Should I Give This Flake Another Chance?

I no longer waste time on people who fuck around and/or play games. I also don’t waste time on people who can’t be bothered to keep appointments, or who feel I’m insignificant enough to blow off, believing that I’ll be available later.
I won’t.

In my honest opinion? No. Flakes really annoy me.

@Gabby101 No feedback is feedback. When someone isn’t able to make time for you, to talk with you, or to explain why (things can come up, but this doesn’t sound like such a case), then they are telling you loud and clear just how unimportant you are to them. Answer in kind, or regret it.

Flakes are best confined to the morning cereal bowl.

I would not initiate any further conversations with her. I doubt she will initiate an conversation with you. And if you are facebook friends, defriend her.

The next move is yours and ” oh well, things didn’t work out! Next time!” sounds best to me. Was she always a flake or is this a new development? It does sound like she isn’t particularly interested in seeing you. (her loss)

You know your past history with this person better than we do and it does sound as if she was fairly disengaged from the prospect of meeting with you. If this is ‘par for the course’ with her, I wouldn’t seek her out again. If she calls you, and you want to see her, fine – otherwise, let it go.

If she is normally a complete ditz and you do care about the relationship then tell her you are disappointed she couldn’t make the time and see what happens from there.

It really depends on past experience and what you want from this friendship in the future. Is she worth trying to find out what is going on or not?

If this is the first time this ever happened I would let it slide. You had some sort of miscommunication between the two of you. She may have perceived the interaction as you being the one who was lazy in communicating since she felt she was clear initially for you to text her right away and you had not though that. Probably she wanted to continue the conversation, but texting is more effeicient for her than email. I don’t look at my email often, but I do texts. Maybe she did not realize your only opening was for dinner, only that you suggested dinner.

This doesn’t really seem so bad to me. I understand being flummoxed by her being a little flaky, but it seems a little extreme to defriend her or hate her forever because of this. I wouldn’t suggest spending a lot of time on her or relying on her, though.

I’m with @athenasgriffin – assuming she isn’t constantly flaking out on you, this is not a big deal. People make mistakes, don’t think things through, try to schedule in a whole bunch of things, etc… all the time. If this is a constant issue, then don’t initiate again and see what happens.

Edit: it also depends on how far you traveled. If you went from the US to Tokyo and this happened, its a bigger deal than if you went from Illinois to Indiana.

“Making plans” should include: a meeting place, and a date and time. Plans should be made at least a few days in advance. In my day, it was a week.
I know with today’s instant communication “Sup?’ is considered making a plan but not nailing down a time and place until Saturday for a Saturday meeting is a bit short.
She got a better offer on Friday and agreed to go out after not hearing from you.
In the future, rather than only texting, you can use the mic and speakers that are built into that widget in your pocket and actually talk to the person. A conversation carries much more weight than one of the 3000 monthly texts received.

When I make a plan I say something like :“Hey we’d better set a date now or we’ll both forget.” And then we do it. That works.

Are you a girl too? If this was like a date you should have made concrete plans before Saturday morning.

I have a friend who’s like that, constantly. When we’re together, her enjoyment of our time together is obvious—she will tell me over and over, “We have to do this more often!!”—but when she has to make plans, she’s easily distracted by things that are more immediate and visible in her environment. In other words, what she can see takes priority over what’s unseen.

So, making plans with her is near-impossible. I eventually got to the point where I told myself, “When I see her, enjoy. If I don’t, move on.” Nothing personal there. It hurt my feelings over and over until I realized, that was her and she wasn’t going to change. It was up to me to decide how much of that I wanted to work with, or not.

I would write her off.

Sometimes it helps to pick up the phone in order to clear things up. I find that email and texting lead to this kind of missed connections more easily.

I don’t tend to write off friends outwardly, but an internal, “Fuck you, I’m never calling again,” helps me process the annoyance that they bring me. Unfortunately, the way you describe your friend reminds me of just about all my close pals, so I understand how frustrating this situation can be. If you feel like providing a service to this person, it might help to explain to her (ideally on the phone or in person) how annoying it was to try to make plans with her while you were in town. Chances are: she was in her own little world and didn’t even realize that she was being dumb. Maybe you can teach her a valuable lesson (through words!).

I have to wish you a big fat GOOD LUCK with that, however. I’ve been trying for years to get my friends to stop calling me at 7 pm on weekdays to go out to dinner with them right now. No luck so far.

In defense of Flakes everywhere, you people need to realize that we aren’t dicks. We’re just too shy and polite to tell you to fuck off.

Please try and forgive our non-confrontational, passive/aggressive behavior. We aren’t bad people trying to be good. We’re just sick people trying to get well. Just continue to call us on our behavior so that we might live and grow.

Some people are flaky. Some people are organized. In my experience, flaky people almost never change. I think we need to deal with people as they are if we want to be friends with them. I have friends who I know are unlikely to plan things until the last moment. As a result, they often do not do things.

That’s ok, I think, for them. I am happy to plan a meal at the last second, if I’m available. But I don’t want to get angry at them for them calling me at the last second. That’s just the way it is. If I want to plan something, I will, and I will invite them knowing they will show up an hour late, if they show up at all. It happens. I’ve had parties where almost noone showed up. The graduate students all didn’t show. So I had dinner with my boss. It was nice.

I think we need to understand people and know what they are like. Then we can predict how they will behave and adjust our behavior accordingly. If we don’t want to adjust, then we let the relationship go. We need not recriminate or blame. People are who they are. They won’t change. If we know this, we can choose to engage, or not, accordingly.