Social Question

coastiegirl96's avatar

How do I fix this..if I even can?

Asked by coastiegirl96 (632points) July 25th, 2012

So. That guy I was talking about a few months ago, we broke up. And we were best friends, and we both have amazing relationships. Anyway. So Monday night, I was in a… certain state of mind. And, in this state of mind I went off on his girlfriend. Because he knew I was in this state, and was helping me get through the puking your guts out stage. All of a sudden, I get a text from his girlfriend.
“Hey, I know you’re ___ing and if you don’t stop I’ll call the police and your parents. I know it’s bitchy, but please stop.”
And I don’t know why I was so mad. But my ex protected me and she said she didn’t find him attractive right now and maybe they should break up.
Then, I finally responded in a venting way, never meant for her to see it. I was just doing that thing where you go off to feel better. But, somehow it did. (I don’t remember this. I woke up with the texts and my friend reminding me.)
“Ok. I’ll make you a deal. I’ll stop ___ing when you stop f***ing my ex. Not to be mean or anything, but I’ll tell your church.”
And then all of a sudden I get an angry text from my ex.
“Oh and what the f***? You’ll stop ___ing when she stops f***ing me?”
And in the texts I apologize like crazy.
But the last text from him says:
“Doesn’t matter if you were joking or venting. It was completely unneccessary. I’m not talking to you for awhile now. And to think I was just f***ing protecting you! I’m done. And you don’t need to get me anything from warped tour. Goodnight paige.”

… Now I need to know.. what the hell can I do to fix this? Can I fix it? And I’m not ___ing again. It was so stupid. But I need help you guys. Please.

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21 Answers

chyna's avatar

Let this be a lesson, never text drunk again. I would wait for it to blow over. I wouldn’t be contacting him, let him contact you. You’ve appologized, he has to get over it now in his own time.

coastiegirl96's avatar

@chyna Never. Okay.. sounds good. :/

gailcalled's avatar

I am having trouble translating that screed into standard English, but it all sounds very silly particularly when I incorporate the phrase “puking-your-guts- stage.” into the text.

And the vague ” I was in a certain stage of mind.” That could mean anything.

coastiegirl96's avatar

I was drunk. But I’m underage and I didn’t know if I could say that xD
___ing means drinking.
f***ing, is well. Fucking or fuck.

bookish1's avatar

You’re _____ing and then puking your guts out? To me that is more of a concern than the fact that you might not be legally permitted to drink. Why are you drinking to this point ????

coastiegirl96's avatar

@bookish1 It was my first time. I didn’t know my limit :/

Kardamom's avatar

I am so confused by your account of this situation. I think I understand that your exe’s new girlfriend is f***xing him and that means that the two of them are having sex. So far so good.

I have no idea what you mean when you said you were __ing. Were you drinking? Were you puking? Were you also having sex? I’m clearly missing something here.

What I do think is that you are very jealous that your ex boyfriend has a new girlfriend. You are really crossing the line by continuing to text him, especially because of the type of conversations you are having with him (meaning: intimate and inappropriate) and then trying to pass it off to us and him as though you’re cool and just being friendly. You are not being friendly, you’re being jealous and kind of mean to the new girlfriend (no matter how awful you might think she is, that doesn’t even matter, because your ex chose to be with her, not you).

Because you’ve broken up with this fellow and he’s now with someone else, you really shouldn’t even be in contact with him at all. You’re not just friends with this guy. You clearly still have feelings for him and you have an inappropriate sense of entitlement (meaning: you think this guy shoud still act like your boyfriend or you BFF, even though you are not still together).

How would you like it, if someone saying and doing the things that you’ve said and done to his new girlfriend came out of nowhere and did and said those things to you? You’d be really pissed off to find out that some ex-girlfriend has come out of the woodwork and started texting semi-flirty/intimate stuff to your current boyfriend (I think you said you have one, right?)

I’m still completely confused by what you meant by puking your guts out as to whether you meant that literally (meaning: you were drunk and sick and throwing up) or figuratively (meaning: you were telling him all of your intimate feelings and thoughts).

OK, now I’m seeing your last reply. Wow, this really is a big problem. Obviously you shouldn’t be drinking while you are underage, but most of us have done that, in our past. But for you, because you are also insinuating yourself into the relationship of your ex-boyfriend and his current girlfriend, you are asking for trouble and endless drama.

Sounds like your ex was trying to be nice, but I think you took it to mean that he still has deep feelings for you (he may or may not, but it doesn’t matter because right now he’s off limits to you) And because you were drunk, you probably weren’t thinking straight so you just started texting away without thinking about how inappropriate that was, or how that might hurt the feelings (and trust) of your exe’s new girlfriend. He’s probably really pissed off at you about that, as well he should be.

Your best bet is to decide, today, that you will not drink again until you are old enough, and then, learn to drink responsibly and not to the point of making yourself so drunk that you throw up.

Next, write a short sweet note to your ex boyfriend (meaning: do NOT text or e-mail or phone him) Write a real note explaining that you truly apologize for having gotten drunk, and for texting inappropriate/intimate stuff to him, and for expecting him to come to your rescue, and for hurting his current girlfriend’s feelings (even if you hate her guts, don’t let him or her know that). Then let him know that you think it’s in both of your interests to stop texting and e-mailing and Facebooking with him. Let him know that you realize that he has a new girlfriend and you respect that (even if you don’t, don’t let him know that). Tell him that you care/cared about him and that you never wanted to hurt him and you’re just very sorry for making a fool of yourself. Then mail it and do not contact him again, at least for a year. Maybe after a year or so has passed, you can see him on the street and not go all aggro over him.

And please do not threaten the current girlfriend about telling on her for having sex. That is none of your business. Just don’t have any contact with her at all, it’s not worth the pain and drama that will ensue if you continue to keep in contact with either one of them.

Now go to your phone and computer and delete his and her contact info from your lists, Facebook, address books or whatever.

Now, don’t beat yourself up about this. This is one of the horrible experiences of young adulthood. Most people go through something similar to this and it’s awful, but let the whole ugly ordeal be a learning experience for you and vow to be a better person in the future. Good luck : )

Judi's avatar

You screwed up. I don’t know what your _____ing is, but it sounds like it is going to get you in more and more trouble. Your ex should have written you off long ago.

SuperMouse's avatar

Yeah, you can’t fix it. You messed up big time. Stop ____king so that you’ll stop puking, and stop drunk texting. Learn your lesson now before you get into real trouble.

coastiegirl96's avatar

@Kardamom My friend actually already did that. And I’m actually friends with his girlfriend…
Also, yeah. I know it was bitchy and totally idiotic. I feel horrible. And I agreed with his girlfriend that we shouldn’t be talking. And yeah. Not drinking again. I just can’t stop feeling bad and hating myself.
@Judi Yeah.

Kardamom's avatar

@coastiegirl96 Give yourself a week, 5 days, not even 7 to feel horribly sh*tty. Then be done with it. There’s no sense in beating yourself up about it any longer than that. It’s good to have a good wallow for a short while, but if you don’t stop the wallowing and turn it into positive action then you’ll just feel terrible and you won’t have learned to control yourself any better.

So give yourself a week, and then commence with the positive actions and better behavior. Have some ice cream today, but then tomorrow, plan to do something nice for someone else, like your Mom or your Grandma or one of your neighbors. Bake a cake and take it to someone who will enjoy the cake and your company.

josie's avatar

Too much drama. I wouldn’t bother fixing it if I could. Plus, I would hate to be your liver.

SuperMouse's avatar

@josie I admit, I am glad this is in Social so I can say LOL!

syz's avatar

Jeez, who a lot of unnecessary drama. Ugh.

6rant6's avatar

“Get thee to a nunnery.”

jca's avatar

Way too much drama. Stop talking to exes and stop talking to their girlfriends. Stop the triangulation.

Pandora's avatar

No way to fix this. Your ex may forgive you once they break up in their new relationship. But not if its because of you.
Ex’s are ex’s for a reason. Move on.

LuckyGuy's avatar

You learned a good lesson and honestly did not lose much in the process. You were lucky.
Some people don’t learn until they are older, when that type of behavior can cost them their job, spouse, and family.
Those drunk texts are now part of your permanent record. They never go away. Be thankful you only p*ssed off an ex BF and his new GF.
Remember and consider this a life lesson.

jerv's avatar

I am so glad that the keyboard on my Droid X makes it impossible to text while shit-faced.

coastiegirl96's avatar

Wow, looking back at this.. I can’t help but laugh. xD I wrote them both off awhile ago. And my boyfriend and I broke up and well. I hate this “best friend” guys’ guts now. I dont care how exhausted it makes me, I hate him. And with good reason. He tried to get me to cheat on his girlfriend with him-_- I decided he and his gf were far too much drama, and I didn’t need it.
They’re still together, and she’s still totally clueless.
It worked out for the best I guess. But yeah, this whole situation was just stupid. And could’ve been easily avoided.
Gah, my stupidity. .

Kardamom's avatar

^^ Lesson learned : )

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