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HeartBridgeGallery's avatar

When you perceive someone as being overly enthusiastic about your relationship when you barely know them, how does that make you feel?

Asked by HeartBridgeGallery (9points) June 26th, 2012

OK, here’s a viewpoint. It seems that for some people, paying compliments might be a way of trying to manipulate you to like them / accept them because deep down they have a fear of rejection. They somehow feel that the more enthusiastic they are, without waiting for a relationship to take time to develop, that they want to figuratively pry open the bud of friendship and make the bud bloom prematurely. They need validation themselves and by getting someone to respond to their enthusiasm, it alleviates the fear that the situation or relationship might not develop the way they want / need. It seems to be a form of manipulation and even though in many cases it may be a genuine first reaction, it still feels like too many compliments are coming from fear and not necessarily from true acceptance and understanding. True friendship in my mind needs to be based on a sense of equality. That why fans are rarely “friends” of famous people.

And of course, I’m not saying I think this applies to all enthusiastic people by any means.

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8 Answers

SYS's avatar

I tend to be suspicious of them, it doesn’t sit well with me when someone I hardly know behaves like that, acting as if they’re my best friend when they’re not. I met one guy like that recently and in a matter of minutes he thought we were best buds, affectionately started calling me justin bieber (I coulda killed him for that), and began barraging me with texts and calls throughout the day including one time texting me at 2 am asking me what I had for dinner, how was my day, and if I wanted to meet up in about an hour to hang out.

Blackberry's avatar

I would rather not be unnecessarily suspicious of people being nice. It’s sad that society in general is skeptical of happy people, but I would rather not bring happy people down with suspicion, which is also a form of fear by the way.

augustlan's avatar

I don’t view it as manipulative, just… needy? Someone who really needs a new friend. It can be a bit annoying, but it might settle down. I’d give it time and see what the person is really like.

cheebdragon's avatar

…..or they could just be a sociopath….

wundayatta's avatar

When someone comes on too strong, it bothers me. I don’t feel like they know me, and yet they are acting like I’m some kind of god? What is wrong with them?

I’m a difficult person, so when someone likes me very quickly, I think they have bad judgment and that makes me not trust them. I don’t feel like they understand me. I think they have some weird idea about me.

If it’s a woman, this little game goes on in my head. I think that if they like me like this, then maybe they’ll want to have sex with me. Wouldn’t that be cool? But if they are unstable enough to want to have sex with me quickly, then they are probably going to cause a lot of problems. There will be a lot of misunderstanding, and it will end up with a lot of hurt feelings.

I don’t really want to do that. So my best position is to just put up some barriers between us. I stop being so friendly. I make it harder for them to talk to me or be satisfied by talking with me. If they really like me, they’ll deal with it, and work to get to know me. If it’s just some fantasy on their part, these barriers will keep them from getting close enough to want more.

I think it’s important to pay attention to your instincts about this. Real closeness takes a while to develop, and you need to protect yourself if people are pushing close faster than you are comfortable with. You can even tell people that, if you want. “I’m not comfortable getting close so quickly.”

Also, resist the urge to psychoanalyze the other person. They may be insecure. They may not be. It doesn’t really matter. What matters is how you feel. If you feel uncomfortable, then protect yourself. Let the other person do the same. Your job is you, though, not the other person. You take care of yourself, and let them do their own work.

cheebdragon's avatar

@wundayatta have you read The Gift of Fear?

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