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snapdragon24's avatar

Are you a mess or the best after breakups?

Asked by snapdragon24 (1592points) July 18th, 2012

Alright so…I’ve just been hit by reality that things between me and a particular person are completely over. I found out that he bought a ticket to Malta to see a rebound girl…(that’s what I get from Facebook stalking). I thought I was fine…we all get curious once in a while…but boy I shouldn’t of done that. I cracked! Cried all night. I thought I was stronger than this. I know he wasn’t made for me; but my possession over him is so strong…and it really upsets me. I start thinking about all the bad things he’s done and still I just have a really hard time picturing him with someone else…I feel stabbed.

Basically, do you ever beat yourself up or miss someone who was never meant for you in the first place? And do you feel like a mess after a breakup or the best because you think it was his/her loss? I cannot seem to carry a positive attitude….

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13 Answers

tedd's avatar

I have been both completely destroyed after a break up, and completely ok. It all depends on the circumstances and whether or not you wanted the break up.

Either way though, even when I was ok with a break up and I initiated, it was still painful to find out that my x had moved on and been with/was with someone else.

Cruiser's avatar

For me was never easy to get over any breakup especially if the girl walked and didn’t give any real explanation of why she wanted out. I always just returned to doing what I liked and made me happy. Hitting the gym, play guitar and I bought myself something nice with the money I would have otherwise spent on her.

Pandora's avatar

I usually did the breaking up and it was always for a good reason, so no. Only one time did I almost go back because I missed the guy and really was in love with him but at the time I thought he had moved on. I didn’t beat myself up over it though because I knew it would’ve never worked out. There is no point in looking back into your past unless its to learn a lesson from. In this case you have learned a lesson. Don’t dwell on past relationship.
I found it easier to think of what my future may bring. A world of possibilities that could involve happiness and not tears. Obviously your ex is looking towards his future. So should you.

zenvelo's avatar

I am generally a mess. I have rarely been the one to initiate a breakup, but even then there is more than a bit of remorse and “should I go back?”.

Coloma's avatar

Not these days, maturity is a GREAT thing!
While relationships are nice when they are working I have long ago learned that there are reasons and seasons for everything in life.
When a relationship is no longer working I am able to let go with ease these days. No need for drama, emotional insanity, sleeplessness, what’s the point?

Sure, there might be some feelings of sadness, accepting that things are not working out and of course, an adjustment period, but, really….the truth is that all the drama and angst is usually more indicative of love addiction than anything resembling true love.

Being dependent on someone is not love, it is dependency.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

I suck after every breakup, doesn’t matter who caused it. I put my all in to it, it’s going to hurt to end it. It’s just what I do.

elbanditoroso's avatar

Depends. In one case I breathed a huge sigh of relief, like a heavy burden had been lifted. It was like a breath of fresh air, even though she wanted the breakup.

I guess that it was because it was obvious that there were tensions and everything was not perfect, so this was a good thing, even though I didn’t want to happen.

snapdragon24's avatar

Your right @Coloma and @Pandora, it is more of a love addiction than true love and it definitely becomes a dependency issue. And of course with every relationship comes a lesson…but damn this one was harsh. I also really appreciate how honest everyone is on this platform, its really nice to see :)

janbb's avatar

I’m am a mess after a break-up even when I know it is for the best.

Coloma's avatar

@snapdragon24 Well….rebounds almost never work out, sooo, yeah, it stings, but you know what?
He is SHOWING you how immature he is. Mature, healthy people do not jump into rebound flings, they take the time and space to heal and learn from their failed relationship.
Be the smarter and better person, sounds like you are.

tedibear's avatar

A mess. A complete mess. An incredible, sobbing, sigh-heaving, snotty-nosed, weeping mess. Luckily, I don’t think I’ll have to worry about it any more.

Pandora's avatar

Glad to see you have a good idea of what you really are feeling. If you ever wonder why the divorce rate is so high, it is usually do to people not wanting to let go. So they hang on with tooth and nail onto a relationship they know will never really get far. They break up and get back together several times and then have the wedding.
Count your blessings. You didn’t end up a statistic because you didn’t settle for less than you deserve. Stay true to what you expect out of a relationship and you will do fine.

Adagio's avatar

Judging by previous efforts I would have to say mess, for varying lengths of time.

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