General Question

susanc's avatar

Have you ever cancelled a trip because you were afraid?

Asked by susanc (16112points) May 31st, 2008

I was supposed to go to a reunion. But when I tried to leave the house, I realized that my husband, who died 3 weeks ago, wouldn’t know where to find me. So I stayed.

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13 Answers

wizard's avatar

Are you saying that your dead husband won’t be able to find you?

breanne's avatar

If he knew you were going to the reunion before he died, he will know where you are.

Or do you just not want to deal with people’s reactions to the news of your husband?

wizard's avatar

I’m confused, sorry.

susanc's avatar

I can’t tell if he knows where I am. You’re right, breanne, I don’t want to deal with
other people’s stuff around death or my grief. I appreciate your saying this. There are people where I was going to go who would tell me to be sensible. That is obviously out of the question. I can’t be sensible for awhile. Wiz, I’m confused too.

breanne's avatar

I wouldn’t go to something like that if it would just remind you of his not being there the whole time. You’d be miserable, and I don’t think this is an irrational fear this soon after his death. Now is the time to surround yourself with family and close friends—not a bunch of people tip-toeing around you. When you’re up to it, contact the friends you would have missed at the reunion and try to schedule a lunch with them to catch up. Or you could recruit a friend to jot down info about the people you’d care to catch up with so you can do it at a later time.

El_Cadejo's avatar

Yea I agree with breanne its probably best not to go to something like that just yet. I am sorry for your loss susanc.

Spargett's avatar

Sorry for your loss.

wildflower's avatar

susanc,
I’m so sorry for your loss. I completely agree with breanne and uberbatman. You are entirely justified in feeling the way you do and you shouldn’t push yourself in to situations you’re not comfortable with yet.
I realize this reunion may be a one off opportunity, but you won’t enjoy it if you’re not emotionally ready to put yourself in that situation. You have to think of yourself first.

susanc's avatar

Thank you all, I’m much more sane now after 2 days right at home.
Garden, cleaning, repainting. The quietness is good. Since
Rick died, people have been needing to talk to me nonstop. They were people who loved him, so it’s a good thing. Being with people who didn’t know him would have been excruciating.
Wizard, do you see how this works? Loss can make us a little wacky.

marinelife's avatar

What an incredibly difficult time for you, susanc. My heart goes out to you.

Loss of a spouse is so life-altering. Take all the “shoulds” out of your life that you can. The activities you describe sound like great therapy. Take as much time and space as you need. Wacky goes with the territory. Whatever your feelings are, they are real and justified.

When my sister died (before reaching 50) three years ago, I was stunned at how invasive the grief was. I had trouble working, trouble interacting with people.The whole process was like a spiral. As I moved through time, I would hit an aspect of the grief and deal with it as well as I could. Later that same aspect might resurface and have to be dealt with again from the place I was in at that time. I hope this makes sense to someone else. After rereading it, I am not sure I can express it very well. I call the first year my lost year.

Please take care of yourself. Your Rick would have wanted that.

jamzzy's avatar

susanc im sorry for your loss =[

susanc's avatar

Marina made me cry.
Because: yes! Exactly! Loss keeps blindsiding me, just like she describes it. Yesterday it suddenly occurred to me that Rick isn’t coming home. For 3 weeks
I’ve been waiting and getting ready.

Sleeping more. Hanging out with the kitty, who totally
gets it and stays close. Our dog and I have been taking walks where no one we know is also walking. The relief of it! I think I’ve been helping too many other people with their own grief. That’s good to do, but I wore out.

Grateful for the distance given by fluther, and the wisdom and kindness. You’re bringing me back from crazy-land. (I know I’ll be out there for a long time.)

raceboy84u2's avatar

i am not that old sorry

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