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nikipedia's avatar

Hypothetical: Would you forgive someone under these circumstances?

Asked by nikipedia (27519points) May 23rd, 2012

Suppose your long-time partner starts behaving very erratically, and engages in a very public, hurtful, and embarrassing affair. As you are packing up your house and family to leave, your partner comes home from the doctor and explains that s/he has just been diagnosed with a brain tumor. The tumor is removed, and your partner is both very sick and racked with guilt.

Do you think you would be able to forgive your partner? Would you want to?

Inspired by an ostensibly true story. A similar, verified case of a pedophile whose urges were attributed to a brain tumor was documented a few years ago.

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22 Answers

DrBill's avatar

yes. Forgiveness iis good for the soul

SpatzieLover's avatar

Yes. I had a very good childhood friend die of an inoperable brain tumor, so it may be that I am forever inclined to understand what an immense change can take place neurologically with this type of growth.

Coloma's avatar

I’d forgive them, especially under those circumstances but, it would be an ultra heavy load, don’t know if I could shoulder it.

Trillian's avatar

I’d like to believe that I would take the high road and forgive.

Neizvestnaya's avatar

I would feel awful for my partner and I would want to forgive but I’m not experienced with successful forgiving so it would be a gamble. I would be angry for the hurt and shame shown the kids probably more than if it had just been me.

For sure, it’s harder to turn my back on someone I love than to change the dynamics of the relationship so it may never be a marriage again but my partner would still be in my life for the sake of the children as they grow.

tedd's avatar

Man… that would be a tough pill to swallow… But if there was a circumstance where it was forgivable, that would probably be it. Tumors can definitely alter a persons personality and cause them to do things they probably wouldn’t have normally.

bkcunningham's avatar

Question. If a brain tumor alters your behavior, does having it removed alter your behavior back to how it was pre-tumor? That doesn’t sound right to me.

Pied_Pfeffer's avatar

Absolutely yes on both counts (being able to forgive and wanting to) in this scenario. When the SO and I finally get married, we both plan to take the “For better or worse; in sickness and in health” vow seriously. If we had any doubt, we would just live together.

marinelife's avatar

I think that I would be able to.

gondwanalon's avatar

If being “racked with guilt” means that he has offered you a genuine sincere apology, (only) then I would forgive him.

wundayatta's avatar

Having been forgiven under similar circumstances, I hope I would also be forgiving, should my wife have a brain tumor that changes her behavior. As it happens, she is depressed, so I am getting a chance to show my caring.

Having said that, it is my impression that no matter what people say, forgiveness is not as likely as it might seem. I think that the American culture sees infidelity as worse than anything other than murder or child molestation (and I’m not sure about child molestation), and people here are less forgiving of infidelity than almost anything else.

I don’t believe that, in general, people will behave as if a brain tumor excuses the behavior, no matter what they might say. In their guts, I don’t think most people will believe it. It will be too hard to forgive. They just won’t be able to, in the end.

Kardamom's avatar

I would hope so. My childhood friend’s mother died of a brain tumor, which went un-diagnosed for many years because she didn’t “believe” in doctors. She was a real nice lady who started acting very strangely and erraticly when we were in our late teens. Everyone thought she was going crazy, but her husband, also a nice man who didn’t believe in doctors, didn’t take her to a doctor until it was way too late. She spent about 15 years in a nursing home before succumbing.

Sunny2's avatar

Yes, forgive. How much you want to be involved with your former partner is a different matter. That’s a matter of conscience only you can answer. At least be sympathetic and willing to listen. Brain tumors can, indeed, cause personality changes.

augustlan's avatar

I would certainly be inclined to, and hope that I would forgive. The relationship would probably be forever impacted by the whole thing (both the affair and the tumor), but I would do my level best not to let it be ruined by it.

bkcunningham's avatar

Does he have a good life insurance policy and is it fatal?

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

Of course I’d forgive him. I care more about him than other people’s opinions.

Blackberry's avatar

Yep. I’d forgive the shit outta that guy.

MilkyWay's avatar

Yes, I would.
Even if the guy had nicked my chocolate.

judochop's avatar

I will always forgive however that does not mean necessarily that I would want to be close to that person again.

josie's avatar

Might as well forgive. The brain tumor is probably going to eventually take care of any long term problems the affair might have created. Not trying to be shitty, but what does one have to lose at that point?

filmfann's avatar

If all those bad things suddenly happened, it would be hard not to hope it was a brain tumor.

You should immediately forgive them.

OpryLeigh's avatar

Without being in that position I can’t say for sure but whilst I think I could forgive, I would probably struggle to continue having a romantic relationship with them. I don’t think I would turn my back on them though, and I would probably find it easier to support them if I wasn’t in a romantic relationship with them.

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