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jamzzy's avatar

How do you deal with a broken heart?

Asked by jamzzy (885points) May 29th, 2008

my girlfriend wanted time after 1 year of doing everything together. She says her feelings are almost gone while i still feel the same way about her. I know i can get back with her later in the future but she thinks she needs time and i dont want time. what should i do

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18 Answers

DS's avatar

Unfortunetly there isn’t any cure to cope with a breaking up. With time the pain will be less and less raw.but I’m not quite sure she’ll be back with you.

FiRE_MaN's avatar

all you can do is wait and try not to get angry. Music usually helps me. A song like Heartbroke by The Good Life might help. Good luck

wildflower's avatar

Acknowledge and accept the situation and how you feel about it.
It’s OK to be hurt, it’s OK to be sad.
Once you stop fighting your feelings, it will be easier to let them go and focus on other things that can make you feel better, like hobbies, work, family and friends.

Over time it will get easier, but not until you stop fighting the pain. You must allow yourself to feel it before you can get over it.

pplufthesun's avatar

Duct tape and Super Glue.

bulbatron9's avatar

Needle & Thread

mirza's avatar

There is a really nice episode of This American Life on Break-Ups

marinelife's avatar

I’m sorry that happened jamzzy. If she wants to break up, there is not much you can do. As others have said, it’s going to hurt, and you just need to feel that hurt. Holding on to the promise that she might want to get back together is not such a great idea. It keeps you from healing and being able at some point to move on.

No one knows what she will do after some time passes. Right now you need to focus on you.

If she does come back in the future, you will then be in a better place to decide if she is right for you.

Good luck.

GD_Kimble's avatar

step 1.
Get together with a trusted friend, and say aloud everything you’re feeling, unedited, not holding back..but put a time limit on it. Say, give yourself an day or two to rant a rave, boo hoo if needed. After that don’t talk about it. I’m no saying don’t feel how you feel, but at some point venting becomes wallowing.

step 2.
Don’t talk to her. At all. No calls, no text, no emails, nothing… for a MINIMUM of two months. If she calls you, explain that you can’t talk to her for a while, because it’s not fair for either of you. You’re in very different places emotionally, and the sound of her voice right now to you equals hope. Yours doesn’t mean the same to her. Sorry, but it’s true.. if she said her feelings for you are “almost gone”, that’s not something that tends to change. People fall in love, and out of love.. almost never “back in love”. Every conversation you’d have, subconciously, would hopefully be the one where she changes her mind. It won’t be. If she’s reaches out to you, it’s because she A) does care about your felings AS A FRIEND, and B) She feels guilty. Don’t mistake it for anythin else.

step 3.
Stay busy.
Build a nice full life around yourself. Get new hobbies, rediscover ones, nurture neglected friendships. You have to fill that space in your life where she is (was) with PRODUCTIVE things. If you’re have any hope of getting her back… you have to become the kind of guy that she would WANT back.. and that’s not going to be a guy that’s sitting around waiting for her. Move forward. Get stronger, become more interesting. Do something- but for yourself, it can’t be with the objective of getting her back. If it happens, think of it as a happy accident.

LunaFemme's avatar

What helps me is lots of random, anonymous sex. I don’t even want to know the other persons name. For me, I need to feel powerful & beautiful & want lots of ego stroking to help deal with the hurt of being rejected.

This is probably not the healthiest approach, I acknowledge that. Also just allow yourself the freedom to grieve whatever way is best for you. It’s different for everyone & u will definitely go through all the various staged of grief for awhile.

jamzzy's avatar

thanks soooooooo much for the help guys. its just been tough and if i were to see her with someone else id freak and i wouldnt know what to do with myself

Bub's avatar

Can’t really add more but just wanted to say, hang in there!

JasonH's avatar

jamzzy, were in the same boat bud. and lately iv just been researching the internet “Reading” and so far its helped :) a little.

purplepassion's avatar

I have no idea I wish someone would tell me. I have been in a living hell since my boyfriend and I broke up. I can’t even function on a daily basis without at least one major break down.

jamzzy's avatar

who wouldve thought that lil wayne would make me feel better. the song something you forgot is great. music has been helping me. not so much love songs or the songs that scream IM SORRY or TAKE ME BACK. songs about things other than love and heart break but something you forgot was nice.

LunaFemme's avatar

I’m glad that you have found something that helps you. It’s different for everyone and the key is finding what works for you.

themherme's avatar

In all seriousness you should take this time to realize that you are worth something, you know. Don’t ever let anyone feel bad for feeling sad, that’s part of the healing, you have to use this as a chance to grow. You learn from mistakes and you learn that every action has a reaction. You can’t ever make some one love you and the more you try the more you push the other person away. I know that’s not what you want to hear but the truth of the matter is that if the two of you do get back together it will never be the same. There will always be questions of why, there will always be a lack of trust and in the back of your mind this occurance will be on a constant cycle of repeat. Love hurts sometimes, but when you do find the right one you will know it and it will be the greatest ever, and this chick won’t even compare or cross your mind.
Hope we could help some, heartbreak is never fun dude, but gettin some might help too lol, rebounds usually are fun lol.

trumi's avatar

Thank you all for your answers. They are helping quite a lot.

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