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ibareitall27's avatar

My life is so out of control right now, what should I do?

Asked by ibareitall27 (8points) May 29th, 2012

So many things have happened in my life these past 2 years. I was happily engaged for 2 years, then broke up with my ex in March this year. I moved out of the state with my then fiance a year ago, but then had to move back home to my parents house. Because I left my good paying job, when I moved back I was fortunate to get my job back, but making only 10.75hr working 6 hrs mon-fri. Was in school for a certificate to become a pharmacy tech, but when I moved back I changed what I was going to school for, for a Graphic Design associates degree. Now my studies are slacking in that. I’m 27 yrs old and still live at home with my parents whom I don’t get along with at all. I’ve convinced myself I can’t afford to move out… or maybe I’m afraid of failing again. I don’t know, someone please tell me what I should do, I feel so lost.

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11 Answers

jrpowell's avatar

What are your goals?

-Finish school?
-Move out?

It sounds like you you need to move out. If you have a job you can probably afford it. You just need to be really fucking cheap and probably get a few roommates. Learn to love pasta and steal condiments and toilet paper from Taco Bell.

You are old enough that you don’t need to put your parents info down on the FAFSA. That covers most of college and will probably get you some additional living money.

Start with tackling the easy problems first. Once you get some momentum you can steamroll through the bigger ones.

Good luck.

Dr_Lawrence's avatar

A few sessions with a counseling psychologist or a clinical psychologist may help you sort out your priorities and fears and get you moving forward with confidence.

lillycoyote's avatar

‘m not sure if anyone here or anyone anywhere can tell you what you should do or should tell you what you should do. When things are overwhelming, you think about everything all at once and feel powerless. All I can suggest is to take it one step a time, to prioritize, try to decide what to deal with and tackle first. Don’t think about everything, all things that seem to have gone wrong, all at once; that can be paralyzing.

And @Dr_Lawrence‘s suggestion is a good one. Perhaps counseling or a therapist might be able to help you sort out you priorities and give you the strength and confidence to move forward and realize that your life isn’t really “out of control;” there are just parts of your life that might need repair or tweaking, or parts of your life that you could and can make work better than they work now.

JLeslie's avatar

Are you still interested in Graphic design? Will the Associates be enough to get a good job in the field? Very few fields have Associates degrees listed in requirements for a job, but there are some industries that look very favorably on a 2 year degree. I have no idea what is looked for in the Graphic Design field. If your answer is yes to both the questions at the beginning of this paragraph, then I say focus on that, even work less if you need to, if it will help you do better in class. Get the degree done as fast as possible, go all year, and it will probably be done in a year or 4 terms, if you already have courses under your belt. That will be one item finished, Degree done.

I don’t know what exactly your parents are giving you a hard time about, so I can’t comment on that. I know it sucks to have to move back in with them in your 20’s, but you can save a ton of money living with them I assume, even if you pay for some things or some rent. There is nothing to be ashamed of moving back in with your parents. Having a plan to get a degree, and eventually move out is admirable. If you are saving a lot you can move out before school is finished and live off of some of your savings. Maybe someone at school needs a roomate? Are rents very high where you live?

It sounds like you might have been duped by this fiance of yours. I would assume the break up was very difficult. Give yourself a break and refocus. I know how hard it is, break ups like that can be devastating.

I have no idea if any of that helps, and of course I don’t really know you or the entire predicament you are in.

ZEPHYRA's avatar

Focus on your education no matter how tough things are. Your education is your passport to independence. Don’t be in any hurry to get seriously involved again for a while. Try and compromise with your parents, right now you need them more than you can imagine.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

Don’t do anything right now. Just step back and relax for a bit. You’ve been through a lot lately.JLeslie had some good advice. Take a break. Life has it’s ups and downs. Don’t focus on the negatives.

marinelife's avatar

Set some new goals in the order that you can stand to do them. If things are tough at your parents make moving out your first goal.

But perhaps you need to get a new gob first: one that has more hours and pays better. Do you have any savings so that you could move out if you got another job elsewhere?

Take your time. Say to yourself that you have plenty of time to start over. Look at this way, the false starts gave you clarity about what you want and don’t want.

Write down your goals and tell them to someone you know who will be supportive of them. That is more likely to help you accomplish them. Work steadily toward them. For example, if you forgo a latte out one day, say that you are doing that to save money for school.

Things are not really dire for you just a little bit depressing. You have your health, You have a roof over your head. You have a job. Be thankful for what you do have. That will help change your attitude into can do.

Good luck.

dabbler's avatar

Are you sure about the Graphics Design? The job market for graphics folks is awful, typically paying badly. It is a fun and rewarding skillset though so you can consider it an investment in your future recreation.
Your job prospects as a pharmacy tech would be much better in most parts of the U.S.

@johnpowell‘s suggestion to to some easy things, remind yourself you can be successful even if it’s with something simple. Keep a to-do list and get what you can done, and be sure to pat yourself on the back for getting them done.

You may be lonely after the breakup with your fiance. Can you join a club to meet some people with a common interest?

If you’re living at your parents’ place you must be getting along with them at least some. Be sure to let them know you are grateful for the roof over your head and for them being supportive. Even if that feels hard to do, it’s worth it, and they might ease up on pressures that parents are prone to applying to their offspring if you give them some atta-boys for their efforts raising you.

Nullo's avatar

You might consider an ecclesiastic solution. An unchanging God becomes the eye of such storms.

wundayatta's avatar

Go for it! Whatever seems important—move towards that. Make choices. Then make them stick. I would be guided by my own preferences here; not what everyone else is telling you. If you want to live on your own, how badly do you want that? Enough to be poor? Then go for it.

There are ways around poverty, though. Move in with roommates. Become a gardener at a job that gives you a place to live. Do house sitting. Whatever.

Go for it!

jessiemay25's avatar

A point I want to make is that you won’t be able to feel like you can confront your issues if you aren’t confident in your self. You’re saying you’ve convinced yourself that you can’t afford to move out of home, are you convincing yourself with others things to? Whats holding you back…your situation or your self esteem? It is very hard and I’ve known the depressing feeling you feel now where you feel stuck, BUT you won’t be able to make any progress until you have the drive in you. Yes the job, finances, parents etc are a struggle but think back to the beginning of your post at the beginning…you broke up with your fiance. Is it possible that you still have negative feelings in regards to that, that you haven’t moved past from? Maybe you feel like that failed and everything since thens been a struggle so it will continue to be a struggle. Try retracing your steps, getting clarity and peace with the past and then hopefully you’ll be more at peace with yourself giving you the drive you need to tackle the issues that are making you unhappy now.

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