General Question

mtndew2's avatar

What is going on with him?

Asked by mtndew2 (34points) July 27th, 2012

I met this guy at work who made lots of efforts to talk to me. We started talking online one day when he asked me what I looked for in a guy, how he could get to know me etc.He asked for my number right away and then asked me to meet him up that night for his friend’s birthday, which I did. However, when I arrived he acted very shy and weird so I left. He texted me the rest of the night, innocent but flirty remarks. Since then we have spent time together ( innocent, no dates) and have talked on the phone for hours. He did disclose that he had a out of state girlfriend. My problem is I’m starting to really like him! He texted me after work today and I decided to ask him to hang out. He said no! I know he has a girlfriend but for some reason that hasn’t altered my feelings. What could he intentions be for his behaviors?

Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

16 Answers

jrpowell's avatar

“He did disclose that he had a out of state girlfriend.”

Do you really want to be with a guy that would cheat with a woman that doesn’t know what the enter key is?

chyna's avatar

He might have been acting weird at the party because someone was there that would report back to his girlfriend that he was talking to you. It sounds like he is leading you on and really, why put yourself through that. People usually aren’t that mysterious. If they want to be with you, they will be.

BosM's avatar

His behavior is not honorable and his intentions are not either.
Find someone who is available and not nearly so complicated.
Move on, run, run, run.

DrBill's avatar

Well you know he is cheating on his GF, so if you become his GF, he will very likely cheat on you also. A the party he relized someone there would mention another woman to his GF.

It would be best if you cut your losses now, rather than get attached and have your heart broke later.

Trillian's avatar

Sounds like he wants to know if you’re willing to be “the other woman”. Seems like you have no scruples about that, so knock yourself out.

ZEPHYRA's avatar

Childish, immature and undignified behavior, best you keep your distance!

SuperMouse's avatar

He wants to get with you behind his girlfriend’s back.He is flirty in texts and in private because he doesn’t have to worry about his lady finding out. He is shy and weird around people because they probably know the lady and he runs the risk of his philandering getting back to her. If you don’t mind being the other woman, playing second fiddle to his out-of-state girlfriend, and knowing you are dating a cheater, have at it. Otherwise, run away as fast as you can.

Judi's avatar

How would you feel if you were the out of state girlfriend? Back off. If you’re still single when he breaks up with his girlfriend then maybe you could start chatting it up again. Until then, you are being one of those girls not to many people respect.

Kardamom's avatar

He has a girlfriend, what part of that are you not getting??? He’s enjoying flirting and carrying on with you, because he considers it not to be cheating, even though it is. If you give into it, you will also be guilty of insinuating yourself into someone else’s relationship.

Try to think of it this way. If you had a boyfriend and you lived in another state (maybe you moved there because of school, maybe you met him on a trip and therefore you both live in different states, or maybe he had to take a job in another state to get a job, or a hundred other different reasons). Everything was going fine, until one day, you found out that your guy was chatting up a girl at work, then he pretended to make it sound like everything was completely platonic, even though you found flirty texts and phone messages with this other girl. How would that make you feel? Would you want to meet this girl and invite her into your social circle? Or would you want to set the record straight with her and inform her that “your boyfriend” is in a relationship? And, wouldn’t you want to go straight to this dude and ask him what the h*ll he thinks he is doing?

Just because he’s not dipping his wick doesn’t mean that he is innocent, and it doesn’t mean that he isn’t having an emotional affair, or that he isn’t leading on some other young women, in addition to you and his so-called girlfriend.

If you don’t mind being in a casual relationship with this guy, where you know full well that he has an official girlfriend, and you don’t mind hurting this other woman, then by all means, full steam ahead.

You already know that this dude is a player. Is that what you really want? If you confront him about it, he’ll try to tell you how misunderstood he is, especially because of how shy and confused he is. Isn’t that sweet? NOT.

If, and only if he breaks up with his real girlfriend, and he explains the whole situation to both you and to her, and about 6 months to a year passes and he hasn’t hooked up with anyone else, then I’d say it was safe to attempt to date him, but even then, I would have a list of deal-breakers to give to him. He’ll probably run so fast, he’ll leave skid marks.

bookish1's avatar

Don’t be the other woman.
There are guys out there you will also be able to really like, who are not deceiving cads like this one.

Daylight's avatar

Should listen to the majority and run because it’s that much of a no brainer

You don’t cross intimate lines with people like that. But if you have to learn the hard way go ahead.

DesireeD's avatar

With his girlfriend being out of state perhaps he’s sort of interested in you but since he has a GF he doesn’t feel right about it. He probably gets lonely and more than anything just needs a friend.

jca's avatar

Why bother with this guy? There are other fish in the sea. Don’t act desperate.

JHUstudent's avatar

He wants to have sex with you on the side of his relationship. Period.

Paradox25's avatar

It sounds like the woman tested, girlfriend approved theory has come to life here.

Chellet's avatar

he was probably needing some attention or someone to talk to at that time. like what most of the answers here mentioned, it is possible he has a girlfriend even before he talked to you. he might be having troubles with his GF and just wanted to talk to someone and was confused of his feelings.

it is better to forget about him because he clearly has a relationship already. try to focus your attention onto something more fruitful – stay beautiful no matter what and be happy that this has come out in the open right away. you can do this girl!

Answer this question




to answer.

This question is in the General Section. Responses must be helpful and on-topic.

Your answer will be saved while you login or join.

Have a question? Ask Fluther!

What do you know more about?
Knowledge Networking @ Fluther