What are some favors people love to offer, but you don't want?

I really don’t want your seat. As long as my feet aren’t bleeding, you don’t need to offer it to me. I can stand, thank you. It allows me to make a quick exit if I need it.

When people try to let you turn left at an intersection when they have the right of way, and then you both end up holding up traffic.

Holding doors when you’re not even close to them is the worst!

Totally with @Fly. Fuck your nice, asshole. You’re jakking up the flow! I read the article and can only second the sentiment about your wretched cd of your loser band, and a movie which I have no intention of watching. Also the article which you enjoyed and are sure I’ll get something out of. Thank you, no.

“Here drink some of mine”. Umm no thanks.

As much as I appreciate their instance…I cannot accept the offer of them licking my toes to switch cell phone carriers as a reason to do so. I could never do that!

I like ALL gestures of consideration, what’s to be offended by?

^^ Not offended lovey, just not interested.

@Coloma The breach in the social contract, when others don’t ask you if you would really like to partake in this favor.

@Aethelflaed Got it. Yep, well…I don’t second guess strangers motives, but…if you’re a codependent, compulsive “helper” yeah, well…gag!

Selling me insurance. I was just told recently that salespeople sell because they really think they are doing you a favor to sell you their product. (why I could never be a salesperson). I don’t appreciate the offers, thank you.

One thing: I find people opening the door for me 30 feet in front much preferable to people waltzing through doors ahead of me and letting them slam back in my face, and the latter seems to be more common.

Giving me your old clothes, so now I have to wear clothes I never would have bought in front of you.

@lillycoyote So you have been to the post office with an armload of boxes trying to get in?

Sometimes, kids of around 14/15 ask me if i’ll get them some cigarettes as I stroll into my local shop. It’s a small newsagent type affair located within the streets, quite commonplace in england town.
Perhaps I should deny their request, but it’s their lungs right?
Anyway, when I come out & give them their smokes they’ll tell me to keep the change, like, all 6p of it!!!! Yeah….no thanks dear.

@woodcutter Yes, exactly. I am big on door opening and holding doors open for people, maybe to a fault. I might be one of those 30 foot door openers myself. It can be awkward, I agree. I am never sure how far behind me someone has to be where, if I don’t hold the door, it would seem like I have let it slam back in their face, so I err on the side of caution.

And it is not about men holding doors open for women. It is about us all being civilized. I hold doors open for elderly and disabled people, I hold them open for women with a toddler on her hip in one arm and another child in stroller in her other hand, I hold them open for people encumbered with packages and other things and sometimes I just hold doors open for people because I am the first one there and it seems like a big group is coming through. I might get a little crazy with the whole hold doors open thing.

And I always appreciate it when doors are held open for me. I always say thank you when someone holds a door open for me. I don’t care if they’ve held it open thirty feet ahead of me. I’m just grateful that they are polite and civilized enough, at this point in modern life, to have not let the door slam back in my face I guess.

The door flying back in the face move is just plain cold, however if someone is waiting, holding the door 30 feet away I feel obligated to try to walk faster so they don’t have to stand there watching me . I already am going as fast as I should so picking up the pace isn’t something I like. I think the long distance door holders my be self conscience to the point if they don’t make the extra effort and wait it out they will be thought of as rude.

@woodcutter LOL. It’s a very tough world out there, for those of us who believe in door holding, there’s a lot of stress involved and a lot of awkward moments. Other people don’t understand that. :-)

@Sunny2 : “Selling me insurance. I was just told recently that salespeople sell because they really think they are doing you a favor to sell you their product.”

No they don’t. They get commission on every sale, they’re just after the money. I’ve been in sales and had to pretend like their product was the greatest thing on earth when really I thought it was a load of overpriced useless rubbish. All sales people (except retail) get paid commission because the job sucks so much that if there was no commission, nobody would bother doing it.

Child minding. I will take a close look at how you treat your own kids before I let you mind mine. It is not a favour if my kid comes back to me wilded-eyed, uncontrollable and full of junk food.

@Coloma I don’t really care what people’s intentions are. I do care that I’m not forced to have a different relationship than one I willingly opt into for fear of being seen as “ungrateful”.

Removed by me.

Offering to drive me a long distance, in their non-smoking car. It’s really nice of them to want to share the ride and do the driving, but it’s like torture to me if I can’t smoke.

@lillycoyote You say it is not about a man holding a door open for a woman, and then you launch into all these scenerios where someone probably could use a little help with the door. How about the 30 year old guy who looks strong and able? I just found that funny. I hold the door for everyone immediately behind me. If they look perfectly able I rarely hold it if they are still several steps away. Holding the door is for two reasons in my opinion, helping someone who truly needs help with the door, and making sure the door does not slam back in someone’s face. The latter is the more likely scenerio throughout the day, and so that only applies to people right behind us.

If it is a busy doorway, I don’t think you need to be the person to hold the door and signal to someone kind of still far away that you are holding the door for them. They feel pressure to move faster. Someone else will help them when they get to the door. If it is someone who obviously looks like they will not be able to handle the door easily on their own, and there are not many people using the door, then I would hold the door and wait patiently for them, but still I kind of gauge how fast their pace is. I might actually ask, “can I hold the door for you?” And they can answer back if they want me to or not.

@Fly I have to agree that is annoying. I think sometimes it is even unsafe, depending on the traffic.

@woodcutter Drink some of mine. I don’t like when people offer to share their food or drink with me. Yours is probably the winner for me so far in the list of “favors.” I had a friend who would just take my glass and drink out of it without asking! I couldn’t drink through the rest of my meal, or I would order a different drink.

The worst thing has to be birthday parties at work. Ugh! Embarrassing! All these people that don’t really like you singing happy birthday and you have to be all gracious and thankful! Thanks but no thanks! !

@downtide: LOL. I received a phone call once from a salesman. I always ask, to speed things up, “What are you selling?” He said “I’m not selling anything. I’m trying to save you money.” I said “I dont’ want to save money. I like spending it.” Then I hung up on him.

Lending me a book I have zero interest in is at the top of my list. I used to feel as though I needed to accept the book in order to be polite only to be faced with the inevitable questions about how well I liked a book I had no interest in to begin with. Ugh. Nowadays I just come out and say I don’t have time to read for pleasure.

@Aethelflaed It makes me crazy when people give me their old clothes that are 30 years old and three sizes too big. I politely take the clothes then swing by Goodwill.

It also bothers me when folks all but insist I taste their meal off of their fork. Um yeah, it really grosses me out to eat off someone else’s utensil. I have even had people have their leftover food shoveled into my take home container for me to enjoy later. All that accomplishes is that I throw it all away the first chance I get.

As for holding the door, I am always self-conscious when someone holds it open for what feels like an eternity while I cover the fifty feet between me and the entrance. In those instances I always feel like I have to speed up and get to the door as quickly as possible. Holding the door can be a challenging dance to choreograph. It is incredibly impolite to let the door shut in the face of someone immediately behind you, but it is a little silly to spend the fifteen minutes holding the door open for everyone in the general vicinity.

One thing that really bothers me is when someone offers to open something for me like a bag of chips or a bottle. If I needed their help I would ask, but I can always get the open on my own. Once someone even snatch a bag out of my hands and opened it for me, but that just ticked me off.

@SuperMouse Eww I’m quite a germaphobe so I would never want anyone to mix their food in with mine or eat from their fork. I also don’t like it when someone offers me a cookie or something and they hand it over to me with their grubby hand.

@woodcutter I can never share a drink either except with my sister on occasion, usually only if I’m desperate for a drink.

It’s uber annoying when someone tucks the tag sticking up from the back of my shirt in. It’s bad enough if a person does it while we are talking. It freaks the daylights out of me when someone behind me does it. The worst is if it is a stranger.

This is not a life-threatening matter. It can wait. You can tell me about it. I’m quite capable of handling the task myself. Maybe I just need to cut all of the tags off.

On another website, there was a long thread that essentially said “What little, evil pleasure do you enjoy?” One of the top answers was a guy that said he enjoyed holding the door open for someone that was further away and watching them hustle, lol.

In my opinion, I don’t like people either faking or genuinely being excited about my birthday. I don’t need or want the attention.

The door thing can be annoying. You may be heading for one door, in a side by side set, but some guy coming in feels he has to hold open the door he’s coming in through, which is NOT the door you’re moving toward, so you have to change trajectory so that….he won’t feel bad? I don’t like that, Sam I Am.

Also, when you pull up to a four way stop and some guy on the other side has done been stopped for several seconds when you pull up, then you sit there looking at each other and the other guy waves you on. That’s stupid. It wastes everybody’s time.

Or, conversely, if you’re at an unmarked intersection and there is another car coming that looks like it’s going to get to the intersection before you, and you come to a full stop to let them through…and THEY come to a full stop too. Then that whole “You go first” shit happens. I hate that. I’M ALREADY STOPPED ALREADY! JUST GO!!

I was stopped at a stop sign the other day, when dude came up on my left, stopped and tried to wave me on through. I jabbed my finger at my stop sign. Grrrr.

Interestingly enough, I’ve found that the thing that tends to make the other people go already, is to look steadfastly away from them….

When my neighbor brings over asparagus from his garden. After 3 full bags I really don’t need or want any more.

When one of the guys insists on buying me a beer. If I want one, I’ll get it myself.

Well..better to be a little too friendly and considerate than not enough IMO. Forcing unwanted stuff on others aside. I hold doors for people too, compliment strangers, and think spreading a little good cheer around is important. One of my pet peeves are people who do not pull all the way forward at the gas pumps and make you wait or have to circle around and back in to get to the nozzle on the side of your car where your tank is.

I always complement people that are considerate enough to move up a pump instead of just stopping at the first one oblivious to others.
I take everything in stride and don’t sweat the small stuff.
I guess it’s the difference between being an optimist and a pessamist a lot of the time.

I am not looking to find fault wherever I go.

1. Advice, ’ therapy’, ugh. Shut up, dear friend.
2. Here, taste it! taste it! you’ve got to taste it!
3. Clothes and shoes bought from the goodwill that I end up taking right back to the goodwill dropbox.

@Pied_Pfeffer Re the tag on your shirt…that reminds of of a funny story I read in the The Reader’s Digest once. Mom noticed that her 14 year old son started walking around with the tag on his shirt sticking out all the time. She tucked it back in one day. He promptly untucked it and said “Hey Mom! Leave it alone! It’s a great way to meet girls, because they always want to tuck it in for me!”

@downtide Yeah, I know that is true, but there are people who think they are doing you a favor if they believe in their product, like insurance, or health foods or religion or some get rich quick scheme. I don’t want to hear about it, thank you.

@Coloma Well, then I guess you’re better than everyone else on this thread. Glad we cleared that up.

And now, for more “favors”.

@Aethelflaed Yep, she is! Well…just about. She’s right behind me. :)

To help me cook and then not take direction as to what I need done. I’d rather do it myself and not shortcut. This is a big threat for holiday food, the odds go up if a group of people are coming and hoping for a “signature” dish.

The “I’ll pick you up so we can drive together and not waste gas”. I hate being late and it seems most people are usually running late.

When at a restaurant in mixed company where it’s assumed all will split the bill, there’s always someone who will chirp up about “I’m just going to get water… a salad… an appetizer, etc.” It makes the rest of us suddenly feel awkward to order what we wanted and had intended to put in a fair share for because one person doesn’t really want to participate.

When someone offers to pick up groceries real quick. Sour cream comes home as fat free farking yogurt, plain black peppercorns come home as some schmancy mixed herb blend, a particular tried and true brand of TP comes home as a paltry 4pack of single ply mystery fluff.

@Neizvestnaya Funny, my husband and I complain when people order alcoholic drinks and then decide the table is just going divide up the bill equally. Usually people at the table don’t let us put in as much since we don’t drink, but not always. I never thought for a second the other side of it that people might feel uncomfortable if someone orders a salad and water. I would in the end not let them pay as much as everyone else.

@JLeslie: This is what ends up happening, we know we will tell that person we are only collecting on the amount of whatever they order so they can order what they like but we still end up feeling weird, almost gluttonous if we want a cocktail and dessert after. We tell ourselves we love our buddy for the company and not what they eat ;)

I have never heard of splitting a bill “evenly.” I’ve only experienced either one person offering to pay it all, or they give us separate bills.

@Dutchess_III my mommy buddies and I used to split the bill evenly. We rarely drank and figured that it all came out even in the end. Occasionally one of us would have a glass of wine, but there was never any heavy ordering of alcohol so it was not a big deal to us. The system worked out pretty well for us for many years.

Splitting the bill like that in Norway is almost unheard of. Everyone pays for their own. It is so expensive to eat out you almost have to mortgage your home.

@Dutchess_III It doesn’t happen too often, but it does happen. A lot of times it is a big group of people and sorting through a lot of charges on a bill would be tedious. In MD and NY and FL we many times picked up each others checks if it was just two of us. If it was more people we kind of threw in what each of us owed, never counting pennies though. In NC and TN almost everyone does separate checks.

@Neizvestnaya You just reminded me of another one. People who have come to your house for Xmas or Thanksgiving dinner and insist on helping you clean up. Usually that means that they bring in dishes covered in gravy and mashed potatoes, stack them randomly all over the kitchen and then proceed to put the crystal goblets on top of those, right into the gravy! I have a very meticulous system for cleaning up dinner dishes that makes it much easier for me. It’s very efficient, and when a guest starts changing the system (in my very small kitchen) it makes it much more difficult and time consuming and stressful for me. Especially when they won’t take no for an answer and I end up with a bunch of people in my teeny-tiny kitchen putting dirty dishes everywhere when I’m trying to put away left-overs and scrape and rinse the dishes before they get stacked everywhere.

@Kardamom. They way around this is to actually have a full blown tantrum. You start in a normal tone of voice and get louder and louder until you’re literally screaming! That way you can sort of work your way into it; “I SAID NO DAMMIT!” Then just scream random stuff that comes into your head. Let your body go completely limp and fall to the floor, then start kicking and flailing your fists! Try to get a really deep, movie type demonic voice; GEEEEEET OUUUUUUUWWWWWWWT!”
Have fun with it.

@Trillian that little gem is pretty much the way around all of these conundrums! Of course one has to watch for the occasional punch in the mouth but isn’t that a small price to pay to keep from having to pretend to read a book you have no interest in?

@SuperMouse Sounds like a fair trade. Also worth the ability to look oneself in the eye when one washes one’s face in the morning.

@Aethelflaed Haha..very funny, you take offense at NICE people, well bah humbug back atcha’.

I had the BEST time in line at the grocery store yesterday bantering with a really nice woman that offered to let me go in front of her as I only had a hand basket with some salad fixins’. She mirrored me perfectly and we were in the flow for about 5 solid minutes joking and making witty remarks and laughing. I always notice the grumpy ones, the women in front of us didn’t even crack a smile at all the fun.
Must suck to be an Eeyore all the time. Woe are the little grumpy asses of the planet.

@Coloma make huge assumptions much? Who are you to say that because these people didn’t get into your “flow” and “mirror” you and and new found friend they must be grumpy and are “Eeyore all the time.” That sounds judgmental at the least and rather mean at the worst. Woe are those who assume someone is a “little grumpy ass” because they don’t smile at a conversation they were not involved in, and may not consider it fun to banter with someone in a grocery line.

@Coloma I can’t say that I’ve been in a grocery store, at least for the past five years or so without having a lovely conversation with someone in line or in the produce aisle or in the baking aisle. I often go up to older folks and just say something like, “Hmm what’s for dinner tonight?” or “Wow! Those berries sure look good. What are you going to make?” Both men and women alike seem to appreciate having someone, anyone to talk to. I often end up having a 20 minute conversation, even if I only came in for one quick thing.

I’m an equal opportunity conversationalist, though. I will also strike up conversations with sullen looking young people, and they ultimately end up smiling and talking and laughing, but initially I think they are shocked that a middle aged woman would even think of talking to them. I found out that one group of fellows (they looked kind of like hoodlums and had bottles of Boone’s Farm and Ripple wine) were actually young entrepreneurs who were venturing into the fruit wine business. They wanted to sample the poor quality fruit wines, so they could see what needed to be done to improve the flavor and the image of fruit wines. One of them lived on a farm where his parents were growing peaches and nectarines other stone fruits, his parents were helping him and the other fellows were going into business with him. They had already done a lot of experimentation with flavors (they already had their wine making production kitchen/distillery or whatever you call it set up) and had talked to several local restaurants about carrying their products once they were perfected. And here I was, at first, thinking they were just young frat boys looking for a cheap buzz.

And I remember one older lady, we were talking about vegetables or something, when she ultimately opened up to me about her concern about her recent operation (getting her prolapsed lady parts cinched up with vaginal mesh) and she had done some research about the different brands of mesh, and thankfully hers was not on the recent recall list. This gal was lively and funny and smart and friendly and optimistic. It was one of the best conversations I’ve ever had. And I think she would have loved the guys with the winery!

Although I’m sure some jellies reading this will think these conversations were a horrible waste of my time : (

@Kardamom You’re my kinda woman! I’m right there with you.
@SuperMouse Hey, whoa there…I am simply saying that I find it strange when someone is stone faced in the middle of a bit of fun. I don’t expect everyone to mirror me, I DO think it odd that there are so many sourpusses out there that can’t even crack a smile without their face shattering.

I think there should be a “special” line for grumpy people. Ya know, it could be called ” antisocial” checkout. Right next to “cheerful checkout.” lolol

@Kardamom personally I don’t see those conversations as a waste of time in the least. I think it is very sweet that you want to reach out to people and strike up conversations. If I may be so bold, I also think that when you encounter someone who isn’t interested in conversation you smile politely and do not judge that person.

There are plenty of times I am out and about that I speak to strangers, strike up conversations, and warmly welcome chatting. There are other times when there is a lot on my mind, when I am having a rough day (I know that must sound inconceivable to those who insist they are consistently upbeat), I have stopped on my way to work, or for whatever reason I am focused on getting things done. I am polite without fail and help out when I see help is needed, but sometimes I am the women in front of @Coloma during her recent grocery store trip, I mind my own business and get the job done. That does not make me an Eeyore.

@Coloma not cracking a smile doesn’t make someone grumpy or antisocial!. You are all about Meyers-Briggs personality types, you should know that an introvert might be uncomfortable in that situation. I am seriously disappointed that you insist on labeling people in that way. How does it follow your “be upbeat” mantra to be so judgmental? Maybe there should be a “non judgmental checkout” right next to the one for grumps.

I’ve had a lot of serious stuff going on in my life over the last 4 years or so, that is precisely why I changed the way I am. I used to be very quiet, not exactly shy, but I would never have dared to spark up a conversation with a stranger. And because of the stuff that was/is going on in my life, it seemed better to just keep to myself.

But then I realized that one of my best friends, who has had way more worse things going on in her life, for as long as I can remember is also one of the nicest and happiest people I know. Then I looked at the way she behaves. She looks upon every person as a potential friend. She’s not intrusive (and I don’t think I am either) but she always says something to whomever she happens to be standing next to, whether it’s on the bus or in line at the grocery store, or in line at the agency where she had to go to fill out forms to take custody of her 3 grandchildren (because her daughter is sick). Even if it’s just to acknowledge their presence. Usually she just points out something that is obvious or something they have in common, or something that might be a little bit funny or silly or she asks if she can help the other person to hold something heavy, or get the door for them or help them to fill out a form, whatever. People gravitate to her, because she’s simply friendly and kind and amusing. She’s not trying to force anyone out of their grump or force anyone to stop thinking about their own troubles, but you’d be surprised, that’s exactly what happens when she talks to them.

I’ve tried to emulate her behavior, and I’ve found that by putting myself out there to other people, in a casual friendly way, that I’ve become less focused on my own troubles. And hopefully, in my own small way, I’ve given a stranger a few minutes, or even 20 minutes, where they too, didn’t have to give all of their attention to their troubles.

It’s pretty obvious when other people don’t want to have a conversation, I don’t intrude on those people.

But I’ve met some of the nicest people and had some of the most interesting conversations (and even made a few new friends) with people because I was willing to give, or take a few minutes of my time. And I made a conscious decision to be that way, because for me, the alternative was rather grim.

Is it possible to be somewhere on the middle of the extremes here? Depending on my mood I may or may not engage in conversation with strangers in the store. But I do not EVER speak loudly, and I deplore people who insist on acting as if the entire area wants to be a part of their banal conversations. As if we were all just in suspended animation until they arrived on the scene. I feel that there are many people who are “on” or putting on a show. I don’t engage with them. I also don’t speak to people who are acting in a way that is counter to how I act. People who are ridiculously indulging a screaming brat of a child, all the while talking for the benefit of anyone who may happen to overhear, trying to make eye contact or be clever is one example. I have nothing to say to that person. I’m doing well not to roll my eyes or give a Lurch type shudder.
I don’t feel that this makes me grumpy, this just means I don’t feel compelled to talk to stupid people.
I will have conversations and make random small talk quite readily with strangers, but I insist on acting in a manner which defines “me”. I simply cannot, for the sake of conformity, be loud and boisterous, or squawk about my personal business. I don’t judge them, I just avoid them.

@SuperMouse My checkout line crack was humor…knock, knock, not judgment. Maybe not a bad idea really, separate those that wish to engage a bit from those that just want to take care of business.
I don’t wear my emotions on my sleeve, and no matter what’s going on in my personal life I am always able to be friendly, cheerful and nice to others. Being an introvert has nothing to do with flashing a quick smile. I completely respect introverts, I don’t respect grouchy people and yep, I am a Meyers Briggs fan and therefore I know the “types” I’m the best blend with, and grouchy don’t make the list. lol

Well…onward and upward. :-D

@Coloma Sorry, but you really don’t understand introverts as well as you think you do if you think that not feeling the need to “flash a quick smile” or to be outwardly friendly is akin to being grouchy.

@Fly Well, the world needs more cheerful, happy, playful people that reach out regardless of temperament, and that’s a FACT! ;-)

What is with the bitching today??

I’m only responding to the bitching, I am the bitchee not the bitcher lolol

@Coloma You know, for someone who is “always able to be friendly, cheerful and nice to others”, you seem to spend a lot of time telling others that they’re really grouchy Eeyores, sourpusses, anti-social, and little grumpy asses for having a little joke thread in which people admitted that actions with good intent can still sometimes be mildly irritating. Seems like the friendly, cheerful, nice thing to do would not so much be to name-call and degenerate the psyches of others, so much as to simply realize that a thread does not speak to you and move along.

@cazzie Normally, splitting the bill happens when we ordered within 2 dollars of each other, which can happen a lot when entrees are all priced the same.

How did this topic change so drastically to grouchy people/cheery people/people who appear grouchy but insist they not be judged? I discovered there are HUGE cultural differences as to what looks grouchy to one person and was is simple nonchalance. Like what passes for normal and what is considered rude. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s4ORBVOFExc

@Aethelflaed Quit already!

@Dutchess_III I totally hear you, but man oh man, there really is a need to back off the calling people grumpy, grouchy, etc. just because they don’t fit someone else’s idea of cheerful! I totally would not have joined in with @Coloma‘s grocery store conversation and I think it is insulting to consider me a sourpuss or not cheerful because of it! There seems to be a reluctance to admit that it isn’t ok for some, even someone who is unrelentingly upbeat, to judge others so harshly. The whole live and let live thing really falls down when it comes with so much judgment.