Social Question

Aster's avatar

Should a teen who has stolen from a relative be banned from their home forever?

Asked by Aster (19883points) August 9th, 2012

This particular teenager stole some video games that were loaned to him by his younger cousin . His aunt, the loaner’s mother, found out and they have banned him from their home forever. (I was asked to get them back from him and he complied willingly). Now he can’t see his cousins, 10 and 12 who he says he loves. He doesn’t know yet about being banned and , surprisingly, is the sensitive type (shows emotion, loves animals, etc) . I don’t know how he will react when he finds out but is it deserved? Or are they too hard nosed? They know all about his dreadful upbringing and had always been loving and generous towards him until this latest fiasco.

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13 Answers

ccrow's avatar

I don’t understand; if they were loaned to him, how did it change to him stealing them? especially if he willingly gave them back?

SuperMouse's avatar

Are these people trying to punish the boy or protect themselves from thefts? I would also be very careful before doing something this drastic to be sure I was getting the full story from the child who did the loaning. There is definitely a possibility that the child wasn’t clear that this was a “loan” or led his cousin to believe it was a permanent loan. I agree with @ccrow and wonder how he could have stolen them if they were willingly lent to him and when asked gave them back. Did they approach the boy prior to your approaching him? Did he deny having them or refuse to give them back? It just doesn’t add up and I think the banning sounds pretty darn hash under the circumstances.

marinelife's avatar

The punishment seems a little harsh for such a young person. Can you appeal to his aunt that he needs love and good examples and she should consider lifting the ban.

josie's avatar

Is the kid a thief, or is he not? Anyway it is none of my business. They should do what they see fit.
On the other hand, call me if they burn him with cigarettes or some such bullshit. I’ll have something to say about it then.

Aster's avatar

The boy was visiting us. His cousin allegedly “loaned” him 4 games to play on a new Xbox while he was here. The day before he was to leave us he packed up the games to take home with him. I never heard they were a gift; just a loan to be nice. So his aunt called me and said to go into the room and see if the games had been packed up. I did and he said yes; he had them packed but he did not say he stole them . In fact, all he said was, “in a second; I’m playing a game now” So I began unzipping the backpacks and he came right over and unloaded them and handed me 3 of the 4 games which I returned. Four days later his aunt calls me and says a game is missing and he was loaned 4 but they only got 3 back. So I called the boy’s mother and asked her to go into the bedroom (out of state) and look for the game and there it was and she is mailing it to me to give back to his cousin who is very hurt. The cousin’s father, a Pillar of Morals and Traditional Values, is going to ban the boy from their home. They were already turning against him when I told them the drug paraphernalia I had found under his things in various places.

SuperMouse's avatar

@Aster other than his troubled upbringing, is there any reason everyone is refusing to give this boy the benefit of the doubt? It really, really sounds as though the boy could use an adult who stands unfailingly in his corner. He is only 14 years old for goodness sakes. He was loaned the the games, or at least he seems to believe they were loaned to him. Is the cousin agreeing that he loaned them? I think that if these people were really Pillars of Morals and Traditional Values, they would be helping this boy rise above his current circumstances rather than finding a flimsy excuse to cut him out of theirs and their kids’ lives.

Aster's avatar

@Supermouse there IS no doubt for which he could benefit. He knew they were a loan but he packed them up. The cousin and everyone knows they were merely on loan. His cousin has everything a kid could ever want except a great intellect. The boy is extremely good looking, funny and gifted. In no way is he only fourteen. He was found smoking weed, during the daytime, in the football stadium with another boy and put in another school for months. He has seen his mother laying on the floor of a crack house and cried to me about it for 45 minutes in my car. The two of them got into a fight recently before he arrived here and he left big bruises on her arm. She got on the internet and sent the photos to his family members , possibly to help cheat him out of any inheritances. That got the ball rolling. He was here for a month and his grandfather didn’t call him once. So his family considers he has turned out to be a thieving, pot smoking loser who is bound for jail sooner or later. I and my husband have done everything we could since his birth to help him seemingly to no avail. His attitude is like everyone in his family has everything, he has nothing and somebody has got to owe him for this misfortune. I showered him with new electronics and clothes plus hundreds on his teeth while he was here , treated him with great respect and love. Still, into his backpack went his cousin’s video games. I also believe his aunt is sick and tired of all the attention and compliments he has always gotten for his looks, charisma and intelligence and is subconsciously glad this all happened since her son is of average intelligence at best and spends a lot of time traveling and at church related functions at twelve.

SuperMouse's avatar

@Aster so is this boy being written off by everyone in the family? It just seems so incredibly sad to just watch him continue down this path. I understand that you feel you did all you could for the boy and it is wonderful that you cared so much for him. I just hope that someone realizes that the boy quite probably needs discipline and limits that are strictly enforced so that he can learn the self-control required to get by in this world.

I have first hand experience knowing someone who was raised and brutalized with a drug addicted mother and drug dealer step-dad. The boy was either ignored or beaten throughout his childhood. One constant growing up was a loving and dedicated grandfather who believed in the boy, taught him ethics and the value of hard work, and believed that the boy could succeed. He is all grown up now, raised his own kids, held down a good job, and is doing well for himself. When he was as old as 16 all indicators were that he was headed for a lifetime in jail (just like his absent birth father), but because one caring adult was always there for him, he beat the odds. His grandfather never lavished the boy with gifts. he just loved and respected him.

Aster's avatar

I don’t think I’d take the credit if he turns out well but it was a very nice thought. He is being dumped by several family members including his uncles but I intend to continue to be nice to him while guarding my stuff ! he’s really affectionate and sweet but has a rudeness and sense of entitlement to him.

ccrow's avatar

“but has a rudeness and sense of entitlement to him”
Well, he is a teenager…

Dutchess_III's avatar

Sounds like mebee he needs one person to believe in him….

Aster's avatar

I do believe in him, he has great potential but he has always damaged our stuff. I resent that. And he booby traps us. For instance, he put a doggie gate near the hallway so my S/O would trip and hurt his toe, then claimed my s/o “was kicking it out of the way in anger and that’s what hurt his toe.” He has put little scratches in our tables (he carries a pocket knife). He placed a very nice bowl on the edge of the fridge shelf so if anyone opened it the bowl would fall out and shatter=it worked. I never caught him doing any of these things.

Luckypie's avatar

@aster Are you sure these things (the gate, the bowl) were intentional or just the actions of a careless teenager?

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