldn’t approach a beautiful person because of it?

digitalimpression's avatar

Why doesn’t this woman ask someone out herself? Just curious. This isn’t exactly 1950 anymore.

thorninmud's avatar

@Facade I think the assumption is that a beautiful person goes through life being treated as someone special and given preferential treatment. We expect that they must have internalized some of that feeling of specialness.

digitalimpression's avatar

Not to be a repeat answer guy but… perhaps this woman isn’t beautiful at all? Perhaps that’s just your perception. We’re gonna need photo evidence. =)

LuckyGuy's avatar

@Facade Note that none of the reasons I stated above had anything to do with the guy’s ego.

CWOTUS's avatar

A lot of guys lack so much confidence that they believe the battle (that is, the competition for the hand of the fair maiden) is already lost before it’s begun. They think that “there must be so much competition for her attention that surely she has made a better selection than me”, and they don’t even try.

tedd's avatar

External beauty and intelligence, then she must be a complete and utter bitch.

Typically the problem is they’re incredibly beautiful externally, but they have the personality of a wet carrot… or they’re just incredibly shallow.

Nimis's avatar

Being beautiful and intelligent can easily go either way. What is her actual personality like?

Also, what exactly do you find interesting about them? Is it a whiff of crazy?

All the beautiful, intelligent, cool and sane girls I know have plenty of suitors.

Charles's avatar

They aren’t rich enough.

A man will marry the best looking woman he can afford.

ninjacolin's avatar

Because it’s not up to a man, per se. It’s up to that lady to choose someone. She probably just hasn’t found her match yet. The real question is: What is she looking for?

Neizvestnaya's avatar

There’s old wives tales that socially agreed upon beyond average looking women are problematic. I think there’s even a 60’s oldies song counseling a man that if he wants to be happy for the rest of his life then he’d better not take a pretty girl for a wife.

On personal experience though, an acquaintance of mine once had an converse strategy and explained himself: the prettier the girl, the more guys intimidated and steered off from her so she probably works on herself a lot, trying to figure out how to become more approachable, more accommodating, in way, more well rounded. He also felt prettier girls were more easily exploited.

ucme's avatar

It’s all about “cutting your cloth” isn’t it?
Same as when you see some blokes driving shit, cheap & nasty cars ;¬}

Facade's avatar

@thorninmud “I think the assumption is that a beautiful person goes through life being treated as someone special and given preferential treatment. We expect that they must have internalized some of that feeling of specialness.” You’re proving my point… Assumptions have been made about a whole group of people, and instead of calling it discrimination, people are saying it’s OK so that they are free to express their own feelings of resentment and prejudice.
Writing off a beautiful person because you assume they lack substance shows a lack of substance within yourself.

Coloma's avatar

Honestly, as a ” cute” woman who is also quite bright, I can say that I have known several drop dead gorgeous women friends in my life and they were the most emotionally unstable and neurotic of women. This is not to bias extremely attractive people, but, in my experience the extremely attractive women are also some of the most insecure. needing constant reassurance of their attractiveness.
I let go of a female friend like this a few years ago, while she could be nice and fun her insecurities and hypersensitivities to everything were just too much. Major emotionally high maintenance woman, even as a friend.

She was HORRIBLE in her male relationships, the most jealous and insecure woman ever, and obsessed with losing her looks. Gah…if I were a man I’d have strangled her in her sleep after the first year of a relationship. lol

I, myself, have never been impressed with the ultra pretty boys, and I think most are extremely self obsessed and narcissistic.
I want BRAINS over brawn and chisled features.
If I want a greek god I’ll buy a stature for my garden. haha

thorninmud's avatar

@Facade First, I’m only describing the assumption, not endorsing it.

Putting the moves on someone is a gamble. If you lose, you get a good ego bruising; if you win, you get a hot date. People faced with gambles tend to indulge in a whole lot of speculation to try to define their odds of winning and the value of the payout before deciding whether it’s worth it. Sure, much of that speculation is based on stereotypes, but that’s the kind of stuff people resort to when there’s not much else to go on.

Second, I don’t think “lack of substance” is necessarily part of the assumption. The assumption is more that beautiful people get more favorable attention and get spoiled by it.

Paradox25's avatar

Maybe a growing number of guys are tired of playing the game, and don’t want to pursue anybody anymore.

Blackberry's avatar

It is too much work.

Dutchess_III's avatar

Some men think with their brains.

jerv's avatar

Define “beautiful”.

Standards vary. Some like them fat, some like them skinny, some don’t even care about the physical appearance and go more for intellect and/or personality… beauty truly is in the eye of the beholder.

FutureMemory's avatar

Maybe their personality is shit? Just because you’re smart and physically attractive doesn’t mean people will automatically want to be with you.

minnie19's avatar

I noticed some men give up before even initiating a conversation.

minnie19's avatar

Yes Coloma, you are absolutely right. Prettiest girls are the most insecure.

Dutchess_III's avatar

Nu uh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Not always. I wasn’t insecure.

ninjacolin's avatar

maybe you were never very pretty, dutchess

Dutchess_III's avatar

Yes huh! Me just out of HS.

Mom and me I couldn’t take the glass off because it was stuck to the picture. :( This was in 95.

ninjacolin's avatar

totally would’ve!

FutureMemory's avatar

@Dutchess_III Weren’t you on that show Charlies Angels?

Coloma's avatar

@FutureMemory Hey…don’t make fun of poor Farrah, who wants to die of ass cancer? lol

Dutchess_III's avatar

@FutureMemory Thank you! It’s been a long time since anyone made that comparison. In the 70’s and 80’s though, that’s all I heard. Which is a compliment….people could have been saying “You look just like Humphrey Bogart!” That wouldn’t have been cool.

@ninjacolin That’s because you saw a SECURE, confident woman in those pictures. Heh.

chyna's avatar

@Dutchess_III I think you look like Elisabeth Shue but a younger version of her.

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