Social Question

Imadethisupwithnoforethought's avatar

NSFW and directed at women?

Asked by Imadethisupwithnoforethought (14649points) July 20th, 2012

Women, how do you feel about men openly talking about the bisexual threesome fantasy? It seems to me to be a widely discussed assumption that most men love lesbians, and male female female sex. It is discussed so often that I notice women roll their eyes when it comes up.

How does it make you feel when men bring this up?

On the other hand, women who think about male, male, female pairings, would you ever discuss this idea openly with your male acquaintances in the same nonchalant manner that the opposite is discussed?

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56 Answers

TheSecretWindow's avatar

Any sex that I will be involved in will be with one person at a time.

WillWorkForChocolate's avatar

It doesn’t bother me, but then again, I’m the one in the relationship who wants to try a threesome with another woman. My husband’s the one who shot that idea down. Then again, as much as I fantasize about another woman, I have no idea if I could actually “go there” when it came down to it.

And the whole one woman, two men thing? No thanks. I was surprised with that scenario one night before I met my husband, and it sucked.

marinelife's avatar

I don’t think much of people discussing it openly. I don’t think much of people discussing any sexual fantasy publicly.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

As a male, can I say openly discussing this is disrespecting your S/O?

Pandora's avatar

I discussed it with my husband, but not because I was interested nor did I ever think to go there. I was young, newly married and just curious if this is something all guys think about so I asked. His answer was that it is often a fantasy but most guys in a serious relationship wouldn’t want to share their women with another woman and especially with another guy. He said he would never care to be in such a relationship. So not to worry. He’s a bit of a romantic like myself. Two is company, 3 is a crowd.
In a good relationship you should be able to discuss anything. Now had he said he would like to and hopes to convince me, than that would be impossible to swallow. But if he was just curious from a male perspective about what women fantasize about and asked me, I would not be offended. Curious why he would want to know but not offended.

syz's avatar

Mostly it makes me roll my eyes because it’s usually the same guys making homophobic slurs and rants. I’d love to have a guy say to me “How about a threesome?” just so I can go “Okay, what guy are we gonna invite to join us?’.

(And the F-F-M threesome was great, it was the same guy who started it who ended it because he felt threatened.)

Crashsequence2012's avatar

Gender stereotype much?

ETpro's avatar

@Crashsequence2012 Just what I was thinking. I’d be fine with another guy joining my wife and I if that’s what she wanted. She decidedly does not. She’s an old fashioned gal, very traditional values. But if having two men attending to her every whim floated her boat, and I could be confident she’s leave with me at the end of the tryst, I’d be there with my Harbor Master uniform on, or maybe something considerably kinkier than that. :-)

Aethelflaed's avatar

Very apprehensive. I am genuinely bi, so unfortunately the guys who bring this up tend to assume that means I’m down for a threesome, that it’ll be with another woman, that they’ll be involved, and that they’ll find this other woman attractive. I don’t really have any problem with men finding lesbian sex hot, so long as they do not even flinch if I start talking about how hot gay male sex is, or that if they get an f/f/m threesome their partner gets a m/m/f threesome. There’s a lot of guys who are totally down with bisexual women, so long as they can fetishize that sexuality and make it more about said guy’s fantasy coming true than about the actual bisexual woman’s desires, and then they get hostile really fast when any kind of boundary on that is put up. That said, there are also men who fantasize about this but totally respect bisexual women’s desires, don’t fetishize their sexuality, understand that if they want an f/f/m threesome she gets a m/m/f threesome and aren’t upset about that. But the fetishizing happens often enough it tends to cause a tense moment until I can figure out which way the situation is going to go.

@Adirondackwannabe Not as a universalized statement with no regard for context nor different relationship rules and types, you cannot. (Also, what exactly would “closed discussing” it be, and how would it be more respectful?)

Ponderer983's avatar

I roll my eyes because it’s typical. Many men have this fantasy, or at least it’s the one they choose to voice the most often. It’s like lining up 100 people and asking their favorite color and 95 of them say blue. After a while, you roll your eyes at the response. I don’t mind them talking about it, but what I do mind is when the double standard of man, man, woman is brought up and the guy gets all up in arms. And I do discuss the man man woman threesome openly because I’ve done it – twice. And I’m not a woman who is uncomfortable talking about sex, as long as it is in a mature and respectful way.

linguaphile's avatar

At one time I wouldn’t have minded and would’ve been a willing experimenter, but the ex-husband got really creepy with his fascination about threesomes too often, to the point where I just couldn’t even consider it. I haven’t been able to think of a three-somes for a long time without feeling queasy.

athenasgriffin's avatar

It is alright, even funny, if it is casual.

Sometimes, though, guys have this inflection in their voice that makes things uncomfortable. Like, they want it so bad and you can tell they are seriously looking for someone to fulfill this fantasy. This applies to all the sex things guys talk about.

OpryLeigh's avatar

It doesn’t bother me at all. My boyfriend and I often talk about having a threesome with another woman (although I doubt it will happen any time soon) and I would rather that then get another man involved. It doesn’t bother me at all that this idea turns my boyfriend on. I also find lesbian sex a turn on. The one thing that amuses me about a lot of men’s fantasies of lesbian sex is that, it probably involves two “hot” women from a porn site. I’m willing to guess that they probably aren’t actually lesbians yet, I often hear “why do I never see lesbians that look like those two?” I work with a lot of lesbians and the men in the department will often joke about how none of them look like the lesbians of their fantasies!

downtide's avatar

Men should beware of this fantasy. They might find their SO ends up liking sex with other girls more than she likes it with him.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

@Aethelflaed The question was about openly discussing. What don’t you get about that? If my S/O wants to discuss it with me alone, that’s different than a bunch of people throwing the idea around in a group discussion.

FluffyChicken's avatar

Yes please, and yes please.

Aethelflaed's avatar

@Adirondackwannabe The part where you tacked on “with your partner”, so then it just seemed like any frank discussion with your partner.

Crashsequence2012's avatar

@downtide Then what?

Your comment seems to paint an incomplete picture.

downtide's avatar

@Crashsequence2012 I was thinking that she might ditch him and embrace her newly-discovered lesbian side (as well as her newly discovered lesbian friend…)

Crashsequence2012's avatar

So.

Why the assumption that there would be a ditching?

A ditching would not automatically be necessary as some of us do not fear the label “bisexual”.

WillWorkForChocolate's avatar

@Crashsequence2012 Downtide was making a silly joke. Quit being so pissy and argumentative with everyone.

Crashsequence2012's avatar

So defending ones image as a member of a group is only acceptable if that group is considered a minority?

WillWorkForChocolate's avatar

WTF? Are you stoned?

Crashsequence2012's avatar

The OP makes sweeping generalizations about (I’m assuming straight) males.

@downtide ‘s post makes assumptions as well.

Just trying to work out the thinking here. Of perhaps give the people involved in @downtide ‘s hypothetical a little more credit in that they (she) might not have such an all or nothing mentality toward playing with women.

Perhaps the woman discovers that she enjoys playing with girls (even more than with men).

She then intelligently and with maturity communicates with her male lover and they come to find a mutual agreeable situation.

Just being less adversarial and more positive, that’s all.

Aethelflaed's avatar

Oh, FFS. Yes, the OP was fairly heteronormative. But Downtide’s point was that it is a fairly common story for women who are, shall we say, bi-curious to have a threesome and find out that they are actually lesbian, or at least find this new female partner better than the old male partner. And a great deal many men who have this fantasy never seem to consider the possibility that their female partner will like it more than they will, though you can rest assured that when/if it does, said men will become very jealous and possessive.

Crashsequence2012's avatar

Again.

@Aethelflaed Gender stereotype much?

Aethelflaed's avatar

You have some other ideas, or you just wanna uselessly point out how everyone else’s thoughts suck without adding a damn thing to the conversation?

Crashsequence2012's avatar

@Aethelflaed I did precisely that in my comment ^^^^

And you know I didn’t state that “everyone else’s thought’s suck.”

In the Interest of getting to the bottom of this:

If it were some group other than straight males being stereotyped in this thread there would be a shitstorm of protest.

“You can rest assured that when/if it does, said men will become very jealous and possessive.”

That thought? Well it did suck…

wundayatta's avatar

Five of my former girlfriends ended up being lesbians, although I didn’t have a threesome with any of them.

Just saying.

Imadethisupwithnoforethought's avatar

Oh, FFS (thank you @Aethelflaed I think I am going to start using that more often).

Why on earth did this get argumentative?

downtide's avatar

@Crashsequence2012 Of course a ditching isn’t necessary. Some people are bisexual. Some people are polyamorous. Some people have an open relationship in which sex with a third person, with or without their reglar partner also present, is completely acceptable. But not everyone is like that, and sometimes this hypothetical scenario does actually happen.

WillWorkForChocolate's avatar

@Imadethisupwithnoforethought Apparently, @Crashsequence2012 really gets off on poking people with sharp sticks and seeing how they react. This has happened on multiple threads now. Pay no attention to the troll behind the avatar.

Crashsequence2012's avatar

How exactly is wanting/needing more information trolling?

I get the impression that a charge of trolling here is a serious one.

I don’t want to get folded into such a category.

Imadethisupwithnoforethought's avatar

@Crashsequence2012 I don’t know that anyone on this thread has said that I am wrong, that there is not a widely discussed assumption that a lot of men fantasize about male female female threesomes. In fact, women have confirmed above, that they roll their eyes on occasion, exactly as I have said.

I made a general statement and asked women who have experienced this to tell me their thoughts on the matter, so I may better understand human relations.

You have accused me of making sweeping gender assumptions, which may be true. But I am aware of my own lack of knowledge, which prompted the question. So if I am ignorant, I am trying to learn, and you are attempting to belittle me for that.

You have then proceeded to end up in arguments with bisexual women, straight men, and transgenders persons. I do not know that you have shed light on the question, or furthered anyone’s understanding in any manner other than stating straight men are a besieged minority. Which leads me to believe you are either making statements to start an argument, or a man who feels the need to defend other straight men from the forces of decadent society.

As a straight male, pretty confidant in my place in the world, I need no defense from the comments of others, and again, asked them to enlighten me.

wundayatta's avatar

@Crashsequence2012 It is a favorite pastime around here for people to attack the questioner or answerer when they don’t have any reasonable way of responding. There are a number of bullies around here, but if you ignore them, they can’t hurt you. Keep on calling things as you see them.

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Adirondackwannabe's avatar

@WillWorkForChocolate Can I poke you for a little chocolate?

Aethelflaed's avatar

@wundayatta So, wait, I’m confused – are they supposed to ignore us bullies, or keep engaging “calling things as they see them”?

chyna's avatar

@wundayatta I think @Imadethisupwithnoforethought had a more than reasonable way of responding to @Crashsequence2012. You seem to be the “poker” in this situation.

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augustlan's avatar

[mod says] Knock it off, folks. Let’s get back on track, here.

Ela's avatar

I use to roll my eyes and think that it was alright and a just one of those typical things most all males fantasize about. I also thought that it’s something I could do for him but I’ve come to realize that I am way too personal and intimate. Sex and emotion are to tightly intertwined for me. I’ve found that cannot separate them.
Now I tell them that if a threesome is what they want, cool but that it won’t be happening with me. I find it goes against my core beliefs. There is a bond I feel and cannot describe. Call me old fashioned, a prude, stick in the mud… whatever lol
It’s not something I will ever do for a man. I would not share myself intimately just because he wanted to.

Shippy's avatar

I think it’s interesting that if a female had to say “Hmm! I fancy a hot shag with two men” it may not be accepted so readily? And after all it makes more sense, two penises are far more useful that four breasts?

ETpro's avatar

@Shippy Definite dude here, and if a threesome were what my lady wanted, I’d prefer it be with a second male to help me pleasure her. The possibilities are nearly endless. And I’m not at all put off by sloppy seconds. But then, as I warned, I’m a kinky kind of guy.

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