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franky's avatar

What do I do about this g/f situation?

Asked by franky (66points) July 13th, 2012

A while back the love of my life dumped me. There were a lot of reasons why, but suffice to say it wasn’t working out for reasons beyond our control. Shortly thereafter I found myself dating around, and one of the supposed flings ended up turning into the relationship I’ve now been in for a while. I never truly got 100% over my X, but I moved on and became happy with my new g/f… even reaching the point that I legitimately began looking at engagement rings.

Well of late things are not as rosy as getting married. The relationship has soured significantly. I don’t know that it’s beyond saving, but it’s become very difficult and our troubles are constantly on my mind. In the midst of this trouble, the X g/f (who several months back found herself single again) is talking to me and basically implies/tells me that she wants to be with me again and misses me.

With things as sour as they are right now in my relationship, and my feelings for the X never really fully dissipated, I find myself torn on what to do. I had made the decision I would try to sort things out with my g/f, but every time there’s a fight it’s harder to follow through on that. I have no idea if a new relationship with the X would even work, but the mere prospect of it, when faced with my current situation, sounds marvelous.

I’m faced with a scenario where I could be seeing my X pretty soon, and the prospect of that even being a possibility frightens me, because I’m not sure I could control myself. I’m not sure I want or SHOULD control myself even if given the opportunity.

What do I do?

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16 Answers

tedd's avatar

Ha…. Sounds like my life man. Almost anyways. I’m not sure what to tell you, other than you should probably avoid the X for now and try to make things work with the g/f. It either will, or it won’t work out.

nikipedia's avatar

What’s the problem with your current relationship?

If your girlfriend had an ex that she missed and maybe couldn’t control herself around, how would you like her to handle it?

chyna's avatar

I would try to make it work with the girlfriend. There was a reason your ex is your ex, and if you got back with her, you might remember all the things you didn’t like about her. Does the ex know you are in a committed relationship right now? If so, it doesn’t say much about her to be trying to get you back and it doesn’t say much about you to be talking to someone most likely behind your g/f’s back and possibly stringing her along too. Until you decide what to do, I would stop talking to the ex as it is probably clouding your perception of your relationship and girlfriend.

gailcalled's avatar

If you are that concerned about being able to control yourself, maybe you and your present lady need a time-out while you reconsider your feelings and the reason for them.

(Am I overly suspicious when yet another newcomer arrives and asks this type of question as his first?)

jca's avatar

I think some time by yourself would be beneficial. The grass is greener on the other side of the fence. Take some time, relax, enjoy yourself and some hobbies and some peace. Maybe you’ll choose to be with neither girl.

tedd's avatar

@gailcalled Haha, I also have my suspicions.

Pied_Pfeffer's avatar

It sounds as if you still have very strong feelings for GF#1. If you haven’t already, it’s time to talk to GF#2 about it. She has a right to know.

SuperMouse's avatar

Wherever you go, there you are. I agree with @jca time by yourself is something you should seriously consider. Let the current relationship run its course. Stay away from the ex-girlfriend, and spend some time working on yourself.

Sunny2's avatar

If you are having serious issues with the current girlfriend, I’d break it off. Pre-marriage courtship is usually a time of bliss. Anything less is a deal breaker. (to me) See what the ex-girlfriend has to say for herself, but don’t be sucked in by her. Make her prove herself first before deciding anything about her. And a time by yourself is always a learning experience, so I endorse that idea too.

trailsillustrated's avatar

Break up with current, play around with ex. Don’t think about marriage now you are too young.

Response moderated (Personal Attack)
gailcalled's avatar

^^^ You still on the faculty at charm school?

thebluewaffle's avatar

I’m the headmaster.

Ponderer983's avatar

My advice to you would be you need to evaluate your current relationship without the influence of X. I know it is hard, but it’s for the best. You need to decide is your current relationship is worth saving or not without someone possibly waiting in the wings. If you decide that it is not and want to pursue X, then go ahead. I say this because what if you break up with current gf to pursue X, then X either doesn’t really want you back or it doesn’t work out. You will always second guess breaking it off with your current gf. So try to make that decision as if X isn’t there.

jehnstewart's avatar

My love life was like that few years ago.
You’d better talk to your gf.
Your feelings towards her and your X.
You need space.
If you will come back to your X, are you sure she will never dump you again for another guy?
And if you continue this relationship with your gf, you’re just hurting her and also yourself.

OpryLeigh's avatar

Take the ex out of the equation and ask yourself if you actually want to be with your current girlfriend. Do you love her? If the answer is yes then stay well away from your ex and really put the effort in to save the relationship. If the answer is no or even, I’m not sure, then be fair to your girlfriend and “set her free” to find someone who does really want to be with her and won’t always have “what-ifs” in the back of their mind about someone else.

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