Social Question

jca's avatar

Times in your life when you've liked someone, did you make the first move as far as indicating that you liked them, or did you wait for them to show you that they liked you before you did anything?

Asked by jca (36043points) June 25th, 2012

When I say “first move” I am referring to emailing, calling, chatting, whatever. When you have liked people, do you wait for them to show you in some way that they like you, or do you “put it out there” that you like them?

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17 Answers

Pied_Pfeffer's avatar

Hmm, it was a bit of both (female here). It completely depended upon the person and the situation.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

I always make the first move.

zenvelo's avatar

There have been few occasions where a woman has indicated she liked me; almost always I have initiated anything going on. The ratio is probably 30 my initiation to 1 of theirs. And even when the woman has made it known to me, they mostly waited for me to ask them out.

SpatzieLover's avatar

Same as @Simone_De_Beauvoir. If I’ve liked someone (including my husband), I’ve let them know by “putting it out there”. That way, IMO, there is no game.

JLeslie's avatar

Friendships I have definitely made the first move at times.

Dating, I made it fairly obvious I was interested I think a few times, not all, but as far as the first move, it has always been the other person.

josie's avatar

In nearly every circumstance I can think of, it is best to seize the initiative.
I always make the first move.

chewhorse's avatar

If you like to play emotional games then make them chase you until you allow them to catch you but if your true to yourself you won’t play games and chance a turn-off. Tell them how you feel by word or action and if it scares them off then at least you discovered their character.

janbb's avatar

I have often indicated that I like them; usually after some speculation that there might be reciprocation. Sometimes I have misread the signals and been hurt but I don’t tend to play games or be coy.

bookish1's avatar

With girls/women, I have always made the first move. That was easy.
I have no idea how to do it with guys though :’-(

Sunny2's avatar

A lot of them, I don’t remember, but I’ve never been shy about starting things. I definitely started it with my husband-to-be. He was surprised, but followed up.

athenasgriffin's avatar

I will initiate contact, make conversation, and flirt, but it is up to the man to show romantic interest, as well as show that he is serious. I am perfectly content to stay just friends with someone who can’t or won’t do either of these things

wundayatta's avatar

Hmmm. I don’t think this is easy to determine because there is usually flirting or conversation first that indicates a mutual interest in each other. Maybe I make the first overt move (do you want to get a bite to eat?), but that’s based on some pretty intense interest that already exists.

Online, the other person has made the first move—if you count announcing their existence to me as a move. I mean, I don’t know they exist, necessarily, and then I get a pm which, if I read between the lines properly, is an expression of interest in me. I have written similar pms as well. They are subtle, with plausable deniability. You just say hello, and ask a question, and if they don’t answer, there’s nothing there and no harm done. No real reason to be hurt. But if they do answer, that opens up to the next step, which involves sharing more personal information, and then, step by step, you increase intimacy and if it works out, you end up… well…. where relationships end up. It’s hard to say who made the first move in terms of how did it get intense, but I do think that first pm is often the first move, and sometimes the first move occurs out in public, as well.

I think that men often don’t recognize when women make the first move. I know I didn’t for most of my life. Real confident men might respond to a woman’s first move, but it’s not clear to me that they recognize she is telling them she is available for them, if they want. Women can be subtle about that. Flirting has many ways and means, and I think guys tend to think they are more in control than they are, while women tend to think they are less in control than they are.

Women sit back, and let men make the “first move” very often. Except, I don’t think that official first move is even close to the first move, usually. But it’s just the first one related to dating—the first official “ask.”

I’m shy, so I tend to let her get fairly obvious about her interest before I’ll risk asking for something. I also don’t ask for dates. I make it more slippery than that—like a non-date, date. “Are you planning to be at such-and-such next week? A bunch of us are going. Cool. It would be great to see you there.” Well, it worked for me.

Neizvestnaya's avatar

It’s been mixed. With my current husband, I wasn’t sure his of his flirtations since we both worked under the same roof so I pushed a little and suggested he ask me out sometime. That he said he’d do it in a heartbeat if we didn’t work together made me feel less embarrassed than I would’ve been if he’d something like, “oh, that’s sweet of you” or “I’ll keep it in mind”, something like that.

harple's avatar

I like how @josie put it – seize the initiative. That’s me with my good self-confidence. The side of me with the poor self-esteem however, needs to know it’s genuinely reciprocated otherwise I can have huge self-doubt.

Paradox25's avatar

I’m only attracted to women who show me at least some interest. I don’t expect anybody to do all the work for me, but I do require at least some effort.

jordym84's avatar

When it comes to making the first move, I never do it, I leave it up to the guy. It has nothing to do with traditional male/female roles, but more to do with my own fear of rejection.

downtide's avatar

I have always made the first move.

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