Social Question

ETpro's avatar

Are some corporations bigamists?

Asked by ETpro (34550points) August 22nd, 2012

Since corporations are people, when more than two merge, shouldn’t they be jailed for bigamy? And what sort of jails do we need to build to hold this new kind of people? Some of them are quite large.

Oh, and how about a President Google, or AT&T for the Senate. It would make our corporations more competitive if they didn’t have to pay so much in bribes lobbying fees to shape the law to boost their profit, legalize their pollution, and get taxpayer subsidies. They could just take over the government posts and do what they need to better themselves using the force of the law. Isn’t it great that we finally know they are people?

And now that we know that corporations are people, let’s get on with giving them equal rights, and treating them like we care about their feelings. The next time you run into Kmart on the street, try to cheer her up. Say something nice to her. She’s depressed because when they have those blue-light specials she has to stay open really late and let so many people into her. In the interest of equality, let’s start being kind to the minority of people who are corporations. They have been an oppressed minority for way too long, haven’t they?

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11 Answers

phaedryx's avatar

Why would corporations want equal rights? In many ways they have rights superior to individual rights.

I can’t wait until corporations get to adopt children and can name them after product lines. ~

wundayatta's avatar

I wonder if I could go into a transformation to a corporation? Like a sex change operation only a corporation change operation? I mean, to be a corporation, not just to work for one. Of course, maybe it wouldn’t matter much. After all, it is the money that is key. If only it were so easy.

zenvelo's avatar

The beautiful thing about being a corporation is they can’t put you in jail! Pay a fine, maybe, but then you can always restructure under bankruptcy laws that are way more lenient than what non corporate people have to use.

LuckyGuy's avatar

And why shouldn’t they be? They have more lives than Super Mario with all the cheat codes.
Go bankrupt and start again. Repeat until you run out of dumb investors.

DaphneT's avatar

I can only LOL! You had me at President Google, AT&T for Senate. Oh my, laughing to much.

ETpro's avatar

@phaedryx I’m just saying, all the way back to when there was only one, the British East India Company, they have been a terribly oppressed minority. Nobody ever treated them like people. Certainly not the original Tea Party members. It’s time for today’s Tea Party to make amends, isn’t it?

@wundayatta Great idea. Why can’t I get the corporation change operation. I’s ceratinly game. Billions in non-taxable income works for me.

@zenvelo Well now there’s a puzzle. We just have to develop a better form of jail, because now that we know they are people, they have to have ALL the rights we enjoy, like life in prison without possibility of parole, and the rights to enjoy bankruptcy that costs more than it protects.

@LuckyGuy I have it on good authority that the supply of dumb investors is essentially infinite. Wipe out some with a good drubbing, and they make a whole new crop.

@DaphneT Love it when I can share a laugh.

Ron_C's avatar

I have a T-shirt that says, “I’ll believe that corporations are people when Texas executes one.”

phaedryx's avatar

@ETpro hmm, no taxation without representation?

Corporations are taxed, but where is their vote?! Any corporation that is over 18 years old should be allowed to vote; directly. It is time that the voice of this minority is heard!

ETpro's avatar

@Ron_C I’ve gotta get me one of those!

@phaedryx I say no vote till they pass the Texas test.

zenvelo's avatar

They can vote as long as they show up with a valid state issued photo ID.

ETpro's avatar

@zenvelo Ha! Getting Google into the local DMV and in front of a camera may prove interesting!

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