Social Question

Ponderer983's avatar

Calling all men - why would you do this?

Asked by Ponderer983 (6411points) July 13th, 2012

I went on a date with a guy 2 weeks ago, and after a day he texted me that “I was too conceited for him.” I took that with a grain of salt and a laugh considering the source. I didn’t much care being called something I know I am not by someone I barely knew and didn’t really care for after the date. Anyway, immature way on his part to just say “Hey this isn’t going to work out,” but fine. this morning, I get a text him saying “What up conceited”. Seriously? Why, as a man, would you do something like that? Why can’t he just leave it at the first one? BTW I did not respond to either text in case you are wondering. I really just want to know what his motive may be to send the second text.

Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

37 Answers

rooeytoo's avatar

He is apparently trying to push your buttons and prompt you to respond. I would ignore him. And I long ago came to the conclusion that the world is full of crazies and a lot of them are males.

jrpowell's avatar

Was probably horny and wanted to hook-up. No harm in asking.

Or he thinks you might like assholes.

augustlan's avatar

Wow, what an ass. How old is this dude, twelve? He sounds like a troll in real life. Just trying to get you riled up for his own amusement.

Haleth's avatar

This is a shot in the dark, but have you seen that show “The Game” with that dude Mystery? Or read the book The Game (which is actually pretty entertaining and funny?)

Basically, some guys who never had luck with women turned to underhanded tactics to increase their chances. There are many, many, many different ways to do this. Some guys wear loud, colorful clothes in hopes of attracting womens’ attention; some try to project an aura of confidence and lighten the mood with jokes (a tactic called cocky/funny), and some guys use subtle put-downs to make you feel insecure and seek their approval (negging.)

This guy might not be doing any of these. But the subtle put-down, teasing tone, and awkward delivery make me think that he is, and that he’s not very good at it.

Let me boil down opposite sex relations to the simplest terms: if he does the work to get in touch with you, he’s interested, and he’s trying to pursue you. He’s trying to disguise his interest by teasing you a bit, because he doesn’t want to seem over-eager. The two week gap makes me think he wasn’t too interested at first, but maybe he had some other encounters in those two weeks that didn’t go so well, and now he’s coming back around and trying your number again- he still has the number, and it doesn’t hurt to try.

Or he’s just socially awkward, honestly trying to get to know you but fumbling in the execution.

This is all just guesswork and speculation. He still sounds like a weenie.

funkdaddy's avatar

He’s probably trying to start a conversation both times. He may deal this way with his friends, and texting is pretty informal all around.

General rule for happy life: don’t get your feelings hurt in 140 characters or less, too much room for overthinking without much material to go on.

Please don’t get me wrong, it’s an insensitive way to get in touch, and it’s awkward, but probably not malicious.

You could ask him directly and know for sure.

Dr_Lawrence's avatar

Men as about half the humans on Earth do not act this way. It sound like this person was insecure, gutless and unkind. I would not invest more of your valuable social time on him. I know you desire better treatment and you may well deserve much better treatment.

digitalimpression's avatar

Being as you don’t know the guy very well perhaps you’ve misjudged him. It’s easy to misread a text message. Perhaps he was making a joke? Maybe he was calling you conceited knowing full well that you weren’t but hoping you had the sense of humor to joke back?

I know it’s “old school” but one of you should just call the other and stop playing around with texts.

NuclearWessels's avatar

Unfortunately at some point in his life some girl gave this bonehead positive reinforcement for this kind of behavior. Don’t take it to heart.

LuckyGuy's avatar

If you have no further interest in the guy, the only appropriate response to “What up conceited” is “clearly Not you” Then block the number.

flutherother's avatar

It seems like controlling manipulative behaviour by someone who is insecure and has difficulty establishing a mature relationship.

ucme's avatar

See, that’s not a man, more of a weak minded shit stain i’d say.

digitalimpression's avatar

Wow, such hostility and defensiveness in these answers! If it turns out he is joking he should clearly find someone who isn’t in this thread to date. xD Where are your senses of humors?

Granted, if he was not joking he’s an ass. Honestly, we don’t have enough information to praise or condemn this guy.

bookish1's avatar

This has nothing to do with being a man and everything to do with being an immature prat.

LuckyGuy's avatar

@digitalimpression Joking? If it was playful joking the OP would have known it within a minute. The guys wouold have followed up with an few minutes or the next day tops. On the other hand, if is was playful “teasing”, who needs it? It’s like catty junior high girls making up (always derisive) names for people and then agreeing to only call them by those names. The proper response is to fire one round back and then ignore.

digitalimpression's avatar

@LuckyGuy I’m just playing devil’s advocate. I’m sure he really is an ass. Still, if it were a joke told from and to the right person it could actually be kinda funny. Perhaps not in this crowd .. but…

stardust's avatar

Hmm…Sounds like a silly little crettin to me.

gailcalled's avatar

He’s an idiot.

Blackberry's avatar

I wouldn’t do that, so I can’t help you.

chyna's avatar

What a goof ball. Who would date someone that is either that stupid to say something so mean, or to think he is funny by saying it. I would have done what you did, not answer him.

zenvelo's avatar

All these responses tryingto justify his boorish behavior, and no one gives @Ponderer983 one real reason to “understand” what the guy is doing. Reaching out to him to “get” only reinforces his behavior. Nope, block his number, or just ignore him, but don’t respond unless he approaches you in person or else apologizes for being an ass.

Paradox25's avatar

Maybe this type of behavior is being fueled by the stigma associated with a guy actually being nice. There is more propaganda out there attacking the nice guy syndrome more than anything else. s a result many men tend to put up fronts so they’re not perceived as being nice or ‘wimpy’.

I’m not blaming you personally, and I’m not saying what I’m implying is what happened here. However, maybe you should be a bit more wary of your fellow women and the ‘alphamales’ (usually self-proclaimed) out there who’ve made a sport out of attacking decent men. PS There are many crazy women out there too (trying to balance the thread a bit) who have ridiculous expectations of men too.

digitalimpression's avatar

Unfortunately, all men are not the same. I could not possibly provide insight into this particular man’s behavior. I understand that the OP simply wants to understand how a man could do such a thing. Well, some men are assholes. That’s really all there is to it as far as I’m concerned. Usually the assholes have no trouble tracking down a date either. It seems that women desire confidence, money, and good looks. That’s a recipe for an asshole if I ever heard one. =)

Coloma's avatar

Yes, red flag, and seems to be projection on his part, the conceited seeing conceited in everyone else BUT themselves.
Hell, I am 52 and recently a man I don’t even know, had a couple of phone conversations with him invited himself over to spend the night after telling me he gets very aroused when
drinking alcohol. Seriously?

Sure, come on over for drinks and then put me in the position of having to let you stay over.
I don’t think so! Fool be gone!

Yep, just chalk it up to the usual stupidity you encounter when dating.

gondwanalon's avatar

This just goes to show that some people’s foolishness knows no bounds.

WillWorkForChocolate's avatar

Perhaps he thinks you’re attracted to douchebags.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

Wow, I was going to say he’s an ass,but you guys did it so well. I think you intimidated him, and he responded by attacking you. There are a lot of male assholes, but we’re not all like that.

Ponderer983's avatar

@Adirondackwannabe I feel that is what happened as well. I think he felt intimidated and knew I wasn’t that into him, and responded by attacking me. I mean, when I have to give the definition of the word “superfluous” to someone who has never heard the word before, I think that did him in.
@digitalimpression Yeah he wasn’t joking. If he was, he wouldn’t have waited 2 weeks to contact me again. I think he was also upset that I didn’t have sex with him.

WillWorkForChocolate's avatar

@Ponderer983 Ahhhh, I’m inclined to think it was the “no sex” thing. “Oh, you won’t have sex with me? That means you think you’re too good for me. Pffft, conceited!”

chyna's avatar

Ah, that changes it somewhat. Since you had to explain to him what the word superfluous meant, he had to throw out the biggest word he knew, conceited.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

@Ponderer983 One date and he expected sex? Never just give it up for a guy. He has to earn your trust and respect, and show you he respects you. Never ever just give it up. Making love with someone is so much better than letting some guy have his way with you.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

I think I’m going to hide in the corner for a bit.

Kardamom's avatar

Was this dude named Randy???

Ponderer983's avatar

@Adirondackwannabe Yeah I’m sure he did. Considering at the end of the date he kept trying to get me to “hang out in his car” at 2:30 in the morning. And let’s remember, I’m not that janelle girl on here. I’m almost 31 and have had plenty of experience in the dating pool lol. And while I do enjoy having sex with people I am in relationships with, sometimes you just gotta bust something out, but this was not one of those times I was looking for a one night stand. So he didn’t get any. And don’t hide – you’re a good boy!

@Kardamom HAHAHAHAHhahahaha

6rant6's avatar

I agree with what a lot of people here have written. He probably has been given some advice that encourages him to be antagonistic. I actually know a guy who used this advice and won the girl – she’s a 10, he’s a tool.

In time he may mature. If he ever comes back and says, “Hey, I was a jerk, sorry, want to go for dinner?” you should consider taking him up on his offer. And if he doesn’t mature, he can always run for office.

jca's avatar

@Ponderer983: So what’s your verdict? Are you responding to him or kicking him to the curb?

Ponderer983's avatar

@jca He was never in the running to respond to. Not worth my time IMO. Obviously he wants a reaction from me and he’s not going to get one. I didn’t want to continue seeing him anyway, so I don’t really care lol.

Answer this question




to answer.
Your answer will be saved while you login or join.

Have a question? Ask Fluther!

What do you know more about?
Knowledge Networking @ Fluther