Social Question

Charles's avatar

Why do women start the majority of divorces?

Asked by Charles (4815points) May 27th, 2012

Here’s an article about the subject.

Statistics show it is much more likely for the wife to file for divorce 70% to 30% for the husband.
Why is this ?

Adultery is split 50/50 between the sexes as a reason to file for divorce,so I know its not that. So what is it?

Are we men just so bad at it?

Are a women’s expectations just too high?

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29 Answers

wallabies's avatar

Probably cuz men are douchebags.

Dutchess_III's avatar

Wait…you really don’t know? It’s because women tend to “take care” their husband, but they don’t get the same caring in return. The wives get ignored, or worse, abused. That’s why most men are unhappy with a divorce (because mommy-wife is gone) and women tend to be happier after a divorce. Not so much disappointment and frustration.

nikipedia's avatar

Do you have a source for your statement that men and women are equally likely to engage in infidelity?

Neizvestnaya's avatar

I’ve no statistics, just what I’ve seen over the years in married people I’ve known:

Men and women may cheat equally but more often, the men chose to also stay married until the adultery was discovered and then the wife always filed for divorce. The women who cheated mostly filed for divorce soon after starting the cheating.

Personally, I also agree with @Dutchess_III that I’ve not seen so many women get the attention, support and care they give to their husbands.

Coloma's avatar

My therapist told me years ago before I divorced my ex that ” men come and go, they want you, they don’t want you, but they always return in the end.”
BUT..when a woman goes she almost never returns.”

It’s because most women give 5000% and when we are done, we are DONE!
It is true, something like 90% of all divorces are initiated by women.
Best thing I ever did, I know that for certain! lol

wallabies's avatar

I agree with everything yall are saying!

Dutchess_III's avatar

^^^ You said it in 5 words!

gailcalled's avatar

@Charles: The article ABC news cited was modestly interesting only;

“Researchers from Indiana University in Bloomington administered questionnaires to more than 900 participants in order to determine the factors that most often lead to infidelity among both sexes.”

The second study, apparently podcast on i09, whatever that is, said “A group of researchers in the Netherlands surveyed a cross-section of 1561 professionals, comparing the sexual infidelities of men and women who identified themselves as having similar careers and similar amounts of power. What the scientists found was that powerful people cheat on their spouses, regardless of gender.”

Where did you get these statistics? Statistics show is not considered valid science.

Statistics show it is much more likely for the wife to file for divorce 70% to 30% for the husband.

Charles's avatar

Where did you get these statistics? Statistics show is not considered valid science.

They’re good enough for Fluther.

Blackberry's avatar

It’s just my uneducated opinion, but I think marriage is tailored more for women. It’s a running joke with some anecdotes, but we always point out how men suck at marriage whether it’s cheating or being emotionally unavailable etc. Then, you have a court system that tends to favor women in divorce and that usually ends up hurting the male (the whole “cheaper to keep her” saying).

It seems there’s more “incentive” for some women to get married, and to get divorced if the marriage doesn’t work out.

JLeslie's avatar

Women are more likely to be lonely, dissappointed, and taken for granted in marriage. Woman fall into the “female” role and cook and clean and care for the family, run themselves ragged and get tired of it. When being married means more work than being divorced, they get out. Being married should mean each partner has less work, everyone pitching in and being supportive. You have probably heard some women say their husband is like a third child. Men many times don’t realize how they sort of demand their wives be a certain way, or how women take on their husband’s desires and aspirations. Then the women one day thinks, what the hell? Am I happy doing this? They don’t just up and leave at that point, but if things don’t change eventually they will.

Also, women have a stronger social network generally. Men meanwhile, even if they get annoyed with their wives, their wife is usually not only their best friend, but their only close friend. The only person they can really confide in. So, leaving their wife is too much of a loss.

elbanditoroso's avatar

Men are more likely to put up with shit. Women feel like they need to change things.

Just look at housecleaning for an example.

gailcalled's avatar

@Charles: Re; your statistics; They’re good enough for Fluther.

That is certainly condescending and allows you to make up any garbage you want in order to present a spurious argument.

Count me out.

hearkat's avatar

In addition to the observations above, I suspect that the woman might be more likely to take the step of actually filing for divorce, because women might feel a greater need for closure before they can move on with their lives. Back when I was dating, it seemed there were many men who were separated but looking to date. To most women Imknow, being separated means that you are still trying to see if it can work out; but it seems that men see it as an opportunity to have it both ways.

josie's avatar

Because in most cases the women get half the marital property, or more, even if they never worked a day during marriage. And the converse is true. In most cases the men pay up, even if they had businesses and an estate prior to marriage. It’s an economic calculation. And I know there are exceptions to this, so you may consider sparing me the lectures about particulary men and women who contradict this generality.

ragingloli's avatar

It is because men consider women their property to do with as they please, while women are more likely to want to get away from abusers and general arses.

ucme's avatar

Because they’re clever buggers whose intuition is usually pin-sharp.

AshLeigh's avatar

This is ridiculous.
Just because women file for a divorce doesn’t mean they caused the divorce, or even that it was their idea.
My father asked my mother for a divorce on her birthday. She filed the papers, yes, but it was his idea.

I agree with @gailcalled: That is certainly condescending and allows you to make up any garbage you want in order to present a spurious argument.

Dutchess_III's avatar

Women are usually willing to compromise. Many men aren’t.

Ponderer983's avatar

Because men usually don’t have the balls to end any kind of relationship.

JLeslie's avatar

@josie Except for my friend who actually pays her ex child support; they have 50/50 custody, but he never cared much about earning a lot of money. And another friend who never saw any child support from her husband, except the one time she had him arrested, and he paid $1,000 to get out of jail. She never bothered toput him in jail again, too stressful. But, I agree for some men it is really annoying to have to give her half. Some states it isn’t half. Another weird thing about our marriage and divorce laws. The breadwinner could plan the divorce in a state where he/she would do better.

Seaofclouds's avatar

I think the women filing for divorce just has to do with the fact that they tend to be the ones that want to get things finalized once it gets to that point. If I wouldn’t have filed for divorce from my ex-husband (after he walked out), we’d probably still be married because he would’ve never filed the paperwork with the court.

Dutchess_III's avatar

LOL @Seaofclouds! Men do procrastinate! Too much paperwork. That may be one of the big reasons women take the husband’s last name…the men couldn’t handle the work of changing their last name!

wundayatta's avatar

Look. Is there a woman out there who thinks a man could stand the pain of giving birth? Getting a divorce, as far as I can tell, is equally painful. Not something a man is likely to want to initiate.

augustlan's avatar

Many of the men I’ve known in my life can’t stand to be alone, and as long as they aren’t flat out miserable, they’ll stick with a bad marriage because of it. (I know a few women like this, too, but it’s definitely a much smaller number). Not relating to divorce, but to illustrate, I’ll give you the example of my grandfather. After a long, happy marriage, his wife (my grandmother) passed away unexpectedly. He was married again in less than a year, to a horrible woman, just because he hated being alone. He eventually did divorce her, but only after she got crazy enough to point a gun at him. Once that was over, he got married again in less than a year to a benignly crazy woman. Even though that relationship was very odd, he stayed in it until he died.

OpryLeigh's avatar

Then, you have a court system that tends to favor women in divorce and that usually ends up hurting the male (the whole “cheaper to keep her” saying). @Blackberry I think you have a point, especially where children are involved. My dad was absolutely shafted when my parents divorced even though my mum had an affair so was “at fault” for the marriage breakdown. She ended up with pretty much everything and my poor dad has only just managed to get to financial stability, 14 years after the divorce.

Paradox25's avatar

I see that this has turned into a male bashing thread, so I’ll give the other side of the argument here. I’m also not sure why your question was attacked, when the info you’ve posted seems pretty accurate to me. Also, from doing some searching on this topic prior to posting here, what you’ve posted does seem true to me about the divorce stats.

Here is a more accurate description on why women initiate the majority of divorces, and from knowing many married couples over the years I tend to agree with this article and their findings. Not so pretty now, eh?

I can’t recall how many men as well get burned here, men that were very decent husbands and fathers. They simply got dumped because they couldn’t ‘satisfy’ their wives sexually and/or emotionally anymore (for whatever reasons). These guys worked very hard for what they had, and got burnt there too when divorce time came. I’m not even going to bring up the custody issue here.

Many men too fall into a male role during any types of relationships, not just marriage, so this isn’t just about female roles. I’ve known guys who played the male role when it came to more hands on work, and did the typical house chores as well. As long as both men and women play into any types of gender roles for whatever reason, such as initiating a relationship, who pays for a date, etc then expect this trend to continue later during the relationship. I write this because I’m always hearing about women falling into traditional gender roles, well you can’t have your cake and eat it here.

I’m sure that there are legitimate reasons why many women initiate divorce, and I’ve personally seen this with my aunt/uncle’s marriage. However, according to the statistics, the reasons for women initiating the majority of these divorces seems less than decent.

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