How much of a nonconformist are you?

I am a single mother and have never been married (which, to some is non-conformist, and I realize that to some, it’s not).

I am 46 and I still listen to hard core hip hop and heavy metal. I remember when I was in my early 20’s I had a friend who was 30, and she still listened to heavy metal, and i thought it was so admirable that she never gave that up in her old age LOL.

I am so nonconformist, I even hate Apple.

I’m the same sort of nonconformist as everyone else.

Very much so.
I even can’t touch my toes.

I am a both a complete freak and a conventional suburban dad.

Regarding the second question: We need everyone to be willing to be a nonconformist when and where it matters.

Depends on my mood. I’m probably a bit bipolar, but I love it. Sometimes I’m off the wall wacked. I think I may be Angus and Malcolm’s long lost brother.

I don’t consider myself to be a non-conformist.

Both conformity and non-comformity are signs of an underlying insecurity. Conformists let others define them because they fear rejection. Non-conformists also let others define them, in that their choices are dictated by reference to the prevailing culture. There’s a fear underlying that, too—a fear of assimilation.

When you stop caring about rejection or assimilation, and stop worrying about how you’re seen, then you’re free to just respond to circumstances in whatever way best serves the common good. Very often that means blending right in. Occasionally that means refusing to follow. But ti never means making a policy out of conformity or non-conformity.

Oh, so wise, thorninmud!

I am non-conformist in thought. In actions, I tend to conform.

I sometimes wear odd socks at social gatherings & randomly applaud pigeons when they shit on police cars.

Generally, I don’t think I’m a non-conformist but through interacting in the world, I realize that I am, to many. Still, for all my supposed nonconformity, I have rather broad values like justice or compassion. Some of my mentors wonder at how I manage to both be so radical in my ideas and yet maintain that certain societal institutions like that of family or of education or of justice are valuable but it doesn’t seem so contradictory to me.

It’s all relative and depends on your point of view.

To my mom (for example), it’s incomprehensible that I don’t want to be married, that I don’t want kids, that I don’t base my career on how much money I can make.

To my peers (in my age group), I listen to the wrong music (“That kind of music makes rats eat their own young!”), I’m odd for rock climbing, and I’m crazy for buying a motorcycle.

To many parts of society, I’m different because I consider myself bisexual.

My own self image is that I’m pretty damned conformist, mostly because I fantasize about the things that I’d like to do but don’t because they’re too risky, or too different.

I don’t want to be a nonconformist, yet everyone has always regarded me as unconventional. In my twenties I was told that I lacked common sense, but clearly it is that I lack a common perspective. It has always been different from that of my peers, although I still don’t recognize how it differs. I always wanted to be like everyone else. However, my uncommon sense has enabled me to help others through chaotic periods in their lives. So unconventional or nonconformist, I accept that I am what I am (whatever that may be). At 72, what choice do I have?

I have no idea. Is not following the latest fashions non-conformist? Is not caring much what others think? “Fitting in” is not important to me, but I don’t make choices to conform to some norm. Perhaps non-conformist is in the eye of the beholder.

I’m very much a nonconformist, and I like it that way.

I not really pay that much attention to whether I am conforming or not.

I do remember when I was much younger, I tried to dress, act and talk like other people so I could have more friends, but it never worked. I finally found friends among people who were more like me.

I usually classify myself as an individualist, and I’ve suffered quite a bit for this throughout my life. I don’t oppose just for the sake of being different, but it’s just that I tend to be very open about most of my stances and beliefs, even in the most uncomfortable situations. There are times that I do agree with the majority, but there are times when I don’t, and when I don’t I tend to be extremely vocal about it.

I do try to avoid the tendencies of most people who seem to fuel information cascades, and think for myself through my own research, even if my conclusions at the time seem to go against the grain. My behaviors, mannerisms and preferences when it comes to my personal life are no exceptions either.

I don’t make my choices based on whether I conform or not.

How much nonconformity is needed to make the world a better place?
IMO, @mattbrowne people need to be less concerened with what other people think of them or of what they do. If you consider that to be “nonconformity”, then I’d say A Lot.

Speaking of geckos, who should Bieber take to the prom?

Also, “Your mom.”

I give the appearance of conformity, but I’m not really. I’m queer, transsexual, atheist/humanist, polyamorous, sexually… hmmm…. open-minded, liberal-with-socialist-tendencies. The list would be longer if I could think of more labels but there are other things that even defy labelling.

I don’t pay it much mind, it hasn’t seemed important aside from conforming to basic laws. Probably the most non-conforming thing about me is I don’t follow the adage of “blood is thicker than water”. Also non-conforming, I don’t scrap relationships with people just because the nature of the relationship may change; my ex husband is still my best friend after more than 25 years.

I not so much a non-conformist as I am a non-care-ist.

I don’t really think about whether I am conforming or not when I do something/like something but, I think, we are always conforming in some way, just with different groups of people. For example, most of you will know that I am a massive Barry Manilow fan. This is not conforming with many people of my own age but he has a large fanbase and so I am conforming with them.

I also enjoy a lot of the music that is currently in the charts and that is conforming to a lot of people my own age.

Whatever I do, I don’t do it to conform or not conform. I find people that try too hard not to conform as annoying as those that feel the need to confirm.

Variety makes the world go round but I think if there’s too much deliberate non-conforming, that could cause more prejudice amongst each other rather than the “live and let live” cliche I like to keep in mind.

Nonconformity is a vague concept. Even being a part of the counter culture can be its own form of conformity.

But if you’re referring to going against mainstream culture, I’m a little non conformist, but you have to do some things to fit in and make your social life easier (assuming you care about fitting in).

I find there’s a dichotomy in nonconformist behavior, so much so that I use two different terms for it.

A nonconformist simply doesn’t care about conforming. I’m all for that.

An anticonformist is so against conforming that they will actively refuse to like anything that is popular, and I find that irritating as hell. Think hipsters. It comes off as pretentious and disingenuous to me.

I consider myself a nonconformist because I don’t need public opinion backing me up on what I do, nor am I wrapped up in the idea of being a unique snowflake. I like what I like and I really couldn’t give two shits how many other people like it.

In a similar spirit to @thorninmud, who gives an excellent answer as always, I would say that both conformity and non-conformity are vices when pursued for their own sake. The virtuous mean would be to decide for oneself without regard to the popularity of the conclusion reached and to not make a spectacle of one’s supposed individualism.

To be either, you’d have to actually be aware of the archetype that you’re conforming or not conforming to. These days, I feel really out of it. Conformity or non-conformity is less intention and more coincidence.

Conformity= (# of non-friends) *(Importance of people in group)^2 * (How sleepy I am)

Thanks for your very insightful answers. I try to be about 50% conformist and 50% non-conformist. Here are some of my non-conformist ways.

1) At work I don’t wear a tie, even though most people do. I stopped doing so about 2 years to see what would happen. Not much to my surprise. Ties in the summer are a nuisance and require more energy to power the air conditioning system. And I don’t really see the added value even the rest of the year.

2) I love science, and although the majority of scientists are atheists, I am not.

3) As a liberal I support the idea of strong armies which are necessary to defend freedom and democracy against communist totalitarianism, fascism, islamism and other forms of anti-democratic ideologies.

4) As a consumer I don’t believe in buying things that I don’t really need. I don’t believe in buying new clothes all the time, or new eyeglasses every two years just because there’s a new trend in fashion. And in general, I don’t enjoy shopping.

5) I believe in extra care to ensure the correct spelling of words when using the Internet.

I’m pretty non-conformist, infact, my personality type the ENTP is known to be of a non-conforming nature. I will always do things MY way, in my time, and am not a slave to others opinions or rote societal mandate. I question everything and am a divergent thinking type who hates the 9–5 work routine and has done everything in her power to avoid that lifestyle for a long time now.

I do not do well with hardcore anal, by the book, micromanaging personalities at all.
I gotta be FREE! lol

So far so good, I’m hanging on in my little Walden Pond zone, living life on my terms still, for now anyway.

It would be interesting to hear the people around those of us crowing how non-conformist we are. I wonder what they’d have to say.

__He dresses like a slob. Can’t get her help on anything. Worst team player ever. Won’t listen to advice, always thinks his way is the best. Is totally ignorant of the fallout from her behavior. Doesn’t respect the wishes of the people around him.__

I suppose they could think just as highly.

I too like @thorninmud ‘s sharing, and agree, but for the sake of limited self sharing I identify more with being a non-conformist, meaning only, that I live my life my way and don’t feel pressured or manipulated by a mad worlds mandates.

@6rant6 Being non-conformist is not synonymous with being a sociopath. One can be true to themselves without stepping on or otherwise harming others. None of my non-conformist choices have any effect on others in my life.

@Coloma Yes, a non-conformist is not an anti-conformist (I didn’t know that term even existed before reading this thread). A non-conformist is a person that makes their own decisions in life rather than opposing just for the sake of opposing. To me, like others have stated, an anti-conformist is no more different than a conformist. We should all be non-conformists.

@Paradox25 Agreed!

@coloma, hackles received.

I was just saying there are two ways to look at behavior. My opinion is that being righteous about everything you do is infantile. Often, we fail to conform out of character flaws, laziness or ignorance. We can be proud sometimes for sticking out, but not about the fact that we stick out in general. That’s my opinion.

Some of the comments which led me to post the question above:

“I sometimes wear odd socks at social gatherings…”

“Is not caring much what others think? ‘Fitting in’ is not important to me,”

“I will always do things MY way, in my time”

“I like what I like and I really couldn’t give two shits how many other people like it.”

@6rant6 Hmm, since one of those quotes is mine I suppose I’ll respond.

No, I won’t claim to be immune to societal pressures. I didn’t leave my home naked this morning even though it probably would have been more comfortable in this heat. I live in a home on the grid in the “system.” Nobody is immune, nor should they be. Civilization depends on – some degree of – conformity.

But when it comes to my values and tastes and interests, in most cases I feel that it really doesn’t matter how popular these things are. If I want to take up some weird ass hobby like knitting sweaters for trees, why on earth should I care that this isn’t something most people enjoy? Or conversely, if my peers are all into smoking pot and I don’t want to, there is no reason why I should feel the need to go with the crowd. Does that make me a bad team player or disrespectful? I can’t imagine why it would.

As for my values, I try to decide what is right and what is wrong by using logic and empathy. I think the inherent desire to “fit in” leads a lot of young people to do terrible things they otherwise wouldn’t, like bullying, so I think the desire to conform is not necessarily the emotion I want to be listening to when forming my code of values. The popularity of an act does not determine its righteousness.

On the other hand, I’m just one person, and not a particularly wise or experienced one at that. I understand that. It’s not as though I’m closed off to advice or guidance or dissenting opinions. In the end, though, if something doesn’t make logical sense to me, I’m probably not going to live by it, no matter how popular it is.

@Mariah Well said. I particularly like that you recognize your preferences as just that, not crowing about how peculiar you are.

Conformity is a seductive mistress. I could point out a dozen ways we’re inclined to go with the majority, but anyone can see that’s true. We get good feedback for conforming. In some groups, (Like Fluther) you gain membership by railing about what an unconventional type you are. But as you say, whether you appear to be trying to gain affiliation by attempting to conform, or try to gain affiliation by decrying conformity, “The popularity of an act does not determine its righteousness.”

@6rant6 Thanks. Yep, I find it equally annoying and illogical when people actively avoid going with the crowd simply because they want to be different, which was why I expressed frustration with who I refer to as “anticonformists” in my first post. I just don’t think popularity should come into play any more than it needs to when one is deciding whether to do something. Of course some degree of conformity is “built in” instinctually and I’m not saying we should go to extreme lengths to avoid that. On the other hand, if you do notice you’re doing something that doesn’t make sense to you simply because other people are doing it, maybe you should try and go against that instinct.

@Mariah Yeah, conformity binds society. I don’t think it would work if we each decided which side of the street to drive on. Of course, society sometimes is wrong-headed; then it’s righteous to buck the trend.

I’ll admit that I claim to be different sometimes, hoping that it will get me in tight with my peeps – the non-conformists.

I refuse to answer this.

@zensky in that respect you’re just like most everyone else.

The guy with the Star Trek uniform is a non-conformist, uh huh.

Refusal is futile.

The first duty of every Starfleet officer is to the truth, whether it is scientific truth, or historical truth, or personal truth. It is the guiding principle on which Starfleet is based. If you can’t find it within yourself to stand up and tell the truth about what you are, you don’t deserve to wear that uniform.

@mattbrowne __resistance?__

@6rant6 – Small variation ;-)

ohm

I meant to answer this question about 2 weeks ago, but since I’m such a rebel non-conformist I decided to make you wait. Not that you care. I’m used to coming in last though. Even in kindergarten when my friends and I lined up for the bus and pretended we were a train, I always wanted to be the caboose! Ask me why, I don’t know. It was either my nature (too early to be conditioned into the thought that “the last will be first”) or it was because (and I remember this vividly) I thought cabooses were cute and cool in all their flaming red glory. I had a similar fascination with tugboats….but I digress.

The first thing I think when I think nonconformist is not rebel. Rebelling may be non-conformity but it’s an offshoot, a radical departure taken more as a reaction to things than a deeply felt ethical, philosophical or emotional disagreement. If you don’t seek to be a nonconformist it’s no guarantee that you won’t find yourself in situations where you come up against it all. Depending on how different you are from the “norm” and the “median” responses to things you can feel all out of fit without even trying to rebel.

It’s not always easy to have the courage of your convictions. The world seems to contain so many shades of grey. People, including myself of course, can be very good at rationalizing to go along with what is in their own best interests. Look at Thomas Jefferson who wrote the words “All men are created equal” but didn’t apply that truth to his slaves. How convenient. It’s not easy to be non-conformist when it comes up against your own comfort level. That’s where the rationalization comes in.

I don’t think I am much of a nonconformist. I like to get along with people. But there are times when you have to go out on a limb and stand up for your principles and deeply held convictions, even when they may go against the grain.

How often do you have to do this? It depends how sick the culture and times you are living in is. If it means taking a risk for yourself many more people would do it than if it means not only risking theirselves but risking their family and loved ones’ well being in the bargain.

I just think of the book Brave New World and hope that we aren’t all becoming addicted to our own personal brand of Soma

I am non-conformist enough to know that it is sometimes frustrating. Trying to do the right thing for my family, my self, and others when I can; separates me from most people automatically.

I have been in the Marine Corps for 20 years and have 1 friend to show for it.

When I started feeling a bit blue (upon my diagnosis of M.S.), life wasn’t fun for a bit, I put myself in 12 weeks of counseling. Who does that?

I drink alcohol, but I have never been drunk and have never had a hangover. My favorite drink is Gin and Tonic.

I like video games, I usually have 5 or 6 games that I am in the middle of, but usually nothing recent or popular.

I do my own home repairs, but I pay someone to mow the lawn, and recently found out that he mows my lawn, but pays someone to do his home repairs!

Every few months I buy a new board game to play with my kids.

I check Woot everyday and find it therapeutic to purchase some small electronic item or tool for a stupid low price.

I am planning to enroll in a beginner’s knitting class with my 11 year old daughter near term, because making something useful for one’s self or as gifts while watching a movie seems extremely efficient.

Married to my soul mate. I never talk negative about her (which ‘non-comforms’ me from 95% of other married guys that I know). I buy her gifts/flowers whenever I am out and she crosses my mind (which turns out to be 2x a month or so). I write her poetry, snuggle, and in many other ways pursue her just as much as I did 4 years ago when we met. I do all this out of a passionate, grateful heart. I couldn’t do these things out of a sense of obligation.

See?!! Told you I was a non-conformist, and I don’t even try to be.

I could go on and on, but you get the idea.

@noraasnave I loved that. Thanks for sharing. Knitting for men…very non conformist,lol.
Funny too about the home repairs vs. mowing the lawn. I love it. :)

@Earthgirl The ironic thing is that I don’t think about conforming or not…I just follow my curiosity and my heart.

Here are a few more things I do in this vein:

I am installing a gutter system on my house for the first time (for me and the house),

I am growing two tomato plants upside down off of an old swing set in the back yard.

I rub my soul mate’s feet when she is emotionally overwhelmed and has to discuss heavy topics or if she just has a head ache that won’t go away.

I cook breakfasts on most weekends, banana bread whenever we have bananas that are going bad, cookies, and supper a couple of nights a week.