Social Question

chelle21689's avatar

Do you think someone gets complimented on this much?

Asked by chelle21689 (7648points) May 21st, 2012

Okay, so I have this friend that all my other friends and family hate because they think she’s conceited and brings me down. But I’ve been friends with her since I was a kid and it’s hard to burn bridges. But I hang out with her less although she keeps wanting to chat.

When I talk to her, I swear it’s like she is always bragging about herself OR depressed about her love life. She easily gets dates but no one wants her as a girlfriend after a month. I honestly think it’s her conceitedness. She’s been single for over 2 years and wanting a husband. We’re both 23.

Anyways, she tells me stuff like in ONE conversation (this is often though)
“So some random stranger was like “OMG you’re so pretty!” and I wanted to say thanks but it didn’t matter.”
“My personal trainer said I had a really nice ass and that she wants to get plastic surgery like mine. I was like okay umm awkward”
“I had this friend who was super nice to me. She confessed she had the hots for me and only went out with pretty girls”
“This guy was gay but even he said my ass was nice”
“I think she’s nice to me because i’m pretty”
“I think no one is hitting on me because they’re intimidated by me”

Don’t get me wrong, she is cute. But not gorgeous to get comments like that so often. Idk how she gets that much attention! What are some good responses to bruise her ego and bring her down a notch? lol When she starts to talk like this I just tune it out and change subject.

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17 Answers

gailcalled's avatar

The best revenge is to ignore her or tell her you need to change the subject when she starts this stuff.

“Not interested, girlfriend. Let’s talk about me. Or, how about them Mets?”

Bruising her ego and bringing her down a notch is not good for your psyche or mental health. Always take the high road.

So, how ‘bout them Mets?

Blackberry's avatar

“Wow, you are just so hot, you could literally be president.”

6rant6's avatar

@gailcalled Wow. Friend since childhood. First thing that springs to my mind is “what would be the best revenge.”

Her conversation may be annoying (we can talk about things that are merely annoying, right?) or boring. You don’t live in a glass house do you? I mean, you don’t have any imperfections left to work on, do you?

Jesus, she’s obviously insecure. The last thing to do is convince her that she’s not attractive. What she needs to know is that you don’t value her because of her looks. And that you do value her.

chelle21689's avatar

@blackberry, good one LOL

Pied_Pfeffer's avatar

Some friendships just need to be retired.

Unless she is asking you for advice, then this is her way of venting, delusional or not. If you want to keep her as a friend, it seems like there are two options: either learn to move past these comments (which seems like it is difficult for you to do) or give her some unsolicited advice. Be kind about how this message and your opinion is presented.

Take advantage of the opportunity when she makes statements like, “I think no one is hitting on me because they’re intimidated by me” For me, that would be an open invitation to to ask, “Would you like to know what I think?”

chelle21689's avatar

I do give advice. Some people tell me I need to tell her straight out she doesn’t have a man because of she talks a lot about herself… but I think she’ll take great offense to that and think I’m jealous.

My sis said she probably has issues within herself that is why she talks about herself so much and her looks.

JLeslie's avatar

I would say the next time she wonders out loud why people don’t like her, or why guys are not asking her out, ask her, “do you want my honest advice?” If she says yes, then tell it is because she needs to be more modest, and not be going on about her nice ass and how pretty she is. She needs to take compliments graciously, and move on, not repeat them.

Being mean to her, or porposefully bringing her down a notch is not how you should feel about it if you are good friends. She probably is very insecure. She might say those things looking for you to comment on those things too, she is very needy it seems to me. Not that you should say those things to her. But, you can say to her that she will appear more confident and self assured to people if she does not do those things. The way she is acting makes her seem self centered, bragging, and like she enjoys making others feel inadequate and bad, and so she is not attracting people that way, but pushing them away.

Pied_Pfeffer's avatar

@chelle21689 Your sister could be spot on. The ‘some people’ may be wrong. Maybe it irks them, but appearance sure seems to be an obsession with a lot of people. Fortunately, not all talk about their looks, how important it is to them, and how they perceive it affects others.

Since you have given her advice in the past, assuming it is in regards to this topic, maybe it’s time to sit her down and tell her how you really feel. Politely, but firmly, of course. It may be a bitter dose for her to swallow. It might end the friendship. But I’d be willing to bet that she will appreciate the feedback in the long run.

jca's avatar

Maybe she’s not being totally honest. Most people don’t go around throwing compliments at people all the time. Unless she’s totally drop dead gorgeous, I am doubtful she’s getting all those nice comments.

I would find a friend like this to be tiring. I don’t know if I could tolerate all that bragging so much.

I have coworkers who brag all the time and I can’t stand it. “Me, me me, I, I, I” is all they talk about. Who wants to hear about that all the time when there’s a whole world of stuff to talk about?

Trillian's avatar

Why even hang areound a boring person like that. Sounds like a continual need to have her ego stroked. Yawn.

marinelife's avatar

I would say, “Shut Up, I’m tired of hearing about you and your looks so much.”

I would also dump her.

Coloma's avatar

She’s a narcissist and needs constant feedback to prop up her fragile ego. The girl needs to get REAL, but, it’s her journey. Maybe one day she’ll wake up and realize she’s a needy little shit, but, I wouldn’t hold my breath.

On the other hand, HEALTHY self admiration and self esteem is a good thing, nothing wrong with SHARING your happy moments but not in a baiting sort of way because you NEED the ego strokes.

dabbler's avatar

I’d probably give her some reassuring feedback like “You really don’t have to worry about your looks ALL THE TIME.” ...which is what she’s doing if she’s talking about her looks all the time.
And “You’re pretty good company when you get past your insecurity.” (i.e. suggest she get past her insecurity.)

chelle21689's avatar

I gave her some guy advice yesterday and I saw her facebook status today. Psh, I thought my advice was unbiased and tried to be real. Sorry if I don’t sugar coat it. “Kinda wish I had friends who gave good advice (not biased and sexist). Gotta just depend on myself, like usual. Gym time.”

I think I’m slowly going away from her though. As I mentioned we don’t talk or hang out often. She notices and keeps saying, “I feel like I never see you anymore” She thinks it’s because I am clinged to my bf haha.

6rant6's avatar

Sorry to see you lose a long time friend. Maybe things will get better.

Nimis's avatar

No need to bruise her ego. Already sounds like she’s got a whole bunch of insecurities under all of that.

I’d say:
Don’t you get tired of people talking about your looks? There’s more to you than that.

Unless there isn’t. In which case, I’d bail because that conversation is a drag.

chelle21689's avatar

Smh, she just said I gave bad advice when I tried to be helpful

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