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wildflower's avatar

Do you ever hold a Fluther grudge?

Asked by wildflower (11162points) May 28th, 2008

I’m sure everyone here has noticed some threads get somewhat heated.
Do you ever let your clash of opinion with another flutherite carry over to other questions? How do you handle this or avoid this happening?
I’ll admit once or twice I’ve had to tell myself not to hold a grudge, but I’m curious how this works for the rest of you.

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23 Answers

delirium's avatar


paulc's avatar

There was once a member that was the polar opposite of me in terms of political ideology. I only carried the grudge because he/she/it constantly had to bash people over the head with his/her/its beliefs but couldn’t take much in the way of rebuttal.

robmandu's avatar

I try really hard to keep my lurve for others permanent (throughout Fluther, that is) and my grudges thread-specific.

Just b/c I disagree with someone on one thing doesn’t mean it has to carry over everywhere.

And I’d like to thank the other members of the Collective who’ve already extended that courtesy back at me.

I honor the place where your quips and my lurve are one. Namaste.

kevbo's avatar

I enjoy heated debate, because I learn something and I get an opportunity to sharpen my own ideas. I don’t begrudge the person. If they’re stupid, annoying or shallow, that’s different.

scamp's avatar

No. If I disagree with someone about one thing, it doesn’t mean I would stop discussing other things with them. But If someone is constantly rude to me, I just ignore what they say and go on my merry way. Life is too short to be childish, and I prefer to enjoy myself when I come to Fluther. Plus.. what kevbo said above.

jrpowell's avatar

Yeah.. I have not answered questions that I know the answer to (computer related) because the person is a total asshole.

marinelife's avatar

I try not to. So far, I love the variety of viewpoints and lifestyles and ages in the collective, and I treasure the chance for mostly-reasoned discourse.

I can think of one somewhat harsh post I did that referred to a fellow Flutherite’s other posts, but it was because this particular Flutherite was just trampling all over people’s beliefs and using a lot of invective and inflammatory rhetoric.

TheHaight's avatar

No, maybe annoyances but not really grudges. If someone has big grudges on here, I wonder how they are in real life. I’ve made so many more friendships on here, then grudges! :D

PupnTaco's avatar

Nope, life’s too short.

jrpowell's avatar

Let me put it this way. If (i know) you are against gay marriages I won’t help you. Sometimes I spend 15 or 20 minutes looking for an answer. If I know you don’t support same sex marriages I won’t waste my time.

delirium's avatar

JP: I was about to clarify my response by saying the SAME exact thing.
If a person has stated that they think homosexuality is evil…. they don’t get my help in the least, and I do hold a grudge against them, particularly if they said what they said to the face of one of my close friends.

delirium's avatar

Also, i’m holding a very aggressive grudge against Zack.

jrpowell's avatar

You and me both.

eambos's avatar

You aren’t alone.

robmandu's avatar

Ah yes, indeed. For Zack, all bets are off.

Bri_L's avatar

I am trying not to right now.

I had a very heated debate. I tried to end it by owning up to my part in it and apologizing both publicly and in private comment. This person who had time to argue and rip on me again and again (despite saying “your not worth my time mate” again and again) and support others who agreed with his view, stopped immediately and never responded.

I know it should not matter if I were really sorry. I just wanted to let bygones be bygones.

I am now having a very very hard time not thinking this is one immature person.

To those who are woman/man enough to accept a thank you as well as your own responsibility, I commend you.

Also to JP: I would like to go on record as being for gay marriage. For one, I don’t want to miss out on yours or delerium’s wisdom and two, I am just plain for it for tons of reasons.

Bri_L's avatar

I should add that I have a tad bit of OCD which makes it really difficult to let go. So I have to make a real effort.

sndfreQ's avatar

I have learned that if you spend enough time on here those kind of folks tend to get “sorted out” by the community at-large.

The folks that tend to stick in my memory are those who inspire, inform, respect, and appreciate the collective…the rest get filed in my short-term memory (which is horribly short)...
I don’t hold grudges, but will call someone out if their behavior is uncouth or patently offensive…it’s in my job description ;)

DeezerQueue's avatar

Great question, wildflower! I think it’s impossible to not have some kind of reaction to posts that don’t sit well with us, for whatever reason that might be. But to actually hold a grudge, that’s completely different. In all frankness, there are some behaviors that go beyond what may be a grudge, repetitive behavior that continues to feed a small degree of anger or frustration, posters like zack, I don’t think it’s a grudge I think it’s a downright nuisance.

But an actual grudge over a disagreement or misunderstanding, I can’t say that I’ve ever experienced that.

wildflower's avatar

Thanks for sharing!
I’m really impressed with everyone’s ability to move past any upsetting experiences. I’ve often admired people I’ve seen go head-to-head over one question, actually come out in support of each other in the next (well maybe not the immediately following question, but you know what I mean).
Guess it’s just one of the many things that makes this site great :)

Bri_L's avatar

I agree with DeezerQueue, great question wildflower.

monsoon's avatar

@ delerium, I’m with you. I totally helped a guy out with his bricked iPhone, and then hours later met him on a homosexuality question in which he said that if gay marriage were legal, the human race would go extinct. I should just stay away from gay issues questions because they make me hate people that I thought were cool before.

sorry to answer and old question.

delirium's avatar

I think everyone has those one or two particular issues that make them get their feathers ruffled in particular.
I tend to find myself lashing out (and holding grudges) against sexism and racism and the like… but I can pretty much always drop hard feelings if the person is intelligent, interesting, and open to communication.

<3 (Don’t feel bad, though, monsoon. When it comes to something personally having to do with me, things become much less forgivable. Judgment of people with depression, in particular, gets to me. Or judgment of people with disabilities.)

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