General Question

the_overthinker's avatar

In this case, is it okay to lie to save from embarrassment or criticisms?

Asked by the_overthinker (1503points) August 22nd, 2012

Have you ever told a lie to save from embarrassment? Or if it is a topic that you know others will criticize you for, have you lied to them? Maybe it was to save from a long explanation.. Do you think it’s okay?

My friend’s cousin, somewhat discreetly, decided to try out a dating site, despite knowing that the people around her think dating sites are for desperate people without credentials. She did end up meeting someone that she likes and is currently seeing. But apparently she’s been telling everyone they met at a bar, instead of the truth about them meeting online. The guy is okay with the truth, but the girl is making him lie to everyone as well about how they met. Is it a big deal?

I’ve been having a debate about this with my friend. What do you think? Is it okay for my friend’s cousin to lie to everyone about how they met since the people around her are judgmental and critical? There’s probably a “I told you so” if they don’t work out as well.

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10 Answers

gailcalled's avatar

I can’t imagine why she needs to lie. It can just as easily not work out if her friend fixed her up or they met at a square dance.

If she surrounds herself with judgmental and critical people, she needs to find new friends.

Coloma's avatar

I think the issue lies more within this persons own lack of self confidence and people pleasing behaviors. If it were me, I would just be honest and if others don’t approve, well, not to mince words. Fuck ‘em.
This is not so much an issue of lying as it is an issue of needing approval. Bah!

JLeslie's avatar

I wouldn’t lie in that case. If they wind up married they are going to continue that lie forever? That seems ridiculous to me. Lies are burdens on the soul. Plus, screw the people around her! Seems she was right and they were wrong. Doesn’t matter if they eventually break up, they still met, had some dates, liked each others company. Break up can happen whichever way you meet someone. The people around her are being mean girls and boys, and she is behaving like a kid also by not taking ownership of what she did and feeling good about herself that she took initiative even when the people around her were negative.

woodcutter's avatar

Sometimes what people don’t know won’t hurt you. If the fib is of no consequence anyway and it’s handled so it can’t come back around on you it might be worth it. But doing it too much and weaving that tangled web could be disastrous.

Sunny2's avatar

As long as she remembers what she’s telling people so she doesn’t tell them something different years from now, she can probably get away with it. It seems silly to have to lie about it at all, but it’s her call.

augustlan's avatar

I wouldn’t lie, but I can understand why some people would. This particular lie doesn’t seem like a moral failure to me. It seems to stem from a lack of emotional fortitude. As she matures, perhaps she will feel stronger and more confident about her choices and won’t feel the need to lie.

JLeslie's avatar

This Q made me understand someone in my life better. Thanks for asking it.

Shippy's avatar

I’d add some spice! and say it was a virtual sex chat site and we were at it from the second we met and never stopped.

Neizvestnaya's avatar

It’s ok if she’s avoiding a lot of unnecessary bs from family and friends. If this thing turns into something serious then she probably won’t care too much to eventually let it ride and if it goes nowhere then she hasn’t had to endure tongue wagging and criticisms.

My father met his present wife online but they never announced it, the story just came around after they were married and they talked about it as if it had been no big deal, not secret but not a frontline detail. Same with a cousin who met her husband online, she kept it quiet but after they were married then they didn’t care if the origin of their meeting leaked out.

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