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2late2be's avatar

Gay and lesbian people... Was it hard for you to tell family and friends your sexual orientation?

Asked by 2late2be (2289points) May 31st, 2008 from iPhone

What did they said?

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12 Answers

Upward's avatar

Being brought up in the Bible Belt it was hard enough to get myself use to the idea much less telling anyone. My mom went through my room and found out while snooping…. At the time I was very upset but really it was a lot easier than telling her in person.

Sueanne_Tremendous's avatar

For me, it was quite a bit easier than just “coming out” and having to tell anyone. I had known for years that I was bi-sexual and probably, in hindsight, out right lesbian. I had a few female flings but still got married because I wanted a “normal” life. But my husband was an ass. Everyone knew it. He cheated and lied. I stayed. Finally, after 15 years and two kids, I left with my kids. Everyone was happy for me. Then I started hanging out with Jenn. Everyone thought we were just good friends and that Jenn was helping me cope. After 6 years of helping me cope, Jenn moved in with me. It was then the light bulb went on over everyone’s heads. My kids suspected all along, they tell me now, but most everyone else was caught by surprise. My parents are happy. My kids are happy. I am happy. Jenn is happy. The only person I know of who is not happy is my ex-husband. Word is that he has hard time living down the fact that his wife dumped him for a chick. That’s not the case, but whose telling?

breedmitch's avatar

When I was growing up. my parent’s best friend was a gay man. We socialized with him and whomever he was dating at the time, often having dinner at his house several times a week. It was never stated, but it was if my parents were telling me that this is an acceptable lifestyle.
As for myself, I was never a very “butch” little boy. At age seven or eight my father sat me down and said that this was the year I would have to learn to play a sport with a ball. I happily informed him of my choice: jacks.
So there was little doubt of my sexual orientation, and I really never had any concept of the “closet”. Late in high school I felt the need to tell my parents that I thought I was gay and their response was along the lines of “Of course you are!” Lucky me! :)

Vincentt's avatar

I’m not gay myself (at least I think I’m not), but a friend of mine is gay and he had his coming out this year.

He decided to do so when he started a relationship. He said he was like “ah, who cares” since he was in an incredible mood anyway, passionately in love. And there’s no regret: overall replies are positive.

His partner, however, has yet to tell his parents but won’t because his mother is dieing and he expects her not to be able to cope.

scamp's avatar

@breedmitch You’re lucky to have such understanding and supportive parents.

sawyer's avatar

It was difficult for me from the stand point that I didn’t know what the outcome would be. I however didn’t come out until my mid 20s. I just made the decision that no matter what, I was going to be me and I didn’t want to hide anymore. Luckily for me, my family was supportive and everyone pretty much suspected anyway.

gailcalled's avatar

@Brian. Jacks! I love it. Maybe it will become an Olympic sport some day. Seriously, you were lucky w. your mom and dad.

heyu1021's avatar

I didnt tell mine until two weeks after I’d moved in with a man!! They were oddly supportive when I thought they wouldn’t be. Just goes to show you dont really know what someone is thinking unless you ask them.

MissAnthrope's avatar

It was hard, because, as sawyer said, I wasn’t sure what the reaction would be. I have always had mad crushes on girls, but chose to ignore my gayness before eventually having to gradually admit it to myself.. that was the biggest struggle I experienced. It’s funny because we lived in San Francisco and I had been raised amongst a bevy of gay men, who were my mom’s closest friends, so much so that they were considered family. Actually, I expected my mom to be the one not fazed by my pronouncement.. and yet, telling her was the biggest let-down of them all. She surprised me with her disappointment and, later, denial. It took her about 10 years to get over it (mostly), to ask about my current girlfriends, to want to talk about that aspect of who I am.

Really, though, most of the people I told were supportive, so I quickly realized it was okay and that I could be myself. I then went through a period of extreme pride.. now I’m back to it just being me. :)

vanelokz's avatar

it is not easy at all to come out to your parents about being gay. i still havent. ive observed her behavior when the subject is brought up and her reaction isnt really a positive one. My friends know and i live in a community where theres a lot of other bisexual or homosexual individuals.

My friends are extremely supportive and they usually get along with whatevr girl im dating. When it comes to telling my mom, i dont think ill be able to do that. in my head i still think its a phase and that ill go back to just liking men. but then agai ive been telling myself that for 4 years. i dont think ill be able to tell my mom, until she finds out for herself

monsoon's avatar

My dad was the first person who found out (through searching my room and following me in his car when I went out with friends), and he kicked me out when I was fourteen because of it. Luckily my parents are divorced, so I had my mom to go live with. Many people don’t have that luxury.

Most of my friends at that early time said they had no problem, but slowly withdrew from me physically and emotionally.

But hate is where pride comes from. I’m very proud.

My mom is supportive (though it’s not something we can talk about openly), and I have many friends now who are completely accepting.

Coming out was a nice little filter that left me only with people in my life who truly accept me for who I am.

Kayak8's avatar

I came out when I was 18 (very long, unpleasant story), my dad had just died and my mom brought it up. I didn’t think it was the best time to “go there,” but she did. She was pretty angry for a while and then eventually came around.

That was 30 years ago, so I think she is clear it is no longer “a phase.” LOL

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