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josie's avatar

Who is to blame for your failed marriage?

Asked by josie (30931points) June 8th, 2012

I can argue that my marriage failed because my ex wife was a moron (pretty, but a moron).
On the other hand, I can argue that my marriage failed because I was stupid enough to marry a moron.
And everything in between.
Who is to blame for your failed marriage?

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14 Answers

Blackberry's avatar

My ex-wife and myself. I should have known not to marry her, and she should have known not to marry me.

Neizvestnaya's avatar

In my 1st marriage, probably more me. I was so emotionally immature that I kept beating the dead horse, expecting everyone around me to “do the right things” for each other. My husband expected if there were issues then I’d speak up instead of growing discontent and bitterness. By the time we went into counseling because we really did want to be married, there was too much underlying anger which had turned to passive aggressive disrespect. We felt a chasm away from what we thought we should be as a couple and where we found ourselves.

tinyfaery's avatar

Bigots who don’t think I have the right to marry. I have yet to fail my domestic partnership.

josie's avatar

@tinyfaery If you have to ask permission from the State to do something, you do not have a right anymore. I had to go on bended knee to the Political State and pay tribute and prove I was worthy of a “license” to marry. My right to marry was long ago taken by the authorities. When you get the “right” to marry, you will be just another serf, like me.

Bellatrix's avatar

I don’t think a marriage breakdown is a ‘failure’. Sometimes it can be a mutual recognition (regardless of how painful the acknowledgement is) that you and your partner are no longer best suited to be together. Sometimes the individuals may reach that position at different times or one may never reach the point where they see the relationship as unworkable, I don’t see this as a failure though. More a disagreement on the way forward.

Perhaps you were never best suited to marry, but blame is pointless. Blame can stop us growing as individuals and learning from our experiences. People change, situations change. Even the eventual awareness that ‘this is not the right person/situation for me’ is a change.

syz's avatar

Both of us.

ETpro's avatar

All their fault, every last one of the useless, dumb buggers. And I told them so—often.

bewailknot's avatar

We were both pretty screwed up, and too young and immature to marry, so we were both at fault.

King_Pariah's avatar

Never married, but I am pretty damn certain that all my failed relationships were mostly, if not completely, my fault. I’m just not a good significant other.

Blackberry's avatar

@fundevogel @fundevogel “The gays”. I chortled…....

SuperMouse's avatar

At its base most practical level it was me who was responsible for the break-up of my first marriage. I say this because I am the one who pulled the trigger, started the process, and filed for divorce. In reality though, he had no idea how to be a husband and because I enabled him, he didn’t have to do anything.

whiteliondreams's avatar

Myself. I was young and wasn’t certain of the things I wanted. I was under the impression that I wanted to prove people wrong and show them that I can make a relationship work. Four years later we finally got divorced and I had custody of our daughter. I sent her back with her mother because it was hard to raise her while doing college full time. I also know she would be taken care of in an emotionally better way with her mother and brother.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

I am not sure my first marriage failed, necessarily. It ended, yes, but we were vastly different people than when we began. He and I were together for 7 years, married for 3, one child. Eventually, though, I realized he wanted to be stuck and stagnant and I wanted to learn and to grow. We were no longer right for one another and so it ended. And that was absolutely the best decision for all involved. I would have been miserable otherwise.

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